Being a sibling is a great experience.
And a sibling relationship is very special.
When there is a massive age gap though, it can be tenuous situation.
So how much does a sibling relationship control one’s life?
Case in point…
Redditor hauntedfl0wers wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my mom that I won’t put my future on pause just because she decided to ‘start over?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (18 F[emale]) am my mom’s (41 F) first and oldest child.”
“She and my dad weren’t together and I lived with him from a very young age because she was busy with her career.”
“So, while she was around for my younger years, she wasn’t as present as she told me she would’ve liked to be.”
“She has a husband (38 M[ale]).”
“He’s a nice guy, and he treats her like a queen so I’m happy she’s met him.”
“He and my mom wanted a kid of their own so they ended up having my little brother earlier this year.”
“I love my brother, and I like spending time with him.”
“But I’m very aware that our age gap is going to make a ‘normal sibling relationship’ a bit unachievable.”
“I was a dual enrolled college/high school student, so I got my associates the same time I got my High School diploma.”
“The college I transferred to has a study abroad program that I got a full ride scholarship for.”
“I’m set to go next year, and I’m seriously so excited.”
“My dad was really happy for me when I told him, and so was my stepdad, but my mom didn’t seem all that excited about it.”
“She told me later that she doesn’t think me doing school in another country is a good idea.”
“I thought at first that maybe it was just her worrying about me being alone or something so I tried to reassure her by telling her my friend was in the same program so we’d be together.”
“She clarified that her biggest concern was how much time I’d be spending away from home, seeing as how it wouldn’t be practical for me to fly back for all the holidays I would have visited if I were to be in the country.”
“She said me going away during my little brother’s earliest years was going to make it difficult for the two of us to really know each other the way we would if I were around.”
“I told her that it’s not like I’d never come back or anything.”
“And by the time I’m home again he probably won’t even be in school yet, so I’d still be around for his early years.”
“She insisted that it wouldn’t be the same, and that I should want to stay here anyway because a good sister wouldn’t want to leave her little brother.”
“I got upset at that and told her that I never asked to be a sister, especially not this far into my life.”
“And that it’s not fair of her to want me to put my future on pause all because she decided she needed to start over again with motherhood.”
“That really upset her.”
“And I didn’t feel like arguing anymore so I just went over to my dad’s house and I’ve been here ever since.”
“I did tell him what happened, and he said that I should choose what I feel is best for myself, and no choice I make about this would make me a bad older sister or even a bad daughter.”
“That did make me feel a little better about it.”
“But I still feel kind of awful.”
“I love my mom, I love my brother too, but I don’t want to throw away this opportunity.”
“Still though, AITA for what I said to her?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Maybe I’m being cynical, but it sounds to me like she has been counting on you to be her built in babysitter.”
“This is an amazing opportunity for you, you’ve worked hard for it, full scholarship is no joke.”
“Let your mom think what she wants.”
“You are seeing the bigger picture.”
“Choose yourself here. NTA.” ~ CaliforniaJade
“It sickens me that a ‘mother’ would derail amazing opportunities for her child just to have a homemade babysitter in place.”
“I’m five years older than this selfish cow, and if OP were my kid, there would be no question.”
“She’s going. OP. NTA.” ~ Beneficial_Ship_7988
“I won a scholarship for a year abroad at 20.”
“A pair of months before I was scheduled to go, my dad had a stroke, and he needed lots or care.”
“I offered to stay home to help (I have two little sisters, who were very young at the time).”
“My mum wouldn’t even want to hear about it.”
“She said I had worked hard to get this opportunity, and it was her responsibility to look after the kids and my dad.”
“My responsibility was to study and make my own future.”
“THIS is what a good mum does.”
“OP’s mum is just selfish and already considered her as a free babysitter.” ~ Agostointhesun
“NTA OP.”
“You are clearly a smart, driven young woman and have amazing experiences ahead of you.”
“Your mom was 200% hoping you’d be her childcare whenever possible and it is so telling that your father and step-father are able to see what a wonderful opportunity lies ahead for you but your mom is still thinking about her own needs and not yours.”
“Please don’t change your decision or feel guilty – we all have one life and have to make the most of it. Good luck with everything!” ~ angryunicorn2709
“I thought the same thing!!!!”
“OP, it’s your future and you need to live your life.”
“You are NOT a bad daughter or a bad sister for seizing this opportunity.”
“Make the most out of it!! NTA.” ~ frikipiji
“My first thought EXACTLY.”
“Unfortunately, I don’t think you’re being cynical.”
“You’re being very realistic.”
“OP shouldn’t have to pause her dreams and future to be a babysitter she didn’t agree to be.”
“Sounds like mom is just going to have to actually be a mom this time around and she’s not sure how, hence, reliance on someone else.”
“Ugh. What an unfair position. OP is absolutely NTA.” ~ pstain7
“Also, ironic as hell that mommy dearest has not been present in OPs life because she chose her career over her kid (and her kid was her responsibility the moment she chose to have her).”
“But her daughter chooses to prioritise her future over a kid that is NOT her responsibility and suddenly the mother has a problem with it?”
“I don’t know how she can look at herself in the mirror to be honest.”
“OP, NTA.”
“But your mother though…”
“I would have a few not so nice words for her but I don’t feel like getting another ban by accurately describing her and her attitude so I’m keeping them to myself.” ~ BooksCatsnStuff
“Absolutely NTA.”
“It sounds to me like your mom was expecting you to be a free babysitter.”
“And she suddenly realized that… oh no, she’s going to actually have to raise this child herself.”
“Do not let her try to turn you into a parent. Live your own life.” ~ SDstartingOut
“Wow, that’s some incredible selfishness from your mom.”
“It’s blatantly ridiculous to ask you not to pursue your life so that she can play happy families and make up for her sense of guilt that she wasn’t around much in your early years.”
“And giving up a full ride scholarship for it?”
“That would be an insane sacrifice.”
“Second, you’re gonna be more like an aunt than a sibling anyway, and no one would argue that an aunt has to stay in country just to fly back and see their nephew every single holiday.”
“Finally, if you come home after studying, you’re still going to be back while he’s quite young.”
“If you want to bond with him while he’s still young, there is time.”
“Your ‘because she wanted to start over with motherhood’ line is pretty damn blunt.”
“But it sounds like the truth, and sometimes you’ve gotta state the truth plainly when someone is trying to manipulate you.”
“She’d just said that you are basically a bad person for doing something you’re more than entitled to do, to guilt trip you about her own slightly messed up emotional needs.”
“That’s really quite awful and deserved a blunt response to tell her that it’s not ok. NTA.” ~ Left-Car6520
“NTA. Your mother is being hypocritical to demand that you give up your career path for her when she couldn’t give up her career path for you.”
“Why should you be held to a higher standard for her child than she held herself to for her own child?”
“Your mother’s double standards make her the AH.” ~ ApprehensiveTruth330
Well OP, Reddit sounds clear on what they believe your travel plans should be.
Mom may never understand, which is her issue.
Time for you to do you.
Good luck. Safe travels.