Getting engaged and married is a triumphant experience for many.
Many people plan for it their whole lives.
However, some people use that joy as a weapon.
Some couples get hitched early, some late… is it all a competition?
Redditor Overall-Flower-6289 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling off my sister at her birthday dinner?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Here’s some important context: My sister (28 F[emale]) recently got engaged to her now fiancé (28 M[ale]).”
“We only recently found out about the engagement, even though they’ve been engaged for 2 months.”
“Before their engagement, they were only dating for a month or so.”
“When my sister announced her engagement, we were all shocked to say the least, but we congratulated her and we celebrated.”
“However, she has now made it a point to keep making fun of the fact that she got engaged before me (25 F), even though I’ve been in a l[ong] d[istance] r[elationship] with my B[oy]F[riend] (28 M) for 4 years.”
“In fact, everyone was surprised that she got engaged before me.”
“I’ve told her multiple times that I’m not bothered that she got engaged before me, since she is the older sister, so it only makes sense.”
“Now here is where I might be TA.”
“We were at her birthday dinner a few days ago.”
“Once again, at this birthday dinner, she started the whole thing about how she got engaged before me.”
“I was just going to let it slide since it was her birthday dinner and her fiancé was there, and I don’t really know him that well.”
“However, she then said that app they were planning that if they found out that my BF was going to propose to me, they were going to get engaged the day before just to beat me to it.”
“As soon as I heard that, I lost it and told her that she’s making it seem as though she only got engaged just to spite me.”
“The mood turned sour, and eventually we all went home.”
“My parents think I overreacted since, according to my sister, that comment was only a joke.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA for telling off my sister at her birthday dinner?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, but here’s the good news.”
“She’s also on track to get divorced before you.” ~ Foofieness
“So it was ‘only a joke?'”
“Ask her to explain to everyone how it’s funny.”
“Then repeat as necessary that you don’t get it.”
“Forcing someone to explain what they call a joke is a great way for them to see it’s not funny at all.” NTA.” ~ Weird_Resort3095
“NTA, and yes, it does sound like she only got engaged to be First.”
“What type of person does that?”
“Your family doesn’t even know the guy, nor does she really.”
“Tell her it’s nothing to be proud of or gloat about.”
“What’s next in her crazy mind?”
“Getting pregnant to be first?”
“Sky Diving?” ~ Tina-Tuna
“NTA. Sounds like she has some serious Main Character Syndrome.”
“No one cares who gets engaged and when, except apparently her.”
“This is a ridiculous thing to be competitive over.”
“If you do get engaged, don’t invite her to the wedding unless she has a major attitude adjustment.” ~ thechaoticstorm
“NTA… sounds like she just did it to ‘beat’ you in a game only she’s playing.”
“She kept making the same comments over and over to get a reaction that’s not a joke, but pushing to make you react and then act victim when you do.”
“I can’t stand these kinda people and their psycho mind games.” ~ BeltIcy4293
“NTA. Just to be certain, OP, your sister recently got engaged to someone she’s only been dating for ONE month?”
“I’m just going to quote Elsa from Frozen.”
“’Can’t marry a man you just met’ each there own, but that’s just a train wreck waiting to happen.” ~ Cut_over_pompanox
“NTA – your sister is clearly competing with you over something in which there should be no competition.”
“I would have said something too.”
“Otherwise, she just would have continued with the unfunny ‘joke.'” ~ CeeceeATL
“NTA… and something tells me your sister’s marriage is doomed from the start.”
“She got engaged after only knowing someone for a month, and apparently, only got engaged so she could beat you to it.” ~ Specific-Syllabub-54
“Being the birthday girl should get you a little bit of slack, like getting a little drunk slack or blurting out something stupid and minor slack.”
“Telling your younger sister that you engaged a month after meeting someone to ensure that she wouldn’t get engaged first is pretty major.”
“NTA. She doesn’t get that much slack.” ~ MystifiedByPeople
“Before even reading the last paragraph, I suspected she got engaged that quickly just to ‘beat’ you to it.”
“NTA, but you did fall into her trap.”
“She’s the one who keeps bringing it up, clearly looking to get a rise from you.”
