We’ve all known someone who basically treated all of their relationships as transactions and only stayed close to someone as long as they felt they could gain something from them.
Sometimes that goes so far as to incorporate affairs into long-term relationships, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Chemical_Ordinary758 had become suspicious of how her boyfriend was behaving, and when she finally researched what was going on, she was heartbroken to discover that he was cheating on her with her best friend.
Because she’d been funding their whole life together, and likely the affair, too, the Original Poster (OP) was quick to cut her boyfriend off from access to her bank accounts, credit cards, and home while he was at work.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for canceling my fiancé’s credit cards and throwing him out after I discovered he was cheating on me with my best friend?”
The OP had a wonderful relationship with her husband and best friend.
“I (32 Female) have been with my fiancé, Jake (34 Male), for five years.”
“We got engaged last year, and I’ve been covering most of our expenses since I earn a lot more. I even added Jake to my credit cards to help him out.”
“My best friend, Emily (31 Female), and I have been close since college, and she’s been like a sister to me.”
“Jake and Emily got along well, and the three of us hung out often.”
But then the OP became suspicious of her husband’s behavior.
“But a few weeks ago, I noticed Jake acting weird: being secretive with his phone, taking calls in another room, and constantly texting.”
“I couldn’t shake the feeling something was off.”
“One night, while Jake was asleep, I checked his phone. What I found shattered me: explicit messages between him and Emily, plans to meet behind my back, and even talks about a ‘future’ together.”
“I felt utterly betrayed by the two people I trusted most.”
The OP acted quickly.
“The next day, while Jake was at work, I canceled all his credit cards, removed him from our joint account, packed up his stuff, changed the locks, and left a note with his things, telling him never to contact me again.”
“When he found out, he blew up, accusing me of being ‘cruel’ and ‘vindictive.'”
“Emily hasn’t said a word, but I’ve cut off all contact with her, too.”
“Now, I’m starting to wonder if I overreacted by going nuclear. Was I wrong to cut Jake off financially, kick him out, and to cut off my best friend after finding out they were cheating on me?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she had done exactly what she needed to do.
“You did not overreact. They are vile and disgraceful. They would have gone no contact with you once he was in a position to leave you. Probably after he squirrelled away enough of your money to do so.”
“She is not a friend. Honestly the saying ‘with friends like these who need’s enemies’ is fitting.”
“I suggest seeing a therapist, because for you to question your actions tells me you need to build your self-respect and self-worth. Please don’t look back and move on and up. NTA.” – Gohighsweetcherry
“Of course NTA. So cool, now Jake can be Emily’s financial burden instead of yours. Now if Emily actually decides to take on caring for Jake and stays with him, she’ll have to question every female friend she has around her, because if he can do that to you, he can certainly do the same to her.”
“Nothing like starting a relationship out on lies and deceit! Those always end up happy.”
“You did what was best for you and you should stick to that. He doesn’t deserve your sympathy after what he did to you.” – StuporCool
“What other option did you have? There is absolutely no excuse or justification either one of them could provide that would change you cutting both of them out of your life.” – ellagirlmmm
“NTA. When you find out someone is using you for an ATM, you protect your finances and yourself by shutting that down.”
“And by blocking them, you are protecting yourself from future manipulation. You were quite kind to yourself and kind to them by refraining from homicide.”
“I wish you the best.” – Familiar-Ostrich537
“On what planet are you the AH? You got rid of a cheater and a financial leach. F**k those two.” – TopAd7154
“NTA. And this was NOT nuclear. Nuclear would be putting them on blast all over social media and sending screenshots of their texts to their families, jobs, and everyone they know. THAT would be nuclear.”
“All you did was remove a cheating piece of s**t and a friend who betrayed you from your life.” – Proud-Geek1019
“How are YOU cruel? Vindictive?”
“The f**k?! Are you supposed to fund his life when y’all break up?”
“He was mooching off you anyway.”
