Having neighbors is always a risk.
They may turn out to be great friends or they may be an absolute nightmare.
A man dealing with the latter turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no official voting acronyms and no final judgment given.
Odd-Mountain-8384 asked:
“AITAH for telling my neighbour his wife’s early bedtime isn’t my problem?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Me (24, male) and fiancée (25, female) moved into our first rental 15 months ago. We get along great with neighbors on one side, but the couple (mid-50s) on the other side have been nightmarish.”
“The pattern started early: 3 weeks after moving in, we politely warned neighbors about a small housewarming (15 people, music off by 11 pm, over by 12:30 am Saturday).”
“Before we could finish explaining, the wife cut us off, saying our afternoon music was too loud because her husband was recovering from a stroke. We were completely apologetic, said we had no idea, hoped he’d get well soon, and reassured her the housewarming wouldn’t be too loud or late.”
“Escalating harassment: For 12+ months, they’ve banged on walls whenever we make normal noise: hoovering, hair dryer, music, even mid-afternoon. They deliberately wind up our dogs from their garden, then complain about barking. They’ve thrown stuff over our fence that sent one dog to the vet with an obstruction (no proof though).”
“Today’s incident: I’ve been doing DIY for our nursery (partner’s pregnant). I purposely start at midday to be considerate, but got delayed by a hospital appointment halfway through today.”
“So when I got home, I was finishing off sanding 7:30-8:00 pm (still daylight until 10 pm here) when the husband stormed over at 7:55 pm.”
“He said his wife goes to bed at 6 pm and I’m ‘bang out of order’. I apologized but said I’d be 10 more minutes, and he started getting aggressive. I then again said that I was sorry, but ultimately his wife’s early bedtime isn’t my problem.”
“She could use earplugs or close windows rather than expect the world to stop. He threatened to wake us at 4 am. I calmly said, ‘knock yourself out mate’. He then squared up to me, saying, ‘You’ll regret that—I’m going to make your lives living hell’.”
“Important context: Our lease allows power tools until 9 pm. Council only considers noise nuisance to be nuisance noise between 11pm-7 am. Other neighbours warned us he’s damaged previous tenants’ property and was caught kicking someone’s cat.”
“We’re worried about property damage to our cars/house, stress on my pregnant partner, and potential harm to our dogs when the baby comes. We do have cameras, but ultimately don’t need the stress of worrying about what they might do due to the pregnancy.”
“AITAH?”
The OP added:
“She gets up for work at 4 am hence the threat of waking us—so, apparently, it’s very important she gets a whole 10 hours sleep.”
“If they don’t like noise why did they move into a TERRACED house on a rent to buy estate that is full of young families as the rent is cheaper! Go and get a detached property somewhere, and they can have all the peace they want!”
“We asked around yesterday as we get on well with a lot of the other neighbours—apparently this behaviour isn’t out of the ordinary for him, even pre-stroke. He allegedly was at another neighbour’s door last year with a shovel in his hand, threatening them too, but they never reported it.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA, and you’ve got a partner and child to protect. Pregnancy is far more dangerous than popular culture allows, and these people are putting her and your child at risk with their behavior.”
“You’re likely not the first to complain, and they may just have been waiting for an excuse to get him gone. You’ll still have to be vigilant, though, so I recommend going in hard once the police are on your side (If they aren’t already), because to freaks like this, the nicer you are, the more harm they feel safe doing.”
“It’s a no-win situation, more of a protect and strategize situation, like, emphasize to the police that your wife is pregnant and there’s likely more than one po-po who will totally latch onto protecting her and let him do it, aka strategy.”
“If it were me, I would have told him at the first instance that if you can’t cope with other people’s noises, you should have bought a house far from other people and had your own four walls, but that’s a double punch about failing to secure a better life and not good strategy.”
“I have a temper when someone is being gone after, and no one would accuse me of common sense in dangerous situations! Your observe and adapt strategy is far smarter. I hope this resolves soon and well.” ~ cadaloz1
“Make a list of the times you were harassed and call the cops to give them a verbal. Once it’s on record every time you call the cops on them for acting out the problems for them escalate legally.” ~ DaddyC2S
“NTA of course. You’re well within your rights to complain to the landlord about this harassment. I don’t know about where you’re at, but where I live (California) the law states that you are entitled to peaceful enjoyment of the property you’re renting.”
“So in a case like this, the landlord would be legally obliged to confront your neighbors and to evict them if the harassment doesn’t cease. Save all the evidence you have and talk to the landlord.” ~ Low_Temperature9593
“They are going to lose their minds when you bring home a baby, and it cries at all hours of the day and night (as babies do).”
“I would be documenting the harassment and discussing it with your landlord asap. Tell them you will also be reporting it to the police (and then do so). I would ask the landlord if you are allowed to put in outdoor cameras because you are concerned for your safety, and the dog’s safety, and property damage.”
“Every time you hear a knock on the door, start recording on your phone.”
“Unless they are renters and can be evicted (and even they are), it may be less stressful for you to move than have to deal with them going forward. Again, discuss this with your landlord—you may be able to break the lease.” ~ Doggedart
“NTA. People work different shifts and just deal with it. I wear earplugs at night to blank out traffic noise. It’s no big deal.”
“You ought to get cameras in case this guy starts a war.” ~ Useless890
“Shift worker here. You are NTA.”
“You’re not breaking any noise rules/laws. My shifts are all over the place, sometimes I’m up at 3 am, and others I stumble through the door at 9 am.”
“I use a bunch of things to block out any noise my neighbours are legally within their rights to make. It’s just something shift workers have to do to get their sleep.”
“You need to put cameras up, aimed at your fence (don’t angle it into their windows or yards, just enough to see if anything is thrown over) so you can see if anything is done by the neighbours towards your dogs.”
“One of them has had to go to the vet once, unfortunately, feral neighbours often resort to throwing tampered food over the fence to poison dogs. If they do, you no longer just have circumstantial evidence.”
“Also, some more cameras to cover your perimeter, particularly your front door. This will help you document the harassment and turn it over to police/council if or when you decide to report it.”
“I often get up at 3 am for work. Ideally this means I’m in bed at 6 pm the night before.”
“But I also use earplugs and white noise machines if needed. Expecting the world to stop when people are even yet to have dinner is unreasonable.” ~ Frozefoots
The OP provided an update:
“The police came to speak to us today, and also the neighbour. They said they will call me later today with a bit of a debrief on what was said by the neighbour. Hopefully will know more after that call!”
“Neighbours started acting weirder last night, though. We left our house around 11:20 pm to go to the supermarket and get some painkillers as I had a minor operation yesterday, and as we left our property.”
“He heard the car unlock and decided to pull back his curtains (in the 15 months we’ve lived here I’ve never once seen them open) and stare at us getting in the car and driving away with a big grin on his face—was really creepy so we reported that to police last night too as felt it was an attempt to intimidate us!”
“All is quiet for now! You’re right though, the best way to deal with people like this is to kill them with kindness (I think) and let them see that we will not be bullied out of our home and that no matter how hard they try to make us feel uncomfortable we will still be smiling and going about our lives unphased!”
While there hasn’t exactly been a resolution to the OP’s issue, they at least have a plan.