Artificial intelligence tools are all around us, and unfortunately, an increasing percentage of the population is developing unhealthy relationships with these tools, especially parasocial and psychosocial relationships with chatbot tools that "talk back."
Not only is it potentially damaging to that person, but it can ruin their relationships, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DeliriousParakeet discovered that their partner had spent months having intimate conversations with an "artificial girlfriend" through a subscription he was paying for.
When the Original Poster (P) discovered he was sharing intimate details about himself and his life that he'd never shared with them, they knew their engagement had to end before they walked down the aisle.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by calling off my engagement two days before the wedding, because I found out about a chatbot my partner was using?"
The OP felt betrayed when they discovered their fiancé had an artificial girlfriend. The more they learned, the more disturbed they became.
"I found out my fiancé of four years had been paying for a subscription to one of those AI companion apps."
"He's not just messing around, either. There are months of history."
"He had given 'her' a name. She remembered everything about him. They have inside jokes."
"What hurt is that she knows stories from his childhood that I had never heard."
The OP's fiancé could not understand what the problem was.
"When I confronted him, he cried and said it doesn't count as emotional cheating or anything else, because she's not real."
"But I called off our engagement, just two days before our wedding."
"I told our families the actual reason because I wasn't going to lie for him."
The OP's ex-future mother-in-law pursued them, demanding they change their mind.
"Now his mum is calling me thirty times a day and showed up at my workplace to tell me that I'm destroying her son's life over a computer game."
"Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm being dramatic. I don't know anymore. But it felt like finding out he had a whole other relationship I wasn't allowed to know about."
But the OP couldn't forgive what they discovered.
"The part I can't get over isn't even him using the app. It's that there were so many things he was comfortable telling her that he never told me. She knew him better than I did."
"That's what keeps me up at night and made me uncomfortable with the idea of marrying him."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that their concerns were totally valid.
"It ain’t a game. If he couldn’t communicate that stuff with you for no stakes, imagine what he won’t be communicating to you later down the line where there are stakes. You made the right call." - hepatisF
"NOR. We are living in odd times, and you deserve better." - OG_0803
"The odd thing is, he'd probably lose his mind if you pulled an ultimatum on him and told him to delete the girlfriend."
"Then maybe all the people minimizing it would understand that he is investing genuine time, thought, and emotion into it."
"If he has time and energy to spend on this, it doesn't sound like he is spending enough time communicating with OP. Totally agree with not lying for him." - Organic_Ad_2520
"NOR. Not even close."
"'Not real' doesn’t matter when there’s months of history, a name, inside jokes, and secrets he never told YOU."
"You didn’t leave over an app. You left because he built an emotional relationship and hid it. That’s betrayal." - BenefitJoy
"Hiding something like that for MONTHS is admission of guilt. NOR."
"Now, come to me with a conversation about it without hiding it, and we can be adults and discuss it without an issue."
"But I also have a very open relationship with my fiancé, everyone is different. I'd still have an issue if it was months of hiding it." - green_chapstick
"It. He gave it a name. It remembered things. Things he told it. It's a large language statistical algorithm."
"I'm not saying this to diminish your concerns. It sounds like your fiancé has AI psychosis. Google it if you haven't already. It's a very real and increasingly prevalent mental health concern."
"You did the right thing by calling off the wedding. His mom is out of line for going to your work and out of touch for not understanding the severity of the matter."
"I'm emphasizing using 'it' to remind you that you are not to compare yourself and your capabilities as a human partner to a chatbot. You deserve someone who gives as much attention and effort into a relationship as you do."
"I'm really sorry you're going through this. I hope you have other sources of support (i.e. actual humans who can hug you)." - just_add_cholula
Others also confirmed for the OP that their former future mother-in-law was acting very inappropriately.
"His mum showing up at your work is wild. That's not defending her son. That's telling you exactly what dynamic you were walking into for the rest of your life."
"The app is almost beside the point now." - fairlygodlymelodrama
"I will say, that app addiction has saved you from a MIL from h**l."
"Can you imagine her nonsense when you try to make sure your future kids are eating healthy, and she sneaks them junk food?"
