All couples planning a wedding must eventually decide who makes the guest list, and who doesn’t.
Generally speaking, family is always a priority.
Though every member of a bride or groom’s family isn’t guaranteed a place.
Sometimes owing to space limitations, and sometimes owing to the bride and groom’s own choosing.
Redditor No-Entry4129 was a bit surprised to learn that her wife didn’t get an invitation to her sister’s wedding.
Particularly when the original poster (OP) took a closer look at the guest list and saw who did make the cut.
Feeling slighted and disrespected, the OP told her sister that she wouldn’t be attending her wedding.
A decision her that sister, as well as the rest of her family, did not take well.
Wondering if she was being too dramatic, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s wedding—or give a gift—after she invited my ex but excluded my wife?”
The OP explained why she made the decision to skip her sister’s wedding:
“My (32 F[emale]) sister (28 F) is getting married in a few weeks.”
“She recently sent out the official invites, and while I was included, my wife (30 F) was not.”
“When I asked about it, my sister told me the decision was intentional.”
“She said she wants her wedding to be ‘as peaceful as possible’ and that she doesn’t feel comfortable having my wife there.”
“For context: my wife and sister have never gotten along particularly well.”
“There’s no major incident or explosive history—just mutual dislike and a few passive-aggressive exchanges over the years.”
“That said, my wife has always been respectful at family gatherings, and I’ve never seen her act out.”
“What makes this worse, though, is that my ex-girlfriend (whom I dated for four years before meeting my wife) is invited.”
“My sister remained friends with her after we broke up six years ago.”
“I didn’t love it, but I never made an issue of it.”
“Still, it’s incredibly hurtful to see that my sister would rather include someone from my past—someone I haven’t spoken to in years—over the person I’ve chosen to build a life with.”
“I told my sister that I wasn’t comfortable attending under these circumstances and that I wouldn’t be sending a wedding gift either.”
“I said if she doesn’t recognize my wife as part of the family, then she shouldn’t expect me to play along with the celebration as if everything is fine.”
“She accused me of being petty and trying to punish her for ‘setting boundaries’.”
“My parents have since called to say I’m overreacting and that I should ‘just go and keep the peace’.”
“To me, this feels like more than a disagreement—it feels like a fundamental lack of respect for my marriage.”
“But the family seems to think I’m making it about me.”
“AITA for refusing to attend the wedding and declining to give a gift because of how my wife has been treated?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for skipping her sister’s wedding:
Everyone agreed that if anyone needed to “keep the peace,” it was the OP’s sister, who seemed to be intentionally stirring up drama, being as or more surprised by the lack of support from the rest of the OP’s family:
“NTA.”
“Lemme guess: your ex is single?”- coral225
“‘My parents have since called to say I’m overreacting and that I should “just go and keep the peace”‘.”
“And your sister could have kept the peace by including your wife with the notion that it would be incredibly unlikely for your wife to cause problems at the wedding.”
“NTA.”
“This isn’t really about your ex being invited; if that’s her friend, it makes sense she would include her.”
“The deliberate snub to your wife, though, that’s the issue.”
“She is making an active choice to divide the family over what sounds like some superficial dislike for your wife.”
“Unless you’ve left something out where your wife caused some kind of crazy drama, your sister is being incredibly immature.”
“I wouldn’t attend either.”
“For what it’s worth, my BIL have conflicting personalities, and neither of us really like each other, but we include each other in everything, and we are nice to each other because it’s just not worth the energy and drama to do anything else.”- Stranger0nReddit
“Yeah, NTA.”
“You’re not causing a scene, you’re just refusing to go without your partner.”
“How would you feel if the wife was invited, but Ex is still invited?”- FacetiousTomato
“NTA at all.”
“‘My parents have since called to say I’m overreacting and that I should “just go and keep the peace”‘.”
“Why aren’t your parents insisting on your wife being included and that your sister keep the peace?”
“You are right.”
“Your sister is disrespecting your marriage.”
“She’s seriously going to stand up and make vows to her partner but not respect the vows you made to yours?”
“Don’t go.”
“Do something fun with your wife that day.”- Away-Understanding34
“NTA.”
“A wedding invitation is never a summons, and that is especially true here.”
“Your sister refusing to invite your wife is incredibly disrespectful to you, and you have every right to decline the invitation on that basis alone.”
“The fact that your ex is going makes it even more justified – your sister has every right to invite your ex because they are friends, but when your own wife is excluded, inviting the ex does seem like piling on.”
“This situation is not your fault.”
“It’s your sister’s.”
“You’re no a**hole for refusing a disrespectful invite.”- cascadia1979
“NTA.”
“Your sister and family?”
“TA.”
“First, you made vows/promises to your wife, not your sister or parents.”
“Once you and your wife walked out of the church or away from a Justice of the Peace, you become spouses who should have each other’s back.”
“Good onya for putting your spouse first.”
“Boundaries are funny things.”
“Your sister has set hers: Your wife isn’t invited, and your parents are onboard with it.”
“M’kay.”
“Odd how your own boundaries regarding your spouse are demeaned and minimized by those same people because it hurts your sisters feelings.”
“Shame on your parents for forcing you to exclude your life partner to keep the peace.”
“The guest list.”
“You sister has the right to invite whomever she wants.”
“However, I find it odd that with all of the people present (100 people is a lot), she thinks your wife’s mere presence will ruin her day.”
“Especially when, according to you, your wife while not getting along with your sister, hasn’t acted out at family gatherings.”
“Has your sister been this petty throughout your lives?”- cottonmercer666
“Man, RedditWorld is weird.”
I am amazed to see there are SO many people who will intentionally not invite someone’s spouse to a wedding.”
“Couples are a package deal.”
“You either invite both or neither. Intentionally excluding the spouse is a provocative act, designed to cause an incident — this is often a relationship-ender since the person shows absolutely no respect to the guest or their spouse.”
“It’s stating that they are not important to them.”
“And it’s super weird for a person to attend an event like a wedding without their spouse (unless the spouse was invited, but there was some circumstance that legitimately prevented the spouse from attending).”
“So, no, NTA.”
“You should not attend nor give a gift.”
“Your sister is ending this relationship with you.”
“Minimize contact with her because she is clearly toxic.”
“The inviting of your ex-girlfriend isn’t super relevant since your sister has retained an independent friendship with her.”
“That really shouldn’t have anything to do with you.”
“But if the ex gf and your sister are concocting some scheme to try to get you back together, then that is really a bright, shining red flag that you would need to stay away from and really would need to avoid contact with your toxic sister.”- chicagoliz
“NTA.”
“Guaranteed she would flip out if it was reversed and her new husband wasn’t invited somewhere instead.”
“Good for you for standing up for your wife and marriage.”- wannabyte
“NTA.”
“Respect your wife and own life.”
“Your sister needs an education on boundaries versus just being nasty and unkind.”
“Whatever you would have spent on a gift, take your wife for dinner somewhere nice.”- Shoddy-Teach3981
“NTA.”
“She has ever right to not invite your wife.”
“You have every right to feel like family should be family as long as no disrespect or major drama has occurred.”
“So you have a right to not attend.”
“She got out of line the minute she started demanding your presence and getting other family members involved.”
“They are all a**holes.”- Odd_Welcome7940
We don’t get to choose our in-laws, nor are we obligated to like them.
However, any decent person will at least try to put differences aside on special occasions.
As the OP’s sister seems to refuse to do that, it’s hard to argue with those who feel the OP should not condone or endorse such behavior.