Roommate situations aren’t always easy.
Keeping peace and harmony can feel like an extra job.
So, how do people who are so different make it work?
Redditor Remote-Jello-967 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my OCD roommate to ‘get over it?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am Jewish.”
“My roommate is not.”
“I asked her if it was ok with her if I put a mezuzah by our front door.”
“For those who don’t know, this is a small rectangular case that is affixed to the wall or doorframe that holds a scroll.”
“We are supposed to have it by our front door.”
“She said it was fine.”
“I ordered one and put it up.”
“The mezuzah is supposed to tilt a little toward the door, and not be straight up and down.”
“I hung it the correct way, and she got angry, saying she needed it to be straight.”
“I informed her that it isn’t traditionally hung that way.”
“I did straighten it a little, but kept a slight tilt.”
“She was still angry about it.”
“Like, screaming angry.”
“I reminded her that I endure the absolute explosion of Christmas decorations every year, and never complain.”
“And this was just a little piece of metal.”
“She said this was different, since it set off her OCD.”
“I said I would just take it down, then.”
“So I took it down, and there were holes in the wall where I had screwed it into the wall.”
“I paid for maintenance to fill them, but the fill he used is a slightly different shade from the rest of the wall.”
“Apparently, that also sets off her OCD, and she is angry with me now.”
“I was just so done with the whole situation, and said she really just needs to get over it.”
“She said I was TA for saying that, since she has OCD.”
“Is she right?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“That’s not OCD, that’s being an a**hole. NTA.” ~ Mobile-Plastic-8853
“I do have compulsive behaviors, but not the disorder part – when I was younger and visited a Jewish friend, it bothered me that there was an uneven box at her front door, and I asked what it was and why it was tilted.”
“She explained what a mezuzah is and what it’s for and why it’s tilted towards the door (there are several!”
“Differing opinions on which way it should be resulting in a halfway option, stability of it being affixed to the wall, something she said about God and the Torah being represented or invited or that ilk), and since it was done properly, it was immediately fine in my brain.”
“It followed the rules.”
“I still didn’t particularly enjoy it being tilted, but there was a ‘why’ behind it that meant it was how it should be.”
“Tilted photos or paintings aren’t following the rules.”
“They are meant to be straight; we hang them that way, so the issue only arises when they are outside of their scope for being.”
“Your roommate is just being an a**hole. NTA.” ~ dhcirkekcheia
“She’s the a**hole.”
“I am diagnosed with almost extreme OCD, and I would NEVER scream at a roommate or anyone for my problems.”
“It would be quite difficult to endure something that triggered my OCD, but I would endure it for something like that.”
“It’s not on you to make her life as easy as possible.”
“She kinda sounds like a brat.” ~ crabwalk_blerfing
“Hi. I have OCD.”
“It gets worse when other people accommodate you like this.”
“This is often something you get told in therapy.”
“So she’s not in therapy.”
“She’s just raw dogging OCD, and asking those around her to accommodate her worsening symptoms.”
“You wouldn’t even be helping her. NTA.” ~ sunlightanddoghair
“Agreed, NTA.”
“OCD diagnosis or not, this is not how you deal with it.”
“You don’t put it on someone else to regulate your emotions for you AND disrespect their religious beliefs on top of that.”
“It is their discomfort to manage, not OP’s.”
“And practically, no one can live life this way and expect the whole world to bend and twist around to manage one person’s discomfort or anxiety.” ~ kgd95
“NTA. I’m not a doctor, but I’m someone who’s in a relationship with someone who’s had an OCD diagnosis, and I feel like I can pretty confidently say that that doesn’t sound like OCD to me, just a very particular and picky person.”
“I feel like a lot of people’s idea of what OCD is like (wanting everything to be perfect, organized, and straight) is not what OCD is actually like (intrusive thoughts, fear of contamination, paranoia, feeling like you NEED to do a compulsion or something terrible will happen, having compulsions that often make no logical sense).”
“In my opinion, SHE’s the one who needs to get over it.”
“Even if it was an OCD symptom making her act this way, it’s STILL her responsibility to deal with it.” ~ awelias8
“NTA. It sounds like her OCD isn’t being sufficiently managed to allow her to live harmoniously with other adults, which is unfortunate, and I have all the empathy in the world… but it is her responsibility.”