“Let them both go be merry together.”
“He’s gonna be begging on his hands and knees now that his ATM has figured everything out.”
“NTA.”
“Please don’t take him back.” – Significant-Owl5869
“You did not overreact. I think you were reacting more than fairly. They are horrible. More than that, they deserve nothing.”
“What is always telling of bad behavior is when they try to make you the bad guy to divert the actual attention on their f**ked up behavior.” – youmustb3jok3n
“What I don’t understand about this post, and others like it, is how did we get to the point (as a society) where we even consider being an AH for simply requiring those around us to show common decency and respect?”
“OP, you did the right thing by standing up for yourself. Your ex is only mad because he lost his ATM (sorry).” – DigKlutzy4377
Others agreed and encouraged the OP to stay ahead of the drama.
“NTA.”
“Of course, you’re not overreacting. He is a cheating b**tard. so you can be as mean as you need to be. It’s not vindictive or cruel to cut this cancer out of your life.”
“BUT you need to be proactive. Tell your common friends what happened and what they did. Tell them you’re not asking them to choose, but you will simply choose not to attend events if those two cheaters will be present at gatherings.”
“Otherwise, they’ll likely twist the story and make it sound as if you were abusive or crazy or toxic.” – Scary-Cycle1508
“NTA. This is a severe case of FAFO (f**k around and find out). He f**ked around and has been found out.”
“So he expected you to continue funding his affair?”
“Go through the old CC statements and see how much you were funding their lifestyle. You might need a lawyer or accountant to get your money back if he’s been using your money for his affair.”
“Also, don’t forget to tell everyone you know exactly what was going on. If you’re going to burn some bridges, nuke everyone one they have.” – stiggley
“I wouldn’t be surprised if Emily dropped him too now that he’s free to ‘be’ with her. She knows that, if he were to strike up a public relationship with her, it’s likely he’d expect her to do exactly what you were doing . . . support him, and then she’ll worry that he’ll be looking for someone else when she’s not home, out with friends, etc.”
“There’s also the idea that, without the ‘thrill’ or ‘excitement’ of the relationship being ‘forbidden’ (because he was in a relationship with you), neither of them wants to actually be together or, if they do get together, they realize that it’s not nearly as fun/exciting/thrilling as it was before so the relationship fails miserably.”
“Either way, I wouldn’t be surprised if one, or both, come crawling back to you at some point in the future (near or otherwise) and tries to re-establish whatever relationship they had before so they can sponge off you (or try to poach your new relationship) again.”
“Make sure your friends and family know what these two people did, so if they ever DO try to crawl back to you, they won’t try to encourage you to give them another chance.” – Lazy_Departure7970
“You didn’t go nearly nuclear enough! You should have posted their chat history online in any group or friend list that you shared with Emily.”
“Then, you should have filed a lawsuit against her for alienation of affections.”
“Burn them to the ground and repost that information every year!” – AlpineLad1965
“OP, you are NTA. And as for going nuclear, I’d say what you did was the bare minimum. I would’ve saved the messages and shared them on social media. Let your other friends in your shared friend circle know that:”
“A. Your ex is a lying, cheating mooch and a**hole.”
“B. Your ex-bestie should be kept far away from other people’s boyfriends and husbands.”
“Honestly, what other outcome did your fiancé expect? An amicable breakup where he gets to continue living under your roof? Maybe he could even bring back your bestie to the house at the conclusion of a date? You continue to subsidize his lifestyle and basic expenses happily, thereby indirectly subsidizing his relationship with your ex-bestie?”
“Like, literally, what did he expect?! What part of not sharing your home, money, or body is vindictive?” – CaptainNadz
The subReddit was left shaking their collective head, wondering how the OP could possibly think that she was wrong for putting an end to financially supporting a fake relationship.
If the OP had not caught on to the affair, her ex likely would have left her as soon as he was financially able to. It was best for her to save her heart and her wallet and cut all ties now.