You shouldn’t ever yuck someone’s yum.
If they love something and it doesn’t harm them, then it shouldn’t be a big deal, right?
Even if two people do not share the same passion, they should be able to respect each other’s interests, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Ok-Repeat7885 loved LEGO his entire life and loved it even more when he was able to share the hobby with his son.
But his mother-in-law was so opposed to the “childish” project that the Original Poster (OP) was shocked by what she did to make him “man up.”
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for not letting my mother-in-law come over after she destroyed my Millennium Falcon LEGO set?”
The OP enjoyed building LEGO with his son.
“I (38 Male) live with my wife (37 Female) and my seven-year-old son. I work as an engineer, and my wife is a senior supervisor at a law firm.”
“I have always loved LEGO since I was a kid, and sure, it’s kind of childish, but it makes me happy, so I’ve kept it as a consistent hobby throughout my adult life.”
“In 2024, I spent months building the Millennium Falcon with my son. It’s my and my son’s pride and joy, and I often show guests who come over. My wife doesn’t really get the hype but doesn’t mind either.”
The OP’s mother-in-law did not appreciate their passion, though.
“In early March, my wife’s parents came over for a week to spend time with us. As I usually do with guests, I asked them if they would like to see my Lego collection.”
“They agreed, and I showed both her father and mother my Millennium Falcon. Her father was amazed at the time it took to build my sizable collection, but her mother said that it was a waste of time and that I should focus on being a real man and move up the corporate ladder.”
“I laughed it off because she’s pretty old, and I figured she just held very old-fashioned beliefs.”
“We left the room, and nobody really mentioned it for a few hours, but at dinner, her mother said out of nowhere that I should give up on all this LEGO ‘nonsense’ and be a real man. We ignored this and moved on, but you could see in her expression that she was not happy.”
But then the OP’s mother-in-law took her critiques too far.
“Nobody said anything about it for the rest of their stay, and all seemed well the morning they left. They left at 3:00 AM to catch a flight, and we waved them off.”
“I went back to bed, but the next morning awoke to find my Millennium Falcon smashed to pieces with a note from my wife’s mother calmly saying that this was for my own good so that I could be a real man and focus on what matters. It turns out she had quietly destroyed it in the night and left in the morning.”
“Me and especially my son were very upset. I called her in the morning, but she refused to apologize. I said that until she apologized, they would not be coming back again.”
“My wife is not happy with my decision on this matter, and honestly, I’m starting to wonder if I overreacted. Did I go overboard, or am I in the right?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that destroying someone else’s property was always inappropriate.
“Respecting someone else’s property is common decency. You and your son invested time and interest in a hobby that brings you joy. That is just as (if not more) important as increasing your earning potential. When your son is an adult, he will retain memories of the time you spent together.” – Klutzy-Contest-1640
“Imagine trying to explain her awful behavior to your son.”
“Maybe asking him how he feels and what he thinks about it, and what he thinks might be a good solution. A great chance for a life lesson on difficult problem-solving. ‘We want to see Grandma, and we also don’t want her breaking our stuff.'”
“I guess it must also be hard for him to understand why she did it, so maybe taking some time to try and help him there.”
“NTA.” – C_Gxx
“OP’s engineering career may have come into being BECAUSE of his love for building with Legos from childhood. He is NOT less of a man because of this fun and educational hobby that he shares with his son. The areas of structure, architecture, design, construction, engineering, etc., are offshoots of working with things like Legos and other instructional ‘toys.'”
“OP’s mother-in-law is a mean and spiteful person. Stay FAR away from her, OP! Don’t let her stay with you. Keep her away from your son, too. Talk to your father-in-law and see what he thinks, and why she is this way. Does she think you don’t provide for your family? What harm is it to spend enjoyable bonding time with your son?” – Specialist-Jello7544
“The best way for OP to handle this is to remove himself from the narrative.”
