We've all known someone who never seemed to have enough money or who asked for a little bit of cash here and there, and since the amounts were typically always small, we usually shrugged and covered them.
But it's wild to think of how those transactions add up, especially when we're dating that person, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Open-Hovercraft8983 repeatedly covered small transactions for their boyfriend, and while their boyfriend always said when he'd pay them back, he never followed through.
After they argued about the imbalance, the Original Poster (OP) started to keep a spreadsheet of their transactions, and their boyfriend was furious when they found out they had something to hold him accountable.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by keeping a list of every time my boyfriend borrowed money from me and said he would pay me back?"
The OP's boyfriend had a bad habit of not paying back the money he borrowed.
"My boyfriend always asks me to cover small things and says he’ll send the money later."
"It’s usually $10 here or $30 there, but he almost never remembers unless I bring it up."
The OP started keeping track of what was not repaid.
"After having the same argument twice, I started keeping a note on my laptop with the date, amount, and what it was for."
"He saw it yesterday while we were ordering food and got really upset."
"I’d been playing 'Big Roller' on my laptop while we were deciding what to get, and then I opened the note to add what he owed me for dinner."
"The total on the list was $436."
The OP's boyfriend was more upset about the spreadsheet than owing his partner almost $500.
"He sent it all immediately but said the list was creepy and made him feel like I had been collecting evidence against him."
"Maybe I should have told him I was tracking it, but I also feel like I wouldn’t need a list if he paid me back when he said he would."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some clocked the boyfriend's deflection of being terrible at returning money.
"I love that it’s posed as creepy that you have a 'list of evidence' against him, not the fact that the only reason there’s a list in the first place is because he has a convenient memory to forget paying. Great deflection." - bloveulongtime
"Calling the receipt creepy instead of addressing why $436 quietly piled up is such a classic move. He paid instantly the second it was in writing too, so clearly the memory issue wasn't actually a memory issue." - blushrippling
"It's not creepy, and he doesn't think it is, either; he just felt guilty and lashed out." - hilarysaurus
"Deflection. He should be keeping track, so not only does she have to give interest-free loans, but also has to keep tabs on everything because he lies? Psycho, lose him..." - Ok-Flight9440
"Mooch got busted. They don't like that."
"They always get so offended when you bring out actual receipts. Like, sorry, I didn't just let you drain my bank account in peace, bro." - Spiritual_Dee
"I was owed nearly $2,000 by my ex, most accrued by me paying the upfront cost (and building for him) his gaming pc. I felt like I had to stay in a miserable relationship way longer than I wanted because of it. Eventually, he was left some money as inheritance when his gran passed."
"He started telling me about all these things he wanted to buy with it. I had enough, pulled up the note on my phone, and said, 'Maybe you could pay me back the money you have owed me for the past three years first?'"
"He got so stroppy about it. Like I had ruined his life for daring to actually want my savings back. He was referred to as a mooch between my friends and me, and thankfully I eventually managed to get him off my tenancy and kick him out. He went to mooch of someone else pretty quick." - Buxom__Babe
"You're being financially responsible; he's overreacting. Maybe he's butthurt at seeing how careless he is, or over the fact that he just got busted treating you like an ATM. NOR." - interestedinsharks
"$436 forgotten over time says a lot more about how much he values her time and trust than the actual dollar amount. Reasonable thing to sit with." - BigYam6156
"NOR. You shouldn’t have needed to keep a list. Hopefully he’ll be more attentive going forward." - Apock-
"NOR. Awww, poor little moocher thought his mooching was going unnoticed. Assuming your joint expenses, like ordering food, are generally shared, he's just mad he got busted." - loricomments
"If his intention was to always pay you back, the note wouldn’t have bothered him. In fact, he may have even been grateful for the reminder. You busted him. His reaction reveals his true intentions." - Narrow-Helicopter-43
Others encouraged the OP to rethink the relationship, imagining how this could escalate.
"NOR, but I'd rethink a relationship like this. It's not about the money; it's about him purposefully using you and stealing from you." - plantverdant
"NOR, but do you really want to date someone so financially irresponsible?" - illsleep
"NOR. I meeeeeaaaan... it is hard to argue a communication issue when he has said he would pay her back over $400 worth of times and just didn't."
"A few times is an honest mistake. What he is doing is deliberate and therefore, taking advantage. That is definitely breakup-worthy. Then he has the audacity to get defensive and call her creepy?? Get out of here." - SaveItUp1998
"Naw. This guy is a child, and he’s not trustworthy. He’s just going to be another guy making us look bad, and OP will marry him and be posting mental load bulls**t."
"Just dump him and date adults." - DietAny5009
"If OP had to start a list, it was clearly a problem. Anytime someone in a relationship has to start keeping track of things, it’s a problem. Probably because they argue, and she says, 'You never pay me back for xyz,' and then he goes, 'Yes, I did, I paid you back for x, I just gotta give you y and z.'"
"Or it’s 'I only forgot to pay you back once or twice.' Now OP will whip out the list and be like, 'Actually…'"
"I used to give my ex money towards his house (not my house, he was a boyfriend, and I paid for everything else like groceries, household stuff, also cooked and cleaned) bc he’d whine about money; then EVERY fight he’d bring it up and say I’d never give him money. Guess what… I started keeping a list of what day I gave money and how much. PS, it was never enough." - Fast-Presence5817
"NOR. You wouldn’t need a list if you stopped lending him money. You also wouldn’t need to list if you left him." - Life_Scratch_2807
"Does he ever pay for anything, or is it always you?"
"I had a friend who would keep track of favors owed and favors given. He was an absolute sociopath, so my feelings on stuff like this are pretty biased, but I think anytime anyone is doing this, it's a red flag."
"If you don't like paying for things for your boyfriend, tell him so, or ask him to pay you back sooner. He's absolutely right that it does seem like you were collecting evidence against him... I mean, that's exactly what you were doing, right?"
"I wouldn't expect your relationship to last much longer." - extralife_mike
"My husband is attached to my credit card, and every couple months he would say, 'Oh man, I need to pay you back!' (I wouldn't tell him he needed to; it was just an integrity thing.)"
"We would go through every transaction, including money that I owed him as well, and he'd be upset over how much he owed me every time. It clicked that we sometimes spend money a bit too carelessly, LOL."
"Obligatory NOR. You shouldn't keep a tally; you're a team. But if he doesn't keep his word and is frequently spending your money without reciprocation, he sucks." - GhostInTheEcho
"NOR. Sometimes I can understand if it's an embarrassment thing, say they don't want to admit they're financially struggling (though at some point soon they should communicate that).""
"The fact that he was able to pay it all immediately just shows that he was a leech, and it's pretty ironic he called it creepy yet can't reflect on his own actions. Yikes." - ParticularSilver9535
"You're literally at a point where you have to keep a list."
"You have some soul-searching to do regarding your next step(s). NOR." - Woe_Bringer
"Don’t ever have kids, get divorced, and expect child support from him." - filmguy36
The subReddit side-eyed the OP's boyfriend for using this discovery as a way to make the OP the problem, rather than seeing his repeated borrowing of money without paying it back as the actual problem. Because until they argued about the money, the OP didn't have a spreadsheet; if he'd just paid them back when he said he would, there never would have been a spreadsheet.
