As much as a couple might want to plan, plan, plan for the arrival of their baby, from cleaning the house to decorating the nursery to reading all the parenting books, there’s one thing they cannot prepare for.
The baby is going to come when it’s ready to come, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor kaipetica knew that she would have to have a Caesarean section for her baby because of their positioning.
But when her husband wanted her to plan the surgery around his work schedule so he wouldn’t have to take time off work, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my husband I’m not scheduling my c-section around what’s convenient for his work?”
The OP was preparing to schedule a C-section for her baby.
“I (28 Female) am currently 37 weeks pregnant. I had an ultrasound today and found that the baby is breech, so I will be needing a C-section.”
“My doctor told me he usually does his scheduled c-sections on Tuesday or Friday, which would make the first eligible day that I’m able to schedule Friday, June 20th.”
“My husband (30 Male) said he would rather I wait until Tuesday, June 24th, because it would be easier for his work schedule. He works three 12-hour shifts Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.”
He is going to need to take at least one weekend off, regardless of whether we do it on the 20th or the 24th. We have a three-year-old, as well, so expecting me to stay home and take care of a newborn and a three-year-old by myself when I had a C-section just four days earlier… It’s not gonna happen and he knows that.”
The pair could not agree on a date for the C-section.
“I told him I would rather do it ASAP on the 20th, and here’s why. I have severe gestational diabetes that I have been battling for four months with mixed success, which makes me a high-risk pregnancy.”
“That and if you’ve ever been nine months pregnant, you know it is quite miserable. I’m ready for this to be over with.”
“When he said he’d rather me do it on Tuesday because it’s more convenient for his work schedule, I was like, ‘Excuse me. What?’ He then proceeded to explain that HR at his work is only in the office one day a week, and it’s not on days when he works.”
“I said, ‘You can’t leave them a voicemail or send them an email?’ Nope. I told him he needs to get something figured out because we’re kind of getting down to the wire.”
“Then he starts arguing back about not being able to take the time off, to which I told him that if his job fires him for taking time off to be with his wife who is having a c-section, that’s not a place worth working for, and he should find another job that won’t treat him like that.”
“I also told him he needs to stop making excuses for everything and take some responsibility and just do it because that’s a huge problem he has. He can give a million excuses why he can’t do something, and when it comes to something as important as this, it’s incredibly frustrating to hear excuses.”
The OP’s husband still didn’t do anything to prepare for the surgery.
“He hasn’t talked to me since the argument, and as soon as we got home, he shut himself in the bedroom.”
“I feel like the easy solution to the problem is to go into the office on the day HR is there and get it all squared away, rather than just banking on the timing of this baby being convenient for him.”
“I mean, we’re scheduling a c-section, but there’s nothing to say that I won’t go into labor on my own before then. What is he gonna do if I go into labor this Saturday while he’s at work?”
“So AITAH because I feel like this is one decision that should be at my discretion and what’s convenient for me, you know, since I’m the one that’s gonna get cut open?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were suspicious about the OP’s husband’s planning skills.
“I’m in HR for a large construction company. Almost every single one of my parental leave/FMLA conversations is done via email. The idea that he can’t talk to HR because they aren’t in on the days he works is such a weak excuse.”
“Call. Email. Go in on your day off. Whatever. He needs to get the time off requested. And honestly, he should be trying to take more than just a week off (if finances permit).” – True_Pickle3024
“He doesn’t WANT to get in touch with HR. Otherwise, there are 16 hours in a day when he is not working and four days a week he isn’t working. Aren’t you concerned about the fact that he doesn’t want to be a husband or father?” – facinationstreet
“It’s absolutely mad to me that she’s 37 weeks pregnant and he’s acting like it’s a surprise that he needs to make arrangements for when the baby comes. 37 weeks is considered full term; this baby could come any day now.”
“They only found out today the baby is breech, so what was the original plan if OP was to go into labour naturally? And what did they do last time they had a baby?? He’s not even a first-time dad!” – Super_Ground9690
“It takes 20 seconds to send an email. And he doesn’t work four out of the five business days of the week, where he could also call. Your husband is acting like a piece of s**t.” – insomniacwineo
“What happens if her water breaks on a day that’s inconvenient? Or she hits a crisis earlier than the booked date? Just because you have a date set for a c-section does not mean that is the date it is happening. Babies come when babies come.”
