We always want to help our family as best we can.
However, no matter how much we want to help, sometimes doing so simply isn't possible, owing to our schedules.
Most of the time, our families will understand this, as they know how valuable and complicated our own schedule is.
Unfortunately, not everyone is so understanding.
The sister-in-law (SIL) of Redditor WalkToSchool8967 needed a little help getting their daughter to school and turned to the original poster (OP) for help.
While the OP was sympathetic to her SIL's situation, she told her that she couldn't provide the necessary help.
An answer that the OP's SIL simply could not accept.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my SIL to walk her daughter to school?"
The OP explained why they were unable to help their sister-in-law out:
"I (23 F[emale]) am a university graduate and live at home with my mother."
"She owns the house with a mortgage that's been fully paid off. I pay her rent (around half of the market rate for our area) and do most of the housework."
"Me and my mother both work a lot, I work in healthcare and work irregular shift patterns and my mum is self-employed and occasionally has to travel for work."
"My brother (31 M[ale]), his wife "Rose" (31 F) and their daughter (6 F) moved back into our mum's house on Friday."
"They got a mortgage on a home but it turned out to have a lot of maintenance issues, the biggest ones being with their toilet and shower not functioning."
"Also their heating doesn't work."
"It's estimated to take at least a month to fix everything so in the meantime they're staying here."
"Rose came to me and asked if I could take their daughter to school, as her school is a 5 minute drive from the hospital."
"Normally their neighbour (who has a child the same age) would take her to school but that's no longer an option."
"My brother works full-time and his shifts clash with doing this (he starts at 7am) and he and Rose share a car, as she only works one shift a week on Sundays."
"I told Rose that I can't commit to taking my niece to school everyday."
"She needs to be dropped off at school for 8am, and sometimes I'm doing overnight shifts that don't finish until 9-10am or I'm doing shifts that start really early in the morning."
"Rose got a bit upset and asked why I can't just explain to my boss that I need to be available for school drop-off."
"She didn't wait for an answer and said she knows it's not that simple but she needs me to help her."
"In my job, if you start requesting restricted availability, they will give you way less shifts."
"I couldn't understand why Rose wouldn't walk her daughter to school, as it's a 15 minute walk from our mum's house to get there, with no hills and plenty of safe crossings."
"Rose and their daughter don't have any health conditions that would make this not doable."
"I asked Rose why she wouldn't walk her daughter to school and she said that is too far to walk with a young child."
"I showed her the distance on Google maps (I assumed she wasn't aware of how close it was) and she reiterated that it was too far."
"I said to Rose I think that's her best option but I cannot take her daughter to school everyday."
"Later that day my mum told me that Rose came to her really upset that I refused to help."
"My mum said she knows I normally work irregular shifts but that it'd be a really nice thing for me to do."
"I feel like I'm going crazy because when I was a kid I went to the same school and my mum walked me there and back from this house!"
"I said no and my mum said that's fine I understand."
"Now I've got my brother calling me selfish and he said it's a small ask that even their neighbor could do it and I'm refusing."
"Am I really such an a**hole?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to change her work schedule so she could walk her niece to school.
Everyone agreed that the OP was absolutely right in prioritizing her job, with many wondering why the OP's SIL or brother couldn't rearrange their schedules to take their daughter to work, seeing as they expected the OP to.
"NTA."
"If your brother is so adamant that shifting your work schedule is such a reasonable request, tell him to change his own."
"As her dad, he should be stepping up."
"If he can't change his work schedule to accommodate it, why would you be able to?"
"Who gets to leave early for school drop-offs?"
"Your SIL needs to stop being lazy."- giantbrownguy
"NTA."
"Not your child, her parents need to figure it out."
"The entitlement, wow."
"'Can you please change your schedule and possibly risk your job to take my daughter to school because I'm too lazy!'"
"Just yuck."
"Stand your ground, you're the only sensible person on this scenario."- No-Culture-3540
"NTA."
"By their own logic, the father of the children could shift his schedule to drop off his child."
"How's the kid getting home?"
"Walking?"- Neither-Dentist-7899
"NTA."
"Your brother can talk to his boss to change his own hours to sort out his own children."
"However, your SIL is completely able to walk 15 minutes with her child to get her to school."
"Even if the walk was longer, it would still be doable."
"When did people stop using their legs?"- Axiom713
"Your job is YOUR priority."
"Her child should be HER priority."
"That's all there is to it."
"You are absolutely NTA."
"P.S. You may need to explain to your mom about getting fewer shifts if you limit your availability...in financial terms."- wesmorgan1
"If I went to my work and said I needed to be available for school drop offs."
"They would tell me.... Why?"
"You don't have any children."
"NTA."- Gullible_Flow2693
"NTA."
"It's HER daughter, not yours."- Ohaibaipolar
"NTA."
"You have prior commitments (your job) which come above any commitment to your niece, who has two other adults to look after her."- Marzipan_civil
"Well, if she expects you to explain to your boss why you need to take your NIECE."
"Why can't your brother explain to his boss about taking his DAUGHTER?"
"What they are asking is totally unreasonable."
"Expect this next month to be really difficult with them there."
"NTA."- Lovealone88
"NTA."
"A 15-minute walk is easy."- SamBartlett1776
"NTA."
"A 6-year-old is perfectly able to walk 15 minutes (I was doing it when I was 4) and that's a perfectly good way to have some exercise."
"Your SIL is lazy, and your niece is not your responsibility!"- Myriamjean
"NTA."
"It's not your job."
"Also, I walk my 3-year-old 20 minutes to school and back home every weekday."- runnyc10
"A 15-minute walk is totally fine for a child of 6!"
"NTA."- carlosmurphynachos
"NTA."
"Your brother can adjust his shifts if it's such a simple thing to do."
"Or they can look into paying the neighbor gas money to go out of her way."- Ghahnima
"How's she planning on getting her child home?"
"Does she sprout wings in the afternoon?"
"If it's such a big deal, tell SIL to drive her husband to work because she needs the car."
"NTA."- 5footfilly
"NTA."
"Your niece and her schooling are not suddenly your responsibility because your brother bought a lemon house."
"If your sister-in-law says it's too far to walk, then she can get a bike, get a scooter, or call an Uber."
"Expecting you to change your work shifts when you are undoubtedly already shifting your life around to make room for their family in your home is a wild level of selfishness."- ThePurplestMeerkat
"NTA."
"They are 100% responsible for taking care of their child."
"They can rent a car for a month, but… it's not your problem to solve, and you have every right to decline being an option."- Better-Radish-5757
"If your mum thinks you should be inconvenienced, maybe she should drive the kid to school?"
"Oh, wait, that would be an inconvenience for her."
"NTA."- Sea_Roof3637
The OP's SIL appears to be one of those people who truly hate to be inconvenienced.
Although, in her eyes, being inconvenienced means being asked to spend a little extra time with her daughter by walking her to school, whereas the OP would need to put her job security at risk to do so.
It's clear the OP's SIL needs to sort out her priorities.
And it's pretty sad that one of those priorities is her own daughter.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.