The relationship between a stepparent and a stepchild will always be a delicate balance.
Even if it seems they have a good relationship, the struggle to achieve acceptance from each other is always likely to remain.
Purely owing to the fact that they aren’t blood relations, and in the stepparent’s case, might serve as a reminder to their stepchild that their patents’ marriage didn’t work out.
Always leaving them vulnerable in situations regarding their stepchildren’s two actual parents.
The son of Redditor Kindly_Zebra3960 was about to graduate from high school.
When it came time to finalize the guest list, the original poster (OP) encouraged his son to invite his mother to the ceremony.
Among those who did not make the guest list was the OP’s wife, his son’s stepmother.
A decision that did not sit well with her at all, particularly as it was almost entirely through the OP’s encouragement.
Fearing he might have made the wrong decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my son not to invite my wife to his graduation?”
The OP explained why he encouraged his son to invite his mother, but not his stepmother, to his graduation ceremony:
“I (36 M[ale]) have a son (17 M) that is graduating high school this year.”
“His mom and I spit up when he was young, and I got married to my now wife (37 F[emale]) a few years ago.”
“His mom doesn’t live super closed, so my son mostly stays with me, but he’ll call her a few times a week and go over to her house on long weekends.”
“My son wanted to invite me, my wife, his mom, and his brother (19 M) to his graduation, but each student only gets up to 3 tickets.”
“My son tried asking if he could get one more, but they told him that since the school auditorium wasn’t very big, they wouldn’t have enough seating if they gave students extra tickets.”
“They did tell him that the school usually does a raffle for extra tickets if they have any open spots, but the tickets aren’t guaranteed.”
“My son talked to me about it, and said he didn’t know what to do because he wanted both his mom and my wife to be there.”
“He said that he could just invite my wife if it was easier, and celebrate with his mom separately.”
“I know that my son is still close with his mom even though he doesn’t see her as often anymore, so I told him that unless there was a specific reason he didn’t want her there, he should probably invite his mom first, and put his name in for the raffle to try and get one for my wife.”
“He seemed happy with this idea, and called his mom to tell her.”
“Earlier today, my wife was asking my son about the graduation, and he told told her that he didn’t have enough tickets for everyone, but was trying to get an extra one for her.”
“She asked who he had given the tickets to and he said me, his brother, and his mom.”
“She seemed a bit surprised but didn’t say anything else.”
“Later she said if I could ask my son to give the ticket to her instead of his mom, and I told her no because it was his choice, and he had already told his mom.”
“She said she didn’t understand why he would give it to his mom when he doesn’t even see her that often, and that he should have just given it to her.”
“I told her that I told him to invite his mom, and even if he doesn’t see her as often it doesn’t mean that his mom doesn’t matter to him.”
“She got upset and asked why I would tell him that, and wouldn’t I rather spend the day with her instead of my ex.”
“I said that is didn’t matter what I though because my son is really close with his mom, and just because I’ve had issues with her doesn’t mean that he does too.”
“Now my wife is mad at me, and accused me of just wanting to see my ex.”
“I do want my wife to come to the graduation, but I think that it’s more important that my son has his mom there.”
“Me and my wife have been married for almost 3 years, and she met my kids about a year or 2 before.”
“My oldest son does want to come to the graduation, and I know that my younger son does want his brother to be there, so I’m not going to ask him to give up the ticket.”
“Also, I know I should have talked to my wife about it before, but I wanted to wait until my son was 100% sure who he wanted to come.”
“He called his mom the day before all this happened, and let me know in the morning so I was planning to talk to her that night.”
“I know I should have told her before, and that is my fault.”
“Also my son is going to ask some of his friends if they have extra tickets.”
“My wife wont be home today but I’m going to talk to her later tonight.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community stood with the OP, and agreed he was not the a**hole for encouraging his son to give his mother the ticket to his graduation.
Everyone agreed that the OP encouraging his son to invite his mother was the absolutely right thing to do, and found it suspicious that his wife couldn’t understand this:
“Most definitely NTA.”
“She got upset and asked why I would tell him that, and wouldn’t I rather spend the day with her instead of my ex.”
“Your son’s graduation isn’t about you or your wife or your ex.”
“It’s about your son, and his actual parents (assuming they’re both involved in his life & it sounds like you both are) should get to see this milestone happen.”
“Your wife is being incredibly insecure here; it’s not a contest to see who looks more important to your son.”
“She should be ashamed for making his big moment about her instead of him.”- MamaH1620
“Was this not an issue when the 19 year old graduated?”
“NTA.”
“Your wife should understand that it’s his mother.”
“Also, you didn’t tell him not to invite your wife.”- Jealous-Jellyfish560
“The fact that your wife (who has only been in your son’s life for a few years) thinks she deserves ticket over your son’s mother is a huge red flag.”
“You are NTA, but she absolutely is.”- Evening-Dare6012
“You are definitely NTA your wife is though.”
“His mother is just as important if not more important than his step mom to him.”
“He only gets 3 tickets and unless there is some reason that his bio mom should not be in his life ie she is abusive the ticket should go to her.”--DovahQueen-
“NTA.”
“You thoughtfully prioritized what would matter most to your son, and let him decide whether it was more important to him to have his mother or his stepmother there.”
“In an ideal world, all of you would get to go, and maybe you’ll get lucky and that will happen.”
“Your wife shouldn’t want to exclude your son’s mother from his milestone events, even if it’s awkward.”
“Even if it means there might not be room for your wife.”
“Your son should get to make that call (on the rare occasions where it needs to be made) because it’s HIS milestone.”- KaliTheBlaze
“NTA.”
“Any stepparent who thinks they take precedence over a bio parent with whom the child still has a good relationship is delusional.”
“Sincerely, someone who is close with both her bio parents and her stepparents.”- couchpotato5878
“NTA.”
“But you have an insecure wife problem.”- 4ries20
“Absolutely NTA!”
“Your wife is though, I’m not quite sure why she would assume that she would be going in place of your son’s mother.”
“It’s important for your son to still have the opportunity to celebrate special milestones with both of his parents.”- EmergencyPainting616
“NTA.”
“But your wife clearly is.”
“Your son has every right to invite his mother and not his step mother.”
“She is being selfish.”
“I don’t see my mom that often either but I would want her to be at my graduation.”
“Your wife saying that she should have been invited instead because he never sees him is disgusting.”- xxPastelPawxx
It is a good sign that the OP’s wife wants to be an active and present figure in her stepson’s life.
However, she should not be fighting her stepson’s mother for that attention. After all, the OP’s son wasn’t trying to exclude her but instead simply couldn’t accommodate everyone.
Should he be able to acquire that extra ticket, this will all hopefully be water under the bridge.