“But no, it’s fine, he can just text the hospital and tell them to send her home. This isn’t a good time, put the baby back.”
“I can’t get over the fact that he’s whining about things not being convenient for him when she’s having major surgery and a whole baby. This dude is 100% a selfish child.”
“I wonder if something is wrong at work that he doesn’t want to talk to anyone? Maybe they’re planning on firing him and he knows it, so he’s worried about being more of a burden.” – SuperPomegranate7933
Others encouraged the OP to make other care arrangements than her husband.
“He is going to need to take at least one weekend off, regardless. Girl, he is literally telling you that he has zero intention of doing that, so I hope, sincerely hope, that you have a back-up for someone to watch the three-year-old and someone to take you to the hospital. Your ‘husband’ gives no f**ks about you.” – Sylentskye
“This baby could decide to come all on its own, regardless of any scheduled surgery.”
“Oh, and I have had abdominal surgeries twice (not pregnancy related, they were actually Much Smaller incisions), and OP CANNOT watch a toddler and baby for at least a month.”
“Many companies offer paternity leave, and OP should be double-checking if it’s an option, since her husband seems more than happy to bury his head in the sand and refuse communication rather than have those talks.” – 2dogs4life
“It’s sounding like you’re already a single mother. Do you have any family you can move in with to help look after you and your toddler?” – Writerhowell
“How does any of that address the fact that you have no reliable childcare for your toddler during and immediately after surgery? You’re deflecting.”
“Whether or not he wants to do administrative tasks after you give birth has literally no bearing on the emergency that is about to take place. I’m not trying to stress you out, but please don’t disregard this as some kind of marital spat. You urgently need more support than he is willing to give, and nothing should distract you from finding it.” – Elesia
“Sorry, but what happens if the baby has a mind of its own and you go into labor while he’s at work and he needs to leave? What if he can’t? Babies come when they come, and he needs to focus on that.”
“Also, please insist he takes longer than a weekend off; when you have a c-section, you cannot lift anything heavier than the baby for like four to six weeks. I know they make it sound like nothing much but it’s MAJOR surgery. Some of our inside organs will be on the OUTSIDE for a bit.”
“My doctor inspected my uterus under the light or some such s**t, and my husband almost fainted. They cut through layers of muscle to get to the baby, it’s not a little thing, and its recovery times should not be ignored. The guidance on picking up heavy things of all sorts really, really needs to be listened to. Busting a stitch can ruin you.”
“Reality is, I had a c-section and my husband had only four weeks off, and it wasn’t long enough, and I didn’t have a toddler to run after. Please demand better!” – hebejebez
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update in a second post.
“In the original, there was a debate as to whether I should schedule my c-section for June 20th or June 24th. Well, baby decided to come on her own on June 8th, which was neither scheduled nor convenient for my husband’s work.”
“June 8th was a Sunday, so my husband was at work. By luck, I took the car that day (we only have the one). Around 2:00 PM, I called my husband and told him we needed to go to the hospital, so I drove to his work to pick him up, then he drove me to the hospital, and about three hours later, we had a baby (still had to be a c-section because she was breech).”
“Because I read pretty much all of the comments, my husband has been here and has been very supportive. He’s helped with all the usual baby stuff. He’s been more than happy to run out and get me anything I’ve needed.”
“As for what he’s doing with his work… well, I still have no idea.”
“My grandma has said I can come stay with her for a few days while I’m recovering. Before the baby was born, I told my mom that we should have me spend the weekend at my grandma’s or have someone come stay with me during the day when he’s at work.”
“I did have a much calmer discussion with my husband about this, and I’ve just decided to let him do whatever he wants regarding taking time off from work. This is not worth stressing over. I’ve got plenty on my plate as it is.”
The subReddit was alarmed by how the OP’s husband was behaving and hoped that she’d have other support around her while her husband remained unreliable.
At least according to the update, the OP at least has her mother and grandmother to depend on, though it’s unclear how much they’ll be able to help and what the OP’s husband will even do to try to be there for her and their baby.