Gossiping is one of those things that everyone does to varying degrees, but while some will only lightly gossip as a way of staying up-to-date on people they may have fallen more or less out of touch with, some will take their gossiping game way too far.
Because gossiping can quickly slip into a place of defamation with severe consequences, pointed out those in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor aitahHRSW overheard a new nurse gossiping about her and her father, assuming that the older nurse was having an affair with the younger social worker.
Instead of gently correcting her and pointing out they were family, the Original Poster (OP) got Human Resources involved and got her fired for gossiping.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for getting a new nurse fired for accusing me of having an affair with my father?”
The OP had a casual conversation with her dad while at work.
“I am a hospital social worker (27 Female) at a small hospital. My dad (51 Male) is one of the ER dayshift charge nurses.”
“A few weeks ago, I was in the ER, trying to figure out placement for an elderly patient. When I was leaving, I had a chat with my dad in the hallway.”
“Before I left, he gave me a hug and told me not to be late for dinner.”
“I joked about how I’m going to order the most expensive steak on the menu since it’s his turn to pay.”
A new nurse on staff overheard the conversation and made assumptions about it.
“There was a new nurse at the nurses’ station nearby. Pretty much everyone knows that he’s my dad. I hadn’t spoken with this new nurse much, though, and she didn’t know.”
“Apparently, she thought my dad and I were having an affair based on what she heard and saw. She knew my dad was married to my mom, who brings him lunch sometimes, and assumed I was the other woman.”
“She immediately began gossiping to some of the other staff that my dad was having an affair with ‘the hospital social worker,’ meaning me.”
The OP did not appreciate the rumors when she heard about them.
“One older nurse who I’ve known for a long time immediately came to tell me. I don’t think she liked this new nurse very much.”
“I guess no one decided to tell her that he’s my dad.”
“And I hate gossipers. I don’t know what it is about nurses, but I swear to god, some of them really love to spread rumors; it’s like it fuels their energy tanks more than the bad coffee.”
“I decided not to take it up with her and I just went straight to HR.”
“We were both asked to come to HR after our shift was over, along with my dad. Now, the HR lady knew that he was my father.”
“When the new nurse came in, she was asked to explain, and she said that she thought it was terrible that we would so blatantly have an affair, and she was shocked because she thought my dad seemed like such a nice guy.”
“My dad then decided to speak up and explain that I’m his child.”
“The new nurse was mortified and apologized profusely.”
“The HR lady asked my dad and me to leave. They had a meeting with the unit manager, and it was decided that the new nurse would be fired immediately because she was still in her ninety-day probationary period.”
The OP’s family was divided over how the OP handled the situation.
“My mom thinks I’m a jerk and that I should’ve just brought it up to the nurse instead of bringing it to HR when I knew she would probably get fired.”
“I think my mom is also sympathetic because she stalked the woman’s Facebook page, and she’s a single mom or whatever.”
“I think I was right to get her fired, because the hospital doesn’t need a bunch of nurses sitting on their a**es gossiping instead of doing their jobs.”
“My dad is embarrassed and feels awkward about the whole thing. It’s not the first time someone has thought I was dating my dad. We aren’t being weird or anything, but it happens.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the new nurse wouldn’t have been fired if she kept her facts straight and didn’t gossip.
“It’s not your fault this nurse had no self-preservation skills. In your first 90 days, you should be on your best behavior.”
“If she thought something inappropriate was going on, she should have gone to HR like you did. Her personal life as a single mom is not your business. NTA.” – imf4rds
“NTA. Medical professionals cannot afford to be jumping to conclusions, especially when they’re harmful.” – auntlynnie
“No one told her because they recognized the snake in their presence. Letting the process work is the best way to get rid of that danger.”
“She won’t shoot her mouth off at the next job. NTA.” – grayblue_grrl
“If she’s gossiping openly about her coworkers, what is she saying about her patients? What private info is she releasing? You were right in going to HR.”
“And you didn’t get her fired; she got herself fired because they realized that she was untrustworthy and a possible lawsuit if she released private info. NTA.” – Public-Ad-9827
“I’m concerned about the assumptions she was making. This was one interaction, and she projected and assumed an entire relationship, and an adulterous one at that, from that one interaction.”
“Even if OP wasn’t related to the ER nurse, there is no reason to assume, based on one interaction, that they are having an affair. Especially when you are brand new to the situation.” – One_Ad_704
“If the nurse was really trying to stand on any moral high ground, she would have approached your dad or maybe even your mom. She ran to gossip about it. She potentially could have ruined both your careers.”
