A major part of most couple's wedding vows is remaining loyal to one another, including only loving and being physical with each other and not incorporating other people.
But some people are much more open to cheating on their partners than others, and AI is making it much easier to do that, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Acrobatic-Act3541 came across stories that his wife was writing on their laptop about her sexual fantasies, mysteriously involving a male figure who looked nothing like him, and while it disturbed him, he didn't mention the discovery.
But when his wife later upped her game by interacting with AI, and even had a suspicious phone number and name saved on her phone, the Original Poster (OP) was no longer sure this counted as a creative exercise or fantasy expression.
He asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting to my wife's fantasies?"
The OP loved his wife and was doing what he could to make their relationship work.
"So my wife and I have been together for over 10 years now. A house, kids, and stuff, but the spark is long gone."
"She's been in a rough mental state for the last few years; she tried therapy, pills, nothing is helping her. I'm doing everything I can to make her feel better."
That included respecting her right to creative expression.
"Not that long ago, she started a new job. Not long after, out of nowhere, she started writing 'a story that will help me vent, but you're not allowed to read it.'"
"She was typing it on our shared laptop; it was slightly hidden, but I bumped into it when I was looking for some files I needed. I read some bits of it before I realized what it was."
"What she described there gave me chills. She was writing about her alter ego, who started a new job, got seduced, and had rough sex at work and outside working hours."
"In the book, the lover is basically 'her fantasy type' she mentioned to me a few times, who is obviously the total opposite of me."
"In the story, the main character's family and mental struggles are basically the same as hers in real life."
"I ignored it and left it buried somewhere in my head."
Later, the OP discovered that his wife had taken her fantasies beyond writing a story.
"Not that long ago, she showed me something on eBay and complained she needs to wait until payday to get it."
"When she went to take a shower and left her phone on the table, I wanted to surprise her and pay for the item from my card."
"Unfortunately, when I unlocked her phone, there was an app open, one of those new storytelling apps where you talk to AI, and it will create a story for you, depending on what you want."
"In that story, the same scenario appeared: manly, rough lover, rough sex, and a wimpy husband."
"On top of that, there was a sticky note app opened on her phone with a real telephone number and a name. The name was identical to the name of a character from the story she was writing."
The OP tried to address the discovery with his wife, but she was furious.
"We are cool with using each other's phones as we had nothing to hide."
"I confronted her, and she said it was just a story to vent, and the AI stuff is just a game."
"I replied that AI is almost like a living person now, and it's not like a book anymore. It will only write what you prompt it to write."
"I told her it feels like cheating or at least emotional cheating."
"In return, she accused me of watching porn as they're real people (she never had issues with that until recently. After she asked me to stop watching it, I stopped)."
"In anger, I said, 'So I'm the bad guy for watching porn and only wanting to sleep with my wife, but fantasies about having sex with strangers at work is fine?!'"
The OP wasn't sure what was next for his relationship.
"She slept downstairs that night, changed her PIN code for her phone, and barely speaks to me."
"We had one more argument, accusing each other of a few more things."
"I told her I'm tired of constantly trying to make her happy and that I need her to put some effort into saving our relationship."
"Now we have quiet days as 'she needs to think about things.'"
"I'm afraid I'll lose her this time. I'm crazy in love with her since day one of us being together, but it feels like she does not desire me in any way, neither physically nor emotionally."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Most could not look past the fact that the OP's wife had a phone number and name noted on her phone, which she couldn't explain until the next day.
"I might be a little out of the loop these days, but I didn’t know AIs had phone numbers now." - Alone_Emphasis_1166
"You should have run that phone number and name through an internet search. It probably belongs to an actual person." - Paconianphysics
"NOR, but that number belongs to her affair partner that she claims is part of her fantasy. I bet she just made up the 'fantasy' part to throw you off the trail of the real deal affair part." - Realistic-Duty-3874
"A fantasy isn't automatically a betrayal. People can have elaborate fantasies and still love their partner deeply. I know that the bigger issue is whether that fantasy is spilling into real life."
"That said, most fantasies don't involve having a real phone number of the person you're fantasizing about. That's at least an emotional affair at that point." - Decent-Arm-872
"NOR, but I will share that I dated someone who did this. I found their account on a journaling website, and they had written about their life, but it was different. Like, instead of being a band nerd, they were a cheerleader. Like 90% of it was the same, but they spiced it up a little."
"It was f**king weird, man. Maybe some people just do this. The phone number is what's throwing me off, not gonna lie." - DerfQT
"The name and phone number definitely make this more concerning, but I'd want actual proof before assuming it's an affair partner and jumping straight to divorce lawyers." - Prize-Impress-7049
"NOR. She hid it for a reason. Her changing the phone PIN right after you confronted her makes it feel more serious and makes me wonder what else she's hiding." - Same-Ad5533
Others assumed the relationship was over and that the OP should start looking into his options to protect himself and his two kids.
"NOR. You saw the name and phone # of her affair partner. Her fantasy is now a reality. Consult an attorney to see how a divorce would play out. You deserve better." - _h_simpson_
"Go see a lawyer to know your rights, just in case. Ask her if she's willing to go to couples counselling. I bet that name and phone number belong to a co-worker."
"If she has to think about things, then it's probably over. Leave the lawyer's card somewhere, where she can 'find' it." - rocketmn69_
"Uhh, she’s cheating, writing about it, and gaslighting you to believe you aren’t seeing what you’re reading. These aren’t fantasies or mental struggles. I’d assume they’re reality. This is more of a journal than fiction." - 707808909808707
"She’s checked out. You should talk to a lawyer and protect yourself. She’s probably already got her exit with that monkey branch planned out. I’d get my assets out of any joint checking ASAP, if I were you." - DeathByCrowbar89
"NOR. In my opinion, if you’re not sexually connecting with your partner and spending time and sexual energy on an AI bot or smut, it is emotional cheating. The same argument for porn can be made."
"It’s not okay, and more importantly, if your partner raises it as uncomfortable and you continue? Yeah, that’s cheating." - K1rbyblows
"Look, she thinks you are safe and that she doesn’t have to put effort into keeping you."
"I would very visibly start looking at divorce lawyers and let her see me reading up on cheating spouses. New places to live, etc." - Decent_Experience240
"It sounds like she's checking out different avenues and is using you as the safe and stable home. There's only a matter of time before she finds what she's looking for, which is not you, by the way. NOR." - saiyanalot
"She sounds like she knows OP will stick around forever because he’s 'madly in love' with her and has stuck with her through her poor mental health days."
"OP’s probably gonna grow to hate himself if he doesn’t leave her, I feel." - Salty_resin11212
'She’s already cheating on you and the story is her feeling guilty and getting it out as a way to alleviate her guilt. NOR. Start making plans, yesterday; you and your children deserve them." - Flaky_Wheel60B
"Sorry, but why are you waiting for her to think about things? Take control of the situation and remind her that the relationship involves two equal partners and decisions work both ways!. Sort her s**t or it's over." - Difficult_Jury_7455
As much as the subReddit could appreciate that the OP loved his wife and children, and he wanted to keep his marriage alive, there comes a time when a person might have to admit that the relationship is over, and a new version of that relationship might be better for the children.
Even if the wife wasn't physically cheating, she seemed to be mentally, if not also emotionally, checked out of the relationship and looking for something that was "obviously" not the OP. A person shouldn't be "obviously" looking for something that in no way embodies the person they vowed to spend the rest of their life with.
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