“I’d say, ‘MIL, I wasn’t the only one who worked on that. These are projects my son and I do TOGETHER to bond. He worked on that for months, and you destroyed it. Regardless of your feelings about me or my involvement in my son’s hobby, your behavior towards my son was reprehensible and a serious shift in your attitudes is required before we will let you around him again.'” – chellifornia
“She ruined something you and your son did together! Regardless of her feelings about you; she actively did something that hurt her grandchild. That right there is grounds to not allow her in your home or have a relationship with your child.”
“Your wife needs to think of how disrespected you were as an entire family unit. If she doesn’t back you up with this, then you have some serious issues. Good luck, dude.”
“NTA.” – historychick99
Others theorized that the OP had an even bigger wife problem than a mother-in-law problem.
“The wife let her mother tell him he wasn’t a real man at dinner, likely in front of their child, and said nothing. I would be rethinking my relationship if I were OP.” – Dumblyhopeful
“I’m seriously side-eyeing OP’s wife.”
“Here are Grandma’s gross aspects, ranked from annoying to fully repugnant:”
“1 . Climb that corporate ladder equals post 2020, we’re all aware of how little companies actually care about a person, people, and the planet.”
“2 . Be a real man just means her gender roles are upsettingly antiquated.”
“3 . I’ll destroy your property because I don’t like it says how entitled can she be.”
“4 . Money matters more than a present father is disgusting.”
“And OP’s wife doesn’t see the issue with her mother?” – Stormtomcat
“Seriously. OP doesn’t just have a MIL problem. He has a wife problem. She should have had his back from the first time her mother called him ‘not a real man.’ Shame on his wife.” – JanetInSpain
“I’m disappointed in your wife. What her mom did was beyond rude, and she should have been the first to go off on her. Your MIL overstepped big time. Your wife understepped big time.” – Huge-Shelter-3401
“It’s abuse, plain and simple. You don’t deliberately break someone’s personal belongings because you think they shouldn’t have that as a hobby. She’s a controlling abuser. This is what abusers do!”
“And your wife is enabling that abuse because she doesn’t want to rock the boat. You have a huge problem on your hands, OP, I’m sorry.” – Top-Fox9979
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update in a second post.
“First off, I want to thank everyone for the outpouring of support. It’s been wonderful seeing everyone’s advice has helped me realize a few things. I had a good, long talk with my wife in an attempt to resolve this situation, and we’ve again called the mother-in-law, which I hoped would diffuse the situation and bring things back down to earth. Instead, tensions have seemed only to have escalated.”
“For anyone who didn’t see the original post, my wife’s parents came to visit for a week, in which things went relatively smoothly aside from some disparaging comments about my Lego collection from the mother in law but after they left in the night we discovered the Millennium Falcon destroyed with a note from my mother in law saying she did this so that I can move on and be a ‘real man.'”
“Firstly, after lunch, my wife and I discussed the situation, adult to adult. I expressed my feelings of her not being behind me in this. She admitted to having harbored feelings against my LEGO collection.”
“She also admitted to secretly agreeing partially with my mother. She doesn’t think that my mother-in-law should have gone as far as she did, but according to my wife, I need to move on. I feel hurt by this since it’s been my lifelong hobby, and being an engineer, I take great joy in building various creations with LEGO.”
“After that, my wife and I were certainly not in agreement, but we were at least on the same page. We also both wanted to resolve things with my mother-in-law, and so that day, we called her mother, and things did not go well, to say the least.”
“I simply told her that I was sorry I couldn’t let her come back, and I hope things can be resolved quickly. Still feeling upset about the LEGO Millennium Falcon, I said that all I asked of her was an apology.”
“She refused, saying that if she bends for me at all, I would never get over my LEGO ‘obsession.’ My wife is not happy with any of this, and frankly, the marriage is starting to show tensions, which worries me greatly.”
“She seems to be more distant after all of this. My son has developed a strong dislike of my mother-in-law, and I really can’t blame him.”
The subReddit was disgusted by how the OP was treated, not just by his mother-in-law by also by his wife.
Simply by excusing her mother’s behavior and expecting him to let it go and move on, she had declared where her deeper loyalties were, and they were not with the OP and their son’s interest.