Growing up with neglectful parents can be a harrowing experience.
Those scars tend to never heal fully.
There is a shattered trust there that can’t seem to mend.
When parents are confronted about their actions, the situation almost always becomes chaotic.
Redditor lain_vikito wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITAH for telling my parents that they neglected me because of my brother’s illness?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I’m a 16-year-old girl and I have an older brother who is 20 and he moved out about 2 months ago.”
“My brother has misophonia.”
“I don’t know everything about the illness and I don’t wanna say anything wrong, but it’s basically being triggered by certain sounds.”
“He was diagnosed at 7 when I was 4 and he has a very strong version of the illness I think.”
“Me and my brother used to get along ok, but it got worse after that.”
“Funnily enough all of his triggers were connected to me.”
“My laughing, my walking, my eating, everything seemed to trigger him.”
“I remember my father yelling at me when I was like 6 because I laughed while my brother was also in the car.”
“I wasn’t allowed to eat dinner with them, my parents would eat with him and when he was finished he could leave and then I could get my food.”
“I didn’t even really understand what was going on, because I was a little kid.”
“I was often alone because I couldn’t go anywhere with them and would trigger him and when we did something together it didn’t feel the same, because even alone, I was always scared to do something wrong and get yelled at.”
“Even in school I would barely talk or laugh.”
“I was never very close with my family and spent most time alone in my room or with friends outside.”
“Since my brother moved out my parents are trying to get me to connect with them more.”
“This morning my mom asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with her and I was already in a bad mood because I was stressed due to exams.”
“So I sorta just snapped and told her I didn’t want to and to stop trying to fix things with me, because it was ruined and that she couldn’t fix the neglect they put me through simply by watching a movie with me.”
“She then yelled back at me and told me to stop being jealous of my brother that they were doing the best they could and that they didn’t wanna neglect me and just tried to take care of my brother.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“I just left after that and both my parents have been ignoring me all day and now I feel kinda bad, I still really love them ATAH?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA and I suspect your brother was the jealous one, not you.”
“Too convenient that ALL his triggers came from the sibling with whom he was competing for parental attention.”
“And they didn’t do their best- they gave in to him and neglected you because it was easiest.”
“Honestly, I don’t think there’s much of a chance they’ll actually recognize how badly they hurt you unless they get therapy and really listen and do the work.”
“If they won’t do that, just grey rock them and get out ASAP, and when they wonder why they aren’t invited to your wedding and haven’t met their grandkids, tell them it’s their own fault for letting your brother push you out of the family without ever standing up for you.” ~ Katja1236
“NTA. Why didn’t your brother have his meal in his room so you (his little sister) could have some time with your parents?”
“What awful behavior by your parents.” ~ Lucky-Effective-1564
“NTA and your parents handled this weirdly.”
“Why not noise canceling headphones at dinner, why not therapy?” ~ Street-Length9871
OP responded…
“He was in therapy for a few years, but it didn’t help and he did wear headphones around the house, but even seeing me do those things seemed to trigger him.”
“I used to love whistling a lot and it triggered him.”
“Once I wanted to test something and while he was in the garden I watched him through a window and basically made a whistling movement to pretend I was doing it to see how he would react and he stormed inside and told me to stop whistling.”
Reddit continued…
“I have misophonia.”
“I realize this is a ‘me’ problem.”
“When it gets too much, I leave the room or have music playing while we eat.”
“It’s a much better solution than killing my friends with a butter knife for chewing too loud.”
“NTA and your parents failed you.”
“They also failed to help your brother cope apparently.”
“Let’s see how accommodating the real world will be.” ~ hopelesscaribou
“NTA. If your parents were as concerned with you as they were with your brother, they would have split up and given both of you the same attention.”
“They could have easily made the choice to have one of them eat with your brother and afterward have the other one eat with you.”
“The same goes for outings and activities around the house.”
“There’s no reason you should have been the one that was always left out.” ~ Crispydragonrider
“NTA. They did indeed neglect if not abuse you.”
“And misophonia is triggered by certain sounds, not a specific person.”
“He lied to get his way and your parents just allowed it.”
“I would put my head down until I was 18 then I would disappear from their life.” ~ gloryhokinetic
“NTA. They made a choice to neglect you.”
“Don’t fool yourself here. They are adults.”
“They could have made decisions to manage your brother’s issues in such a way that you would still be included in things.”
“They chose to prioritize your brother.” ~ REDDIT
“Your parents are AH, so if your bro could move out without any sort of triggers and seems to be ok, it was just your parents allowing him to blame you for his obvious insecurity for having someone outdone him.”
“I think you should talk to a mental health professional and the social worker about neglect, abuse, alienation, and a lot more of terrible psychological torture. NTA.” ~ Ok-Listen-8519
“NTA. They were neglectful and downright abusive.”
“Your brother is manipulative and cruel.”
“All three ruined your childhood.”
“You know what they did, even if they are trying to deny it.”
“Remind them: Oh, I’m allowed to eat with the family, not all by myself, after ten years.”
“Oh, I can go in the car with you instead of being left alone?”
“Oh, I’m allowed to talk?”
“What about laugh?”
“If they keep trying to blame you instead of apologizing, go to your school counselor and ask her to make them bring you to family counseling.”
“Stick up for yourself.”
“They were terrible.” ~ Spare_Ad5009
“NTA. Honey, your parents were so unfair to you.”
“I have misophonia (to a lesser degree to your brother, probably), but it’s still not a reason to be rude and neglectful.”
“It sounds more like he was bullying you rather than dealing with his own issues, and for some reason, your parents refused to find a middle ground.”
“I don’t know how your parents could possibly make this up to you, but I hope you’re able to laugh aloud and whistle and whatnot freely now without getting yelled at.” ~ ChordStrike
“This is not jealousy.”
“You were told to repress yourself for 75% of your life so your brother could be comfortable.”
“They should have made him move out after he graduated. Instead, they sacrificed you for 2 more years than needed.”
“They might have been ‘trying their best’ but you still suffered.”
“You acknowledging that is not a character flaw.”
“They sacrificed your childhood, and the fact that they’re punishing you for not sweeping it under the rug shows exactly who they are- terrible people.”
“NTA. My middle child has misphonia, and he has coping tools and a private bedroom for when nothing works.” ~ Floating-Cynic
“NTA. If yelling at a six-year-old is the best they could do, they shouldn’t have had kids.”
“It wasn’t just neglect.”
“There was abuse too.”
“You love them but you don’t have to like them.”
“Their silent treatment is a blessing in disguise.” ~ Leather_Persimmon489
OP came back with an update…
“Many people suggested I show this post and the comments to my parents, and I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do, considering the whole situation in general, but I did do it a few hours ago, and it didn’t go too well.”
“They went on a rant about how people on the internet don’t know anything about me and our family.”
“Which is true obviously, but still I don’t know what that adds to the situation considering they know everything I wrote in my post is true.”
“And that I should stop believing what people tell me on the internet because all they want is drama, and they don’t care about me.”
“It’s just getting worse now. My parents have been and are still yelling at each other in the living room right now, and I’m just sitting here.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if they take my phone away, but oh well, who cares at this point?”
“I’m thinking about maybe going to my teacher and telling her because I don’t really know what to do right now.”
Reddit is with you, OP.
This is a heartbreaking situation.
You don’t deserve any of this vitriol.
Your parents failed you.
That’s not your fault.
Talking to a teacher sounds like a good idea.
And maybe getting your parents into family counseling could help.
Good Luck.