Helping out family can be difficult, especially when money is involved.
Oftentimes, there is only so much money to spare.
So it may not be an easy favor to help with.
Redditor OkPlankton2490 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not buying personal care products for my stepsister?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My stepmother is super into all-natural things.”
“So she uses only all-natural things.”
“I don’t even mean products that are labeled at the store as all natural, I mean she will actually make her own deodorant from natural things.”
“She also only uses natural remedies for things unless absolutely necessary, and she’s anti-shaving because our bodies are supposed to have hair.”
“Thankfully, she doesn’t force this stuff on my brother (M[ale] 18) and me (F[emale] 16), and we can use our own toiletries.”
“This is because my Dad and she have an agreement not to interfere with each other’s kids.”
“The only thing we kind of have to have is the vegan, all-natural foods only.”
“Which aren’t actually that bad.”
“Most of the time I don’t eat breakfast anyway, and my brother and I will sometimes go out for lunch, and during the school year we also buy lunch and sometimes sneak in snacks.”
“So it’s really only dinner, which isn’t that bad.”
“It’s different for our stepsister (F 13).”
“She is absolutely not allowed to use any chemicals at all.”
“That wasn’t too much of a problem before, or at least I didn’t know if she complained about it.”
“Now she’s started getting acne, and she hates it.”
“Her mom keeps trying only natural remedies that don’t work and thinks chemicals will just do more harm than good since it’s not that bad.”
“Also, there are other things my stepsister hates, like having to use natural deodorant, and she wants to use tampons instead because she hates feeling wet when she has her period.”
“Her hair is also not really good and feels crispy even if she uses oil on it.”
“She also wants to shave because she gets made fun of for having hairy legs.”
“Because of the situation with our stepmother, our Dad sends me and my brother money to our accounts for things like toiletries. “
“He also gives us an allowance.”
“My stepsister doesn’t get an allowance, but she knows about the money we get and asked me if I could buy her some acne stuff, some hair stuff, razors, and tampons.”
“That stuff all adds up, though, and I don’t want to spend so much of my money on it because then I won’t have as much for stuff I want.”
“I already use up all my toiletry money every month on stuff I need, so it would have to come out of my allowance, and I would probably use it all up.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. One thing I haven’t seen mentioned yet is that maybe have your sister see the school counselor or school nurse to explain the situation, assuming her school has these positions.”
“There is a strong possibility that they might be able to provide your sister with deodorant and tampons she can keep in her locker to use when she gets to school.”
“It won’t help with at-home stuff, but I might help cut down on some of the teasing she’s dealing with.” ~ MaybeNextTime_01
“School psych here, and I had a drawer for my students.”
“I’ve bought dry shampoo for some of my students who didn’t have access to showers on a consistent basis, or made little hygiene bags for them.”
“I would rather spend $20 to give a student one less thing to worry about.”
“Also, NTA!” ~ Run_layla
“Can I suggest a menstrual cup or disc as that’s easy to clean and hide, and much cheaper as it’s a one-time purchase.”
“It’s not fair to ask you to fund her toiletry needs, especially because you’ll likely get in a lot of trouble if her mum finds out.”
“Maybe consider having a chat with your dad about it ?? NTA.” ~ o2low
“Stepsister should tell her guidance counselor that her mom won’t buy her toiletries, and despite her explaining to her mom that she feels dirty and unclean, her mom won’t allow her to clean herself properly.”
“Let CPS or the school get involved and have mom answer to all of this.” ~ sallystruthers69
“Second this.”
“Wish I could upvote a million times.”
“Dad says he can’t get involved, but is trying to convince his daughter to get involved?”
“That’s a cop out and messed up.”
“OP is a kid and shouldn’t be involved in this.”
“OP encourages her to go to the guidance counselor with these concerns.” ~ REDDIT
“You don’t even need to convince your stepsister to go to a counselor.”
“Do her a favor and YOU go see her counselor or go see your own counselor (I think you are in high school and she’s in middle school).”
“Your counselor should be able to contact hers, and then that counselor will simply pull her from class to discuss.”
“Also, you should be able to pick up some things for her at the dollar store for less than $5 or $6.”
“Deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, soap.”
“I 100% think NTA, but I want you to consider how alone this little girl must feel that she’s asking you for help with life’s necessities.”
“This is the origin story of a person who goes no or low contact with her mother and stepfather the instant she can.”
“Maybe, possibly, you and your brother could be the friends and the family that she desperately needs.” ~ IllustriousCabinet11
“I’ll say NTA because, yeah, arguably you aren’t required to help with anything, but I’d encourage you to have compassion for your stepsister and at least slip her a few dollars so she can get a razor or something.”
“And maybe try letting her know the school nurse might have tampons she can have.”
“I used to be like her and people made fun of me (my parents wouldn’t buy me s**t), and it can be so hurtful to be made fun of for something you can’t control, especially if the other kids in the house still get what they need.” ~ smol9749been
“NAH (apart from your step mum).”
“However, I would help her by looking up local period poverty/food bank initiatives where sanitary products and perhaps even toiletries will be provided.”
“It may feel a bit strange if you, as a family, aren’t struggling financially.”
“But this is a child who lacks the means to afford basic sanitary and hygiene products, and isn’t being provided them by her caregiver- this is what these charities are for.”
“I would be very concerned for this girl once she reaches her later years and needs access to things like birth control.”
“If you can, I would speak to your dad about at least trying to change your stepmom’s mind on medical things like periods.” ~ grammarlysucksass
“NTA, it’s not your responsibility to provide for your stepsister.”
“You don’t mention her father in the post; is he not in the picture at all?”
“That would be the most reasonable next step to handle this situation since your dad and stepmom have the agreement to not parent each other’s kids.”
“The other option I see would be to have a heart-to-heart with your dad about your concern for your stepsister.”
“It might be a good idea for all of you to come together as a family in support of your stepsister (without attacking your stepmom, of course).”
“The teenage years are brutal, and acne, deodorant that probably doesn’t work, which leads to body odor, and body hair are HUGE places for bullying to come from.”
“Maybe if you all kindly point out the situation from stepsister’s point of view to stepmom, she might have a change of heart and be willing to find some kind of middle ground.” ~ maypokenewtonaway
“NAH, other than the hippie stepmother.”
“OP is not the A for refusing to buy her stepsister these products with her allowance money.”
“Stepsister is also not an A for asking, since it’s hard being a teen going through puberty, and it’s doubly hard when her mom won’t allow her to use standard beauty/health products.”
“I’m sure if the 13-year-old suddenly started using these standard products, her mother would have a conniption about it and make everyone’s life worse.”
“OP could suggest that the stepