Costco memberships can be a lifeline for many.
A lot of us live for grocery shopping at Costco.
They have great gas prices as well.
When someone suddenly learns they are no longer a member, it can be very dramatic.
Redditor C_RN88 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for having my husband add me to his Costco account and take his ex-wife off?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband and I have been married almost a year, together a little over two years.”
“His ex-wife, whom we are friends with (they have adult kids together), had remained on his Costco account, which is fine.”
“Until recently, I was still on my ex’s Costco account, too, but I was taken off without being informed (I had a whole cart full, and they wouldn’t let me check out due to being removed from the account, so I had to just leave it all there).”
“So yesterday we had some time, and I wanted to go to Costco to finally get on my husband’s account because it’s annoying never being able to go on my own.”
“My husband called his ex to let her know that the only way to add me would be to remove her.”
“She didn’t answer the phone, so he called her boyfriend (who we are also friends with), and he said go for it, no big deal, we hardly ever shop there.”
“So I got added on.”
‘On the way home, his ex-wife returned his call and got incredibly upset, saying she shops at Costco all the time. This is super messed up of him, and he shouldn’t have just gone and added me just because I wanted him to.”
“She was also saying that by shopping there, they contributed to the rebate check my husband gets (last year it was only like $100, and we bought $$$ worth of new flooring plus our regular purchases).”
“The way I see it is she’s been using a free Costco membership for like a decade plus.”
“We didn’t just kick her off without telling her so she’d be stuck at checkout with a cart full of stuff the way I was.”
“She says we didn’t handle the situation well and should have informed her a month in advance.”
“My husband then offered to pay for a year’s membership for her.”
“She agreed but was still mad.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So were we wrong?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Make sure the membership isn’t on his credit card or bank account so it doesn’t keep renewing every year.”
“NTA, she is way overreacting to being removed.”
“You are his wife, not a girlfriend.”
“You should be in this, and he should not be paying for her account, but if it helps keep the peace, make sure it’s just for one year.” ~ upserdoodle
“NTA. He should have done that a long time ago.”
“What did she expect you to do, buy a second membership for you?”
“Your husband went overboard to accommodate her.”
“I’m pretty sure she will continue to gripe when the membership expires in a year.” ~ becoming_maxine
“WHY is he paying for her membership?”
“Their children are adults.”
“She can try being one too and paying the whopping 100.”
“NTA- and she is being ridiculous.”
“It might be the last remaining tie to their marriage that she has to mourn- but it’s been a decade.” ~ Willing-Anteater-795
“NTA, you’re married to him, and she isn’t.”
“I can see it being upsetting to get removed from the account suddenly, but you DID tell her it was happening rather than just letting her find out when she suddenly can’t check out the next time she’s there.”
“If she shops there all the time, she can afford to get her own membership.” ~ ProfessorVelvet
“NTA. No. You are not wrong.”
“That doesn’t mean people will react well to what you do.”
“Stop worrying about whether you upset people.”
“People will always find reasons to be upset, especially when an exploit is taken away from them.”
“Instead, focus on acting in a reasonable manner.”
“Doesn’t mean you will always get it right, but it does mean you are trying to.” ~ GreekAmericanDom
“NTA! Keeping her in the account was a courtesy.”
“Time for her to get her own.” ~ mamaleo29
“NTA. I think it is great that they get along well, and yes, she technically contributes to the cash back, but she can do that for herself.”
“She had a free membership.”
“It should have been done a while ago.” ~ JGalKnit
“NTA… your husband’s ex sounds very entitled to things that are clearly not her own. It was very, very nice of your husband to even offer the year membership.”
“Judging by what happened to you at Cosco, I’d say this is the best way you could have gone about it, and tell her if she wants to be informed on things immediately, she should learn how to answer her phone.” ~ Otherwise_Wave8019
“NTA, but everyone’s relationship is different.”
“I have my best friend as my other card.”
“We do have the upgraded card with cash back, and the agreement is I keep all the cash back to use to renew the card the following year.”
“If my fiancé wants to order something without going through me, he can just sign onto my account and order it.”
“However, if this is actually causing issues with your current marriage, then yes, the right thing to do is end it.” ~ b5wolf
“NTA. I get her being annoyed by it and wanting more notice, but like… She’s not a member of the household.”
“If she shops there all the time, she can get her own membership.” ~ PaperMoonlet
“NTA. She’s really gonna blow up about $60?”
“I also smell BS about her going to Costco all the time.”
“Either she’s lying and trying to start drama, or her boyfriend is a moron who doesn’t notice Costco hauls and Kirkland products everywhere.” ~ SandalsResort
“NTA, but definitely should have exed the ex on the plans when you two committed.”
“If you have any other shared plans, you may need to re-evaluate those now.”
“And what a freaking lucky duck, she’s been using the Costco membership for free and now has a year bought for her?”
“Where can I sign up for that deal?”
“Her being even remotely upset about this is a**aholic and entitled AF.” ~ Impossible_Smile4113
“Make sure his card is removed from the auto-enroll, or you will be paying this woman’s Costco till that card expires.”
“Definitely NTA to remove her, that’s a natural progression in life after divorce, it’s entitled to expect anything like that from an ex.” ~ Striking_Rip851
“NTA – Why would she be mad?”
“At least she got a heads up about it, so she didn’t have the same situation you did.”
“I’m glad you all get along, but it’s crazy to me that she thinks she gets to ride out the membership over you.”
“A hundred years ago, I had a gf that I had in my blockbuster account.”
“We broke up, and the next time I went to rent a movie, there was a late fee.”
“I paid it without thinking much of it.”
“Then, a few weeks later, I rented another movie and there was another late fee.”
“Realized it was the ex.”
“I was on a date with another girl at the time (blockbuster and chill?), so I just paid it again and didn’t say anything.”
“This went on for about a year before I finally went in there by myself and had the ex taken off my account.”
“She ended up calling me a few days later, saying I was d**k.” ~ olneyvideo
“NTA… but could have been handled better, I don’t see why she would need a month’s notice, but more than same day and talking to her, not her BF.”
“She should be grateful for another free year!”
“Ridiculous, she would ask for that and still be pouty.” ~ randomrants
“NTA, but this is comical. Give her $60 and tell her to go F herself.”
“I have grown children with my ex, and ya know what.”
“Haven’t spoken to that dude since my youngest 18th birthday.”
“Because I am married to a wonderful human.”
“Friendships with exes have always been odd to me.”
“I get it for co-parenting reasons, but that’s it.” ~ Classic-Delivery3875
“NTA. But frankly, neither of you should have been on an ex’s membership.”
“That’s one of those things that ends along with the relationship itself.”
“Weird that it wasn’t until now.” ~ Elegant_Bluebird_460
“NTA, she’s lucky she has got to stay on for so long!”
“I don’t think you should have paid for a membership for her, but I can understand wanting to keep as drama-free as possible.”
“Just be sure not to renew it.” ~ S3rnielsen
OP responded…
“I can see where you’re coming from.”
“We both have kids with our exes.”
“So my ex basically kept me on until he got a new partner to add.”
“Which is fine.”
“The only thing that bothered me was not getting a heads up and being stuck at checkout.”
“And my ex just let her stay on there, which is also fine but I just feel like her reaction was extreme given the fact that she’s had access to a free membership all this time and her comment about it being wrong that he just added me ‘because I wanted him to’… like I did it to be rude somehow?”
“I also don’t think we should be obligated to buy her a membership, but $65 is whatever, I guess, if it means it will keep the peace.”
“Up until now, we haven’t had any issues with animosity.”
Wow… Costco can stir up trouble.
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your partner did a very generous thing by buying her a new membership.
Next year, it’s up to her to take care of it.
Happy shopping.