Ironic though it may seem, if you decide to throw a wedding, the wedding shouldn’t necessarily be all about you.
As having a wedding means that you want to spend the day with both your nearest and dearest, as well as somewhat distant friends or family you don’t have an opportunity to see as often.
That being said, a wedding is still very much a day belonging to the happy couple, who deserve to be the center of attention.
So any efforts to steal that attention away by others will likely not be appreciated.
Redditor pretty_priya1 was greatly looking forward to her wedding.
Putting a slight damper on things, however, was when the original poster (OP)’s best friend asked for a favor during the reception.
A favor the OP flatly refused, feeling it would steer the attention elsewhere on her wedding day.
Seeing that her decision clearly diminished her friend’s enjoyment of her wedding, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to let my best friend’s fiancé propose at my wedding?”
The OP explained why she was not at all willing to fulfill her friend’s request at her wedding:
“So, I (30 F[emale]) got married last month to the love of my life, and everything went off without a hitch—except for one awkward moment.”
“A week before the wedding, my best friend, “Maya” (29 F), asked if her fiancé “Jake” (28 M[ale]) could propose to her at my reception.”
“Apparently, Jake thought it would be ‘romantic’ and was convinced that it would make their moment more special.”
“Now, I love Maya, but the idea of having my wedding overshadowed by their proposal didn’t sit right with me.”
“I politely said no and suggested they have their own special day.”
“Maya seemed a little disappointed, but she said she understood.”
“On the wedding day, I noticed Maya and Jake were acting distant, and it was clear something was off.”
“I later found out that Jake was upset with me for ‘ruining his plan’ and felt like I’d been selfish for not allowing them to share in the love of the day.”
“AITA for refusing to let them have their proposal at my wedding, or was I being selfish by not letting them make it a double celebration?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow Jake to propose to Maya at her wedding.
Everyone agreed that Jake and Maya were clearly only thinking of themselves, and also clearly only wanted to have the proposal at the OP’s wedding for an attention grab, agreeing that was a truly selfish and inappropriate thing to do:
“NTA.”
“Your wedding day is about celebrating you and your partner, not serving as a backdrop for someone else’s proposal.”
“Proposals at weddings are often seen as inappropriate because they can shift the focus away from the couple being celebrated, which is exactly why you were right to say no.”
“Honestly, your friend should have known better than to ask in the first place.”
“It’s common sense that it’s rude to make someone else’s wedding about you, and I don’t understand why she even thought that would be okay.”
“It’s your day, not an open mic for other people’s romantic gestures.”
“You weren’t selfish—you were just setting a completely reasonable boundary.”
“Stand by your decision, and don’t feel bad for keeping the spotlight where it belonged: on you and your partner.”- anxiety_watermelon
“NTA.”
“And….why is SHE asking if she can get proposed TO at your wedding.”
“That means the proposal has effectively already happened and they are just putting on a play for attention.”- H8MakingAccounts
“NTA.”
“Were Maya and Jake also planning on paying for half the costs of the reception, caterer, DJ, decorations, etc.?”
“I mean they wanted to share in the love of the day so did that mean they wanted to also share in the costs of the day?”
“Yah, didn’t think so.”
“Again, NTA.”- ejdjd
“NTA.”
“There should be a special place in the afterlife for people who hijack others’ special events (weddings, birthdays, engagement parties, funerals (!), anniversaries, etc.) to announce their own special event.”
“My only exception to this rule would be if an unexpected emergency or family tragedy takes place during/just-before said event.”- Individual_Ad_9213
“NTA in the slightest.”
“How is a proposal she knows about and is taking part in planning gonna be special at all?”
“That sh*ts not even real at that point.”
“Which feels even worse.”
“Like it’s almost fake?”
“You want to hijack my wedding to put on this proposal skit for my friends and family?”
“Weird, selfish and stupid.”- AmITheAHAccount
“NTA.”
“If SHE asked if HE could propose to her at your wedding, they were not asking for a proposal.”
“they were asking you to subsidise their engagement party.”
“If it is planned by the couple together, then it is no longer a ‘proposal’.”- PharmCath
“NTA.”
“Can we normalize wedding days being about the bride and groom only?”
“No proposals, no baby announcements, no one stealing the show… it should be about the two people listed on the invitation.”
“If there is one day two people should get to enjoy being solely about them, it’s their wedding day.”-Spiritual-Phoenix
“NTA.”
“Your wedding day is about you and your partner, and it’s perfectly reasonable to want the focus to be on your special moment.”
“A proposal at your wedding would have taken attention away from you, which is not fair.”
“You were polite in your refusal and even suggested they have their own special day for the proposal, which was thoughtful.”
“Jake’s reaction is the selfish one here, as he wanted to make your wedding about them.”
“You did nothing wrong by standing your ground and protecting the significance of your own celebration.”- p1inkcut1e
“NTA.”
“Also aren’t they technically already engaged when Maya already knows and apparently plans on saying yes?”- confuus-duin
“NTA.”
“I just got married and it cost a great deal of time, energy, and money.”
“My husband (and yours) planned proposals- Jake can plan his own too.”- MiddleHuckleberry445
“NTA!”
“Your friend is lovely for telling you in advance so that the wouldn’t just do it, her boyfriend though, you have to watch out for him.”
“People wqho love overshadowing others special moments are very very weird.”
“Keep an eye out!”- honeybabybear05
“They can pay for their own damn special event to propose at.”
“And what is this deal with acting like a proposal must be done publicly to count?”
“They’re both in on it, it’s not a surprise, so what kind of narcissism requires an audience for it?’
“NTA of course.”- RedneckDebutante
“NTA.”
“It’s a bit pathetic, they were already basically engaged, they just wanted a show and a free party.”
“Sod that, he can pay for a romantic, fake proposal in his own time.”
“That should really show her how little he cares about her, that he’d rather get it all for free than spend money on her.”
“Bet her ring is fake too.”- Ok_Young1709
“NTA.”
“It’s a shame that they’re disappointed, but they asked a request, and you said no!”
“It’s one of the most memorable days of your life. You’re allowed to say no to requests like that.”
“Maybe help your friend’s fiance plan his proposal so that it’s still something memorable and that they love!”- curvyglrlthrowaway
“NTA.”
“I just do not understand this sh*t.”
“Why in the name of little green apples would my family, and my partner’s family, give four-fifths of a flying f*ck about someone they don’t know getting engaged?”
“How is that special?”
“For anyone involved?”
“Share your proposals with your own damned families and stop trying to co-opt other peoples’ life moments.”- voxetpraetereanihill
“NTA!”
“I don’t get how some people just can’t see how much of an a-hole they are.”
“Trying to hijack someone else’s special day is nothing short of narcissistic and insensitive.”-DevDevianDeviant
“NTA.’
“This is a complete farce.”
“If they both know about it, they had already decided to get married, and one of them had proposed it.”
“So it’s a sham.”
“A ‘proposal’ would be play-acting.”
“Re your wedding, any announcement or event taking place is for you to veto.”
“Your friends are very selfish and not very intelligent.”- Time-Tie-231
“NTA.”
“Your day.”
“They’ll get their day in turn.”
“Your friends are clueless a**holes for their gaslighting/guilt-tripping response.”- RandomAho
Some people just can’t stand it when they are not the center of attention.
Seeing as Jake and Maya both wanted to perform a blatantly staged proposal, which Maya was well aware of, it’s safe to assume that they are both those kinds of people.
On the flip side, the OP seems to have an eternally guilty conscience.
As she worried that she was selfish for saying no to Jake and Maya’s blatantly selfish request.