“Not trying to sound mean, but your mom is extra wrong on this one. Her opinion sucks. NTA.” – Odd_Welcome7940
But others felt like the OP went out of her way to get a new nurse fired.
“I think the real AHs are all the other nurses who let this spread at all.”
“Like if a newbie showed up and said, ‘Oh my god, I saw our male coworker hugging and making date plans with another woman, his poor wife!,’ I would immediately respond, ‘Oh no, that’s his daughter; it’s fine.’ That’s it. Immediate end.”
“Why did they let this turn into something at all?! It seems like they enjoyed messing with her, even at the expense of rumors flying about you and/or your father.”
“Because even though this was obviously false and got shot down, a year from now, someone with little connection on a different floor will say, ‘Wasn’t there some rumor a while back about that guy being a cheater?’ That’s the problem with gossip. It gets distorted and lingers with you.” – ImaginaryAnts
“I’m going against the grain to say YTA. Everyone knew he was your dad. A simple ‘He’s her dad’ from your first nurse friend would have stopped her in her tracks.”
“A simple ‘I heard you misunderstood the relationship, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t jump to conclusions. We don’t appreciate gossip around here,’ would have stopped her in her tracks.”
“If she didn’t stop with the gossiping, then take it to HR. Give people a chance to learn from their mistakes. It was a misunderstanding.” – Ok_Philosophy_3892
“YTA. You went out of your way to have someone fired for making a mistake. I’m certain there’s plenty of gossiping going around in every hospital, and I don’t believe that you are innocent of gossip yourself, even among close friends; it’s still gossiping.”
“You weren’t trying to right an injustice, you weren’t trying to save the hospital the litigation risks, you were simply being horrible by going out of your way to have someone blocked from earning a coin.”
“Your Dad is embarrassed at your behaviour, not the fact that it was an issue. You need to grow up and get a serious grip on yourself. Your Mom is correct, you are a jerk and an a**hole.” – BaconLover80
“I was with you right up until you said, ‘I think I was right to get her fired, because we the hospital doesn’t need a bunch of nurses sitting on their a**es gossiping instead of doing their jobs.'”
“Do you agree that ANYTIME that you’ve EVER talked about another coworker that you were also sitting on your a** gossiping instead of doing your job? You’re pretty cavalier about causing someone (a single mother) to lose their job. I would expect a lot more empathy from a social worker.”
“You should’ve talked to your father, who actually works with her, before going to HR, but you wanted to punish her for misinterpreting what she saw. ESH. Leaning YTA.” – hospicedoc
“The nurse who told you about this gossip, and didn’t shut it down by telling the new nurse he is your father, is a major AH. She basically manipulated you into getting the new nurse fired. Clearly she had an agenda and something against the new nurse.”
“Because telling you and you acting on it was also gossip. The new nurse did something not quite professional at work, but so did you, OP.”
“If you are so professional while the nurse is ‘sitting on her a** gossiping at work,’ why are you utilizing your work hours inappropriately, making plans with your dad, and joking around? YTA.” – Numerous_Green7063
“Technically NTA, but as a fellow social worker, I have a real issue with social workers not using communication and escalating things upstairs for no reason.”
“You should know how many of your clients suffered exactly because of that, and maybe you hate seeing people with disabilities getting the cops called on them instead of talking and them getting hurt in the process or some similar issue close to your heart, but here you are in a similar situation, choosing escalation, as well!”
“You could have addressed it directly, shut it down, and also brought up the overall issue with gossiping in your hospital if that is something regularly occurring. Jesus, you even admit that the coworker came to tell you instead of nipping it in the bud because she dislikes her.”
“So yeah, NTA, but d**n, I really dislike social workers like you!” – let_me_know_22
While the subReddit could understand the frustration of gossiping and the damage that it could cause, most agreed that a conversation before going to HR could have helped.
There’s a possibility that this new nurse might have been a chronic gossiper, so resolving this issue would have only led to more opportunities for her to gossip around the nurses’ station, but there’s a chance, too, that it was a misunderstanding that could have been resolved, leading to a quality new nurse.
It is ironic that the OP participated in a conversation with a fellow nurse and then went to HR with the information she had without confirming anything with the new nurse or her father, which still feels very much like gossiping. She just involved someone in the gossip, the HR lady, who could get someone fired.