“Now she’s had it and gets to play victim.”
“Sounds like an attention seeker.” ~ Putrid_Performer2509
“You know, I am going with NTA, but… really, nothing you say will be as bad as the consequences of her rushing to get married like this.”
“At least you know, she will be the 1st engaged, likely the 1st married, maybe the 1st with a kid… but also the 1st divorced…”
“Just saying.”
“Personally, with this sort of family drama, I would get a courthouse wedding.”
“I am betting your sister’s drama will blow up at your wedding, and it isn’t worth the headache.” ~ KSknitter
“NTA. I’m guessing (and I’m really playing armchair psychologist here) she had a lot of insecurities about you finding a long-term partner before she did, and now that she has a fiancé, she was expecting you to feel a similar way.”
“I feel like when people see others being unaffected by things they would struggle with, they poke and prod to try to get a reaction out of them.”
“Almost like a ‘I know this bothers you, why are you hiding it’ so they make it a thing until they get the reaction they expected.” ~ patrick119
“NTA… your sister is being ridiculous.”
“She seems to think of this all as a competition, wonder how her fiancé feels about getting engaged to one-up her sister.”
“Your best approach is to ignore her, though reminding her that you aren’t participating in this little competition she has going on might be tempting 😇.”
“Seriously, your sister has issues if she’s being this pathetic about something that no one else gives a flying f**k about.” ~ LottieOD
“NTA. If it was a ‘joke,’ it stopped being funny the third or fourth time she weaponized it.”
“Jokes don’t land if the punchline is ‘I’m obsessed with outdoing my sister.’”
“You didn’t ruin her birthday; she did, by turning your relationship into a running gag in front of everyone.”
“She’s not the victim here.”
“She’s just mad you finally said out loud what everyone was thinkin.’” ~ LullabbyMystic
“NTA, but this is where you need to bust out your pitying look.”
“She’s pathetic, and everyone can see that, so don’t let her get under your skin.” ~ __The_Kraken__
“I think it’s funny that you said that you were gonna let it slide because you didn’t really know her fiancé.”
“But looking at the timeline for your sister’s relationship with him, it kinda looks like she doesn’t really know him either. NTA.”
“If she brings it up again, either make the joke that she’ll be divorced before you are, or you’re so glad that she’s able to find a placeholder for her first husband.” ~ Professional-Hornet2
“NTA. Just respond that you didn’t realize there was a contest, but now that you’ve been made aware, you’re not participating, mostly because engagement and your wedding should both be about loving your partner and planning for your future together, but also because it should not be about competition.”
“Make sure you add: What a weird thing to try to flex about.”
“Seems pretty immature.” ~ HelpfulMaybeMama
“NTA. You were not the one constantly bringing up the engagement timeline.”
“SHE was.”
“Your sister kept reintroducing the subject and poking the bear.”
“Your response was perfectly valid, and she has no one to blame for how the dinner went but herself.” ~ Far_Quantity_6133
“NTA. She’s jealous that your 4-year LDR relationship is going better than her 2-month relationship, which is probably why she got engaged so fast, and she feels like since you’ve been in a relationship for 4 years means you’re closer to a marriage than she is, even though she’s older.” ~ DancoholicsSCX
“It’s not a joke when what was said was meant to hurt you.”
“AND… no one way laughing, so it wasn’t a joke.”
“Don’t let any of them turn gaslight on you on this.”
“Seems as if she’s jealous of you.”
“That’s a dangerous emotion.”
“There’s also nothing you can do about it, even if you knew what she’s jealous of. NTA.” ~ Outrageous-forest
“NTA. If she is continually ‘joking’ about it, it’s not a joke.”
“She has other issues going on.”
“Jealousy, etc.”
“I am willing to bet they don’t get married and will end up broken up before the wedding.”
“This is why people shouldn’t rush into marriage, because I agree with others.”
“She will end up broken up or divorced before you will.” ~ jjrobinson73
Reddit agrees with you, OP.
Your sister has no right to treat you this way.
Don’t let her judge your relationship by hers.
She has her own issues to figure out.
Keep speaking your mind.