Many people will go to great lengths to avoid causing conflict.
Even if it’s at something of a personal expense.
Resulting in people “turning the other cheek” or “taking things in stride” when they hear people make demeaning, downright hurtful remarks about them.
However, everyone has their limits, and some bad behavior simply cannot go unnoticed.
Redditor Paranoidgf88 found herself in the midst of a toxic work environment. Specifically owing to the behavior of certain colleagues, prompting the original poster (OP) to report them to her superiors.
While her superiors ultimately had her back, the OP was shocked to discover someone extremely important to her did not support her in this decision.
Even going so far as to scold her.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my supervisor that coworkers comments about my weight made me upset?”
The OP shared how reporting her coworkers landed her in hot water with a surprising individual:
“I (27 F[emale]) told my supervisor that coworkers’ comment about my weight had been upsetting me.”
“For context, I have gained weight because I was extremely UNDERweight and am now at a healthy weight.”
“The first comment was a middle-aged male telling me I got fat.”
“He backpedled when I made a face saying that he meant it in a good way because I was too skinny before.”
“But then continued asking if he was right?”
“Asking if I did gain weight.”
“Then another middle-aged male coworker pointed at me, brought his hands up to his mouth to mimic eating, and then spread his arms out wide to indicate a wide body.”
“I ended up telling my supervisor because I don’t think it’s right for anyone to be making comments about anyone’s body.”
“What if I was recovering from an eating disorder or something?”
“She was appalled & brought it to my manager who said it was disgusting & that no one should be made uncomfortable at work.”
“So I figured I did the right thing.”
“Until I told my dad, and he said that I shouldn’t have done that because it’s like tattle tailing like a child and that now the coworkers will have animosity against me?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for reporting her male coworkers.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s coworkers was blatant bullying that should not be tolerated, with just about everyone equally horrified by the reaction of the OP’s father when she told him what she did:
“NTA!”
“Your Dad may be from a generation where men got away with this type of behavior and he hasn’t grown with the times.”
“It’s disturbing that, as a father, he thinks you should accept this.”
“If he doesn’t feel protective over you, I dread to think of how he treats his female coworkers.”- FoundationWinter3488
“NTA, ignore your dad because I’m sorry, he’s probably someone who comments about people’s bodies at work.”
“Glad you have management that will listen to your concerns.”- IAmTAAlways
“NTA.”
“Your dad is a card-carrying member of the old boys club.”
“No one should ever comment on your weight ever.”
“Look them dead in the eye and say ‘that’s a really odd thing to say out loud’.”
“Embarrass them back.”
“‘Don’t you think that’s a little personal’, ‘did you mean to be so rude’ and ‘I’m going to forget you said that’.”- squirrelsareevil2479
“NTA.”
“This is bullying – says a lot about your dad he doesn’t think you should have done anything about it.”- LingonberryNo2455
“NTA.”
“Please ask your dad: hmm, I just noticed it, are you going bald?”
“Combine this with a vague gesture towards the top of your head, that spot no one can ever see on their own body, not even with the help of a mirror.”
“Walk away.”
“If you feel kind, you can tell him after a few days that you were joking.”
“But I would let him freak out for a long time.”- Synn1982
“NTA.”
“The best thing to do is respond right away to the person who actually said the inappropriate things.”
“Say ‘why are you commenting on my body?’ Or ‘I am not going to discuss my body/health with you’.”- lynnlugg7777
“NTA.”
“As a former supervisor, I wanted my employees to tell me or HR if someone was making them uncomfortable at work.”
“We were near each other 8+ hours a day.”
“It was important to ensure behavior like that was stopped ASAP.”
“No one wants to work in an environment where their coworkers are allowed to bully them.”
“This makes me wonder if your dad made comments like this in the past and got reprimanded.”
“Don’t listen to him.”
“Your colleagues were disrespectful and rude.”- buttercupgrump
“NTA.”
“Your weight is not your coworkers’ business.”- Ingwall-Koldun
“NTA.”