“Could you have been more diplomatic? Sure.”
“But she can’t scream at you and then expect perfect decorum from you at all times.” ~ nefarious_planet
“NTA because you cannot manage your roomie’s OCD.”
“I don’t know what the proper protocol for treating it is, but it’s just not something you can do.”
“And I don’t think yelling at you is part of it.”
“You gave her a chance to avoid this whole problem by asking if she was ok with your mezuzah.”
“That was her cue to research what it would entail and if it was tolerable to her.”
“I guess you’re kinda rude for saying get over it, but literally what else are you supposed to do at this point to accommodate her?”
“She still has to deal with her reaction internally.” ~ goldgoldfish
“NTA, OCD is not an excuse to behave like an AH.”
“The world does not exist to conform to her issues, and she is going to have to accept that.”
“Honestly, if her OCD is that unmanageable, then she needs to be living alone where she has complete control and doesn’t have to be considerate of others.”
“I’m sorry that she struggles, but you shouldn’t have to deny and very small, basic aspect of your culture and faith just because she doesn’t want to put in the work to cope.” ~ WeaknessResponsible4
“NTA. Having a mental illness does not give one carte blanche to be hostile and irrational to the people in their life.”
“Your roommate is being ridiculous, and if the slightly different paint color is bothering her so much, she can repaint it.”
“Or better yet, she could respect your religious beliefs and seek professional help for her disorder.” ~ apoetnamedross
“NTA- I have pretty severe OCD, the mezuzah being tilted would annoy me, sure, but I have spent a lot of time in therapy working so those annoying things don’t affect the people around me and I can cope with the uncomfortableness.”
“Her lack of management of her mental disorder is not your fault.” ~ bemer33
“NTA. Her ignorance about the mezuzah notwithstanding, you did everything a good roommate should.”
“You asked permission to put it up.”
“When it caused problems, you took it down and even had maintenance fill the holes.”
“You are not obligated to manage her mental illness symptoms for her.”
“If she cannot manage her own symptoms, the onus is on her to address them with her doctor and therapist.” ~ cheekmo_52
“NTA, I’ve had clinical OCD almost my entire life.”
“Now, I completely understand that your roommates need to have things at the right angles.”
“I’ve absolutely struggled with this myself.”
“If this is causing that big of an issue for them, they really, really need help.”
“I’ve seen how my OCD affects my family, and it’s not pretty.”
“Your roommate has no right to dictate how you express your faith.”
“You’re being very accommodating by asking first.”
“They need therapy.” ~ Xzeriea
“NTA, but quick question for those of you with experience with OCD.”
“I have none.”
“If OP had shown his roommate online proof (not just told her) that being tilted was the right way, would that change it for her?”
“What I mean after seeing proof of the right way, would she then be triggered if it was straight since she now knows how it is supposed to be?”
“I hope that made sense.” ~ Weary_Minute1583
“NTA. I have OCD, and that’s not my fault (or your roommate’s), but it IS my responsibility.”
“Sometimes the world presents us with surprise exposure therapy, and while this can be hard, it’s a chance to better deal with the intrusive thoughts and compulsions that will inevitably come and that we can’t control.”
“Your roommate can’t control everything around her all of the time, and she should’ve taken this as a chance to deal with her compulsion.”
“You live there too, and you shouldn’t have to dance around her disorder.” ~ No_Drummer_6355
“NTA, like a lot of people are saying, that doesn’t sound like OCD.”
“Also, that’s HER problem to solve.”
“Mental illness is nobody’s fault, but it is your responsibility to deal with it.”
“If she’s being bothered that much, she needs therapy and medication.” ~ queenofthequeens
“NTA. Mental health issues are a person’s own responsibility.”
“Not Gonna Lie… if she’s *SCREAMING* at you over a mezuzah, I worry for your safety as a fellow Jewish person.” ~ izanaegi
“Look, I’m a bit OCD. I think things are straight.”
“Whose job is it to deal with that? Mine.”
“She sounds like a pain. NTA.” ~ Individual_Metal_983
Reddit is with you, OP.
You don’t have to obey your roommate’s issues.
Her screaming at you is uncalled for.
You’re also allowed to have your religious decorations properly displayed.
Good Luck.