Dating with small children can be difficult, and taking a vacation with small children can be anything but relaxing.
If the child is your significant other’s and you’re on parenting duty all holiday long, you might want a break. With an added twist that you actually break up during your trip, you definitely want to get away from your romantic getaway.
A woman dealing with this odd situation turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback over the flight home, of all things.
CurrentCheesecake123 asked:
“AITA for leaving my ex to sit and take care of his child alone and taking a business class upgrade for myself?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (30, female) had been dating ‘Matt’ (33, male) for about a year. Matt has a kid ‘Alex’ from his first relationship—the kid is under 2 years old.”
“Every now and then I used to look after Alex when Matt was at work. We don’t live together, but they stayed at mine every now and then.”
“We decided to go on holiday for 10 days at the start of May, and due to some family drama, Alex had to go with us. The flights were over 8 hours long, and I had booked the tickets for all of us.”
“During the flight and the holiday, I spent nearly all of my time looking after Alex while Matt had the time of his life. Some things came to my attention—he was still seeing his ex—which resulted in us breaking up at the end of our stay.”
“On the flight back we were all sitting together and a flight attendant approached us and asked my ex if he wanted an upgrade to business class. Before he could say anything, I mentioned it was me who bought the tickets and used my own account to pay for them, so an upgrade should go to me.”
“The flight attendant was trying to argue at first as she assumed Alex was my child, but I told her that’s not the case and ended up having an upgrade so I can relax after spending all this time looking after Alex.”
“After the flight Matt, a few other passengers who also assumed I am the mum, as well as some family members and friends back here at home called me an a**hole for not giving the upgrade to Matt, even after I mentioned the flight attendant didn’t say anything about Alex being allowed to join Matt.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I might be an a**hole for insisting on taking a seat upgrade that was offered to my ex since I paid for the tickets and used my miles account, so I can have a rest after spending the entire time looking after his child Alex.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Damn OP that sucks, paying for a flight, in a breakup, taking care of a child on YOUR vacation. You by no means are the a**hole, hell the audacity of the ex is unbelivable.”
“It just pisses me off so much that I can’t even begin to imagine your frustration. Honestly, i would say move on, but you seem to already be doing that so I got nothin else to say.
“Oh, and by the way, the real a**hole is the ex.” ~ DamnDamnDamnDamnDa
People weren’t letting the flight attendant off the hook either.
“The flight attendant is an a**hole too. Why would it be OK to leave the mom with the kid, but not the dad?”
“Why did they not first offer to the person who bought the tickets as that’s where the priority should’ve been? They have a list of who they can upgrade based on their status with the airline.” ~ Individual_Water3981
“Her offering the boyfriend/man originally—like he is some poor fella who needs a break from a child—and shaming the woman for doing what she was offering the boyfriend makes me think her flight attendant was a massive a**hole.” ~ sunlightofourpast
“I would complain to the airline about the sexism shown by the air steward. As you said there is a list and as OP booked the tickets it would have been her name for the upgrade. NTA.”
“I thought it was the person who booked—she was signed up for air miles—that those people would be offered the upgrade first. Hard to tell if that was the case or if the FA just offered to upgrade to a man.” ~ Zsazsabinks
“For me the steward was an a**hole when he/she attempted to ‘argue’ that it was only appropriate that the penis deserved the upgrade.”
“The appropriate response would have been to say an upgrade was feasible and escort whoever claimed it and not make assumptions for a couple.” ~ laurazhobson
“Exactly!”
“FA: (to ex) ‘Would you care for an upgrade?’.”
“OP: ‘I actually bought the tickets’.”
“FA: ‘Oh well, then would YOU like an upgrade?’.”
“OP: ‘Yes!’.” ~ LingonberryPrior6896
“Wait, why would it be OK for the father to ditch their child to be upgraded to business and not OK for the mother to do the same?”
“Even if this—mother and father—isn’t the case here, the other passengers seem to think so. This is some sexist sh*t.”
“NTA. Dump him permanently. He doesn’t seem to appreciate you at all.” ~ MRandomRedditAccount
“Sadly that’s the world we live in. Mom has to sacrifice everything for their kids, while dad can have fun.”
“I’ve seen it first hand with my husband.” ~ PercentageUnhappy117
“This right here is why many women are choosing to be child-free now, including myself.” ~ -Avacyn
“NTA. I bet it was probably nice to put some space between you and your brand-new ex with such a long flight, too.”
“What was he going to do, take the upgrade and leave his young kid with the woman who he just broke up with? There’s no world in which that makes any sense.”
“Since he’s one of the people mad at her, and he’s rallying other people to be mad at her, I think that’s pretty clearly what he’d do, but it’s just utterly nonsensical.” ~ KaliTheBlaze
“NTA—Who gives a sh*t what strangers on the plane think of you? He doesn’t deserve your upgrade.” ~ captainhowdy82
“He doesn’t deserve anything! I bet if she announced what happened, the whole plane would be on her side. NTA.” ~ notentirely_fearless
“I would have announced it, loudly so the back could hear it too. Maybe fully name drop him so single woman know to stay clear of him in the future.” ~ Cute_Assumption_7047
“NTA. I would clearly have stated loudly in response to anyone commenting, ‘I’m not even related to the child—he’s the dad. I’m just the idiot who was used to paying for this flight and then had his child dumped on me the whole time. I’m not even in a relationship any more with this dead beat cheater. So never make judgements when you don’t have a clue’.” ~ Sweet-Interview5620
“NTA—he’s lucky you didn’t cancel his tickets. You deserve an actual vacation instead of an unpaid nanny gig.”
“Being stuck with most of the childcare would have been grounds for a breakup even if you were the bio mom.” ~ FYourAppLeaveMeAlone
“I would have announced to the cabin that, ‘We broke up on the trip I paid for because he was caught cheating on me with the ex who is the mother of this child’ since he was trying to get angry sympathy.” ~ Petite_Tsunami
“I had the same thought! ‘Attention passengers, this guy is cheating on me with the baby mama, and I paid for these goddamn tickets. Now enjoy your in-flight entertainment.” ~ CheshireCat6886
“NTA. I love the symbolism of you going on to better things and leaving him behind to deal with his own life. Haters gonna hate. You go girl.” ~ Outrageous-Ad-9635
“Why are friends and family members weighing in on this? How is it any of their business?”
“OP, you are NTA, but Matt and those friends and family certainly are.” ~ East-Ad-1560
“NTA—there is no reasonable universe in which you are an a.**hole here. It is his child, and with no obligation you’d already done a lot for and with the kid.”
“From what you write it is very hard to understand why anyone would think you made the wrong move here.” ~ justnorse
“Ignore the strangers. For your family members and friends, ask them directly face-to-face, ‘Explain to me precisely why you think I owed a man free babysitting after I learned he was cheating on me?’.”
“There is no reasonable explanation on their end. The only true answer is that they think you don’t deserve respect or decency. For me, it doesn’t matter if it’s personal or because you are a woman. NTA.” ~ concretism
“NTA. And even if you were the mom, why should Matt get the upgrade? 90% of the time the mom is the one caring for the kids and in need of a break.” ~ WishmeluckOG
People were pretty clear in their judgment.
When dating someone with children, it can be hard to tell if their interest is in finding a romantic partner or a free babysitter.
Looks like OP got their answer on this vacation.