“Your dad is, though.”- ElleArr26
“NTA.”
“Your dad is immature.”
“This is what the supervisor/hr is there for.”
“This isn’t a schoolyard; this is your place of employment.”
“If someone gets butthurt hearing that their behavior is bad from a supervisor, then maybe they aren’t mature enough to be in the workplace.”- questionably_edible
“NTA.”
“I’m sorry but people like your dad are part of the problem.”
“Some AH men think they have the right to comment on women’s bodies, good or bad.”
“You did the right thing.”
“This happens a lot and not just in the work place.”
“Heck, last year in March, I started losing weight.”
“For health and cause, I figured it’d be easier now than when I got older anyway.”
“After the first I think it was 17 or 20 I was leave the doc office feeling good cause it had only been about a month.”
“I passed a guy in the parking garage who made a rude comment.”
“He pointed to my belling asking when I was due laughing.”
“I glared and said oh, as if you such a prize and got in my car.”
“Now, could I have ignored it? Yes, but that would not have done anything.”
“Wish I could have come up with something better but it was the best I could do spur of the moment.”
“I’m now down almost 80 and kinda wish I could that AH again, but oh well.”-Broad_Woodpecker_180
“NTA .”
“Your coworkers were extremely rude and inappropriate.”
“Sure people hate tattle tailing… when it’s minor things or unrelated to you.”
“Coworker got 5 minutes late or is slacking off if you don’t have to pick the slack yourself or they ate a granola bar in a place they aren’t supposed to eat.”- Addaran
“NTA.”
“You did the right thing.”
“The fact that your father can’t see that and disagrees with you is honestly more telling of him and his behavior.”
“He’s probably one of those type of guys at his workplace.”- KingsRansom79
“Your dad is wrong.”
“Labeling someone a ‘tattle tale’ is so dumb.”
“It’s saying you are weak and wrong for not protecting the people who harassed you.”
“You aren’t creating animosity with your actions. It’s them and their inappropriate behavior that created this rift.”
“NTA.”- eevee0000
“NTA.”
“Is your dad also a middle-aged fat man?”
“You did the right thing.”
“As you said, what if you had an ED and this made you relapse?!”
“Good for you for standing up for not just yourself but others who could be put in this situation.”- Careful_Doubt3585
“NTA.”
“Your father would, and has, done the same to his female colleagues.”- No_Heart_SoD
“NTA.”
“Your dad is the type of AH who would say that stuff to random women, and he doesn’t like that you retaliated because he would get in trouble.”- Worried-Midnight-750
“NTA.”
“That old-school misogyny that your dad harbors is an issue you will deal with when complaining about older male coworkers.”
“And it does suck, but those people will never change if we as women in the workplace don’t speak up.”- Kcox0924
“NTA.”
“Your dad is the same demographic as those colleagues who made comments.”
“His opinion on this issue does not hold any validity.”
“Your colleagues may show animosity toward you, but that’s because their bad behavior was called out and they are too fragile to humble themselves and self reflect.”
“You are managing your health, and that is commendable.”
“Don’t let anyone’s comments deter you!”- Confident-Corgi-2048
“NTA.”
“They were completely out of line, and you have a right to work in a professional environment.”- Material-Profit5923
“NTA.”
“You were right to tell your supervisor, but your dad was also right, at least about the consequences.”
“The offensive co-workers will now be able to claim they were joking or that you didn’t object in the moment.”
“Not fair of them, I know.”
“Maybe your dad can roleplay with you to help you overcome the freeze response?”
“You can learn a stock phrase to pull out in most situations, such as, ‘That was incredibly rude!’ or ‘Why on earth would you say something so offensive?!'”- CraftyHon
It’s never ok to make jokes about someone’s appearance, plain and simple.
Especially in a place of work.
Based on the reaction of the OP’s father, one sadly gets the feeling that she’s been forced to endure bullying for far too much of her childhood.
And enough is definitely enough.