"She's always going to side with her son and bother you when there's a major argument, and try to force you to take his side.NOR." - Jenderflux-SciFi
"NOR. Your FMIL is failing to understand that her son, your fiancé, is and has been having an emotional affair with an AI bot."
"There's no 'game' about it. Plain and simple, he's having an emotional affair. She may not be real, but he sure as h**l is, which absolutely counts." - SparkleCat650
"NOR."
"That being said, if his mother thinks this AI chatbot is a video game, he might be lying to her. How she's behaving still isn't okay, and he's gross and untrustworthy." - smartypantstemple
"This is what I'm thinking. If OP wants to, she should reframe it for her ex-boyfriend's mom."
"'He's having an affair. He was being sexually and emotionally intimate with someone online.'"
"Because 100%, if he'd look to establish this kind of intimacy with a chatbot (and PAY to do it), he'd do it for free if some other woman started flirting with him online." - MuchTooBusy
"NOR. Ask his mum if her son has introduced the AI girlfriend to the family yet." - RelativeHeron5087
"Tell her to go harass him about why he needed a digital robot companion when he had a real-life woman ready to marry him. This problem is with him, not with you. NOR." - radicalintrospect
Some urged the OP to move forward without another worry about their past relationship.
"Run, baby, RUN!!! That is cheating, at least emotional cheating. Bye, Felicia!" - MrsPigworthy
"NOR. The 'it doesn't count because she's not real' is the real telling thing here."
"Even he understands that if he were doing whatever he was doing with the chatbot with a person, it would be cheating."
"That means it was quite intimate, at least emotionally. I would not want to stay with someone who is seeking that kind of connection elsewhere." - Standard_Vero
"They're probably just arguing with the OP because of grandkids. They require a surrogate for the children her ex and his AI girlfriend will raise together."
"They'll figure out later how to get her to sign over her rights, or she will go 'missing.' Chatbot girlfriend will step up. The kids will call her Mommy."
"Now, OP is derailing the whole plan, and now he has to start over from scratch. Ugh!"
"Honestly, good for her. Run, OP. Keep derailing that plan." - MissionMasterpiece74
"I would think the fact that he will invest more quality time, energy, relationship building, and emotional attachment with something that is not real, rather than with his actual fiancée, makes it worse? Real or not, you are NOR, and you deserve more." - EverlastingPeacefull
"NOR."
"Also, that chatbot let you dodge a bullet - his mum sounds like a nightmare. This is between you and your ex; she needs to take several seats."
"Just block her and let your work security know that she's harassing you so they can remove her. If she keeps up with this, consider a restraining order." - Myshys
"If a breakup ruined someone's life, they weren't pulling their weight anyway."
"Every adult should be able to financially support themselves, emotionally regulate, and have their s**t together outside or inside a relationship."
"A relationship breakup should not devastate their existence unless, say, they were married for 20-plus years, have kids, have built their entire foundation around a marriage, etc."
"You guys didn't even make it down the aisle. And you aren't obligated to marry anyone to make their life easier." - ManagementFinal3345
"NOR, you dodged a bullet, OP. His mommy came to defend her bubba? How icky!"
"He had an emotional affair. It doesn't matter if it's a chatbot; that robot knew more about your man than you did. And he lied by omission by not telling you. It's really gross."
"Also, his mother clearly doesn't know what he was actually up to. Maybe you should fill her in on what he was saying to the robot? Do you have any receipts? Send them along to her, let her see for herself what her precious little angel has been up to." - ArtichokeAble6397
"Don't go back. All you can do now is move forward. Experience life without telling him, and live happily without him knowing. He can make something up to his AI girlfriend." - imlowkeyboredrn
The subReddit was appalled by what the OP discovered and the emotional affair that they'd likely walked into.
If the ex had been willing to delete all the history, cancel the subscription, take accountability, and get substantial therapy to repair their trust and his probable unhealthy connection with the chatbot, maybe that would have given the OP something to work with.
But since he dismissed all of their concerns, and his mother was even tracking them down at work to scold them, they were clearly better off moving on and getting a fresh, authentic start.
