It's a terrible feeling to realize that your relationship is struggling, but it's an even worse feeling when you and your partner agree to work on the relationship, only for you to realize that they have no intention of "working it out."
As a matter of fact, they usually go out and make the situation much worse, cringed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor ModernT1mes knew that his marriage was struggling between the pandemic, problems at work, and even PTSD, but he thought that he and his wife could work things out.
When she agreed to work on it with him, only to cheat on him instead, the Original Poster (OP) knew there was no relationship left to salvage.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for contacting the wife of the man my wife has been cheating on me with and telling her that her husband is cheating on her with my wife? My wife is mad at me for telling her."
The OP realized that his wife was cheating with a guy from work.
"I caught my wife three days ago sexting another man."
"Our 13 years of marriage have been on the rocks before I found out. She told me we could work on the relationship, only for her to turn around and cheat on me."
She tried to make the OP to blame when he reached out to the affair partner's wife.
"She was remorseful about it until I talked to the wife. I did some digging about this guy and found out he was married. I found her phone number and talked to her to tell her what happened and where to find the messages."
"Well, the guy and my wife work together, and he told my wife I told his wife."
"She is now 'disgusted with me' and says 'I had no right to tell her.'"
"I told her parents what was going on before she could spin a story about me, and they are upset with her. We live in a nice middle-class neighborhood with top schools and two kids (ages 7 and 3). They're upset the kids are caught in her bulls**t."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that his wife had no right to feel disgusted about his admission.
"She cheated, and she feels disgusted with you? That's some serious gaslighting. Time to send her packing, honestly. NTA." - mfk_1974
"Such a pity she had to deal with the consequences. I've seen coworkers cheat, and it never ends well."
"I sent a former employee to HR for an undisclosed relationship with a coworker after I caught them together in the supply room. I'm not forgiving, because if they do that to their spouse, they'll definitely lie and betray coworkers. Both got fired and had to go home and explain why." - RaucousPanda512
"You're not the one who broke the trust in your marriage, and your wife needs to focus on her own choices." - magnentaangelx
"Yeah, I'm sorry, but the moment someone cheats in a relationship, they forfeit the right to 'feel disgusted' at other people." - DivineTarot
"It blows my mind when these people try to take the moral high ground in these situations."
"They were effing CHEATING and still have the gall to basically say, 'How DARE you make us accountable for our f**k up?!'" - Humble_Nobody2884
"NTA, OP. We are all disgusted with your wife. She has no right to feel whatever she feels unless it's remorse and shame." - Kindly-Addition1793
Others agreed and said the wife was living a classic "f**k around and find out" scenario.
"Actions, meet Consequences. Tell her you gained that right and that obligation when she cheated."
"You gave the other spouse what your wife never gave you: the right to make an informed decision on the state of her marriage with all the facts. NTA."
"She FA (f**ked around). Now she gets to the FO (find out) stage." - 2cents0f**ks
"If I were that person (the affair partner's wife), I would want to know 100% of the time. So you're not the a**hole; you're a great person for doing the work, finding her, and giving her the unfortunate news."
"Your wife, hopefully former, and soon, is the real gem in this story, and the 'best' part is that she turned herself into the gem she is. NTA all the way." - 73629265
"Your wife was still invested in the affair. She was not done with him, and this makes it even harder to keep going now that his wife is on the case, too."
"Her reaction gives it all away. It's crystal clear that she's still f**kin' around. I'm sorry, buddy. Good luck." - Only_Opinion_2271
"NTA. Your wife is more worried about the man she's cheating on you with than you or your marriage." - yesimreadytorumble
"NTA. She also may be in trouble at work now if they have fraternization rules."
"Adultery destroys at least two families, every time. She should have known better and not let her hormones drive the train. Him too." - PianoQuirky2510
"If your soon-to-be ex-wife expects loyalty from you to not expose her affair, tell her all your loyalty to her evaporated when she chose to cheat on you, and not with a dude who is single, but a dude who is also married, so any loyalty she expects from you went away when she and her affair partner chose to be homewreckers."
"She can be disgusted all she wants, but she brought this on herself, so she needs to kindly shut the absolute f**k up." - Limp_Pipe1113
"A couple of other things to think about. If your wife were truly remorseful, she would have reached out to his wife to apologize for what she'd done. Also, she would have cut off contact with her affair partner."
"The fact that they're still talking at work should be a huge red flag that the affair isn't over. If either you or the other wife is considering reconciling, then at least one of them needs to find a new job." - Soggy-Beach-1495
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
"I really appreciate the support, advice, and validation from this community. The question seems stupid because I've been gaslit and manipulated, and I really needed that Reddit reality check. There are so many replies, I can't find the people whose advice I took to heart and used."
"But to the people who mentioned DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim, and Offender), I appreciate you."
"Same with the people who said I wasn't obligated to keep a cheater's secret and that I gave that wife what she never gave me: the ability to make an informed decision on the state of her marriage with all the facts. Her response was alarming, and I see that now."
"To the people who said to kick her out. I can't do that because we both own this home, and she's entitled to live here by law. I'm trying to keep things civil and clean for the kids. As much as I want to burn this house to the ground, I have to do what's best for the kids and myself right now."
"I went no contact with her after I made this post. Just completely ignored her."
It was clear that the OP's wife wasn't ready to face the reality of what she had done.
"It was her turn to watch the kids tonight, so it was easy to spend time with a friend and clear my head."
"She eventually texted me (my preferred method of communicating messy things), apologizing for how things went down, but then she tried to justify her cheating, saying she wanted a divorce when she did it and told me so (which is not true; she led me on saying maybe we can fix things and I showed her the texts to prove it)."
"I then referred to the DARVO wiki and told her, 'You don't believe what you did is cheating is incredibly narcissistic, and you're victim blaming me. You're highlighting your suffering to appear as the victim and escape blame.'"
"She denied trying to be the victim and said she wasn't blaming me but didn't deny trying to escape blame."
"I told her she led me to believe our 13-year relationship was salvageable, but then she cheated on me when she made up her mind and didn't tell me."
"She told me that was fair for me to say, apologized, and now we're sleeping in separate rooms."
It's interesting when people do something terrible, like cheating, they believe they're entitled to that transgression remaining a secret between themselves and the people they hurt, but that isn't how the world works.
If the OP's wife didn't see herself being happy in the marriage anymore, she should have acted accordingly, which would have been filing for divorce, not cheating her way out of the situation and then trying to keep the act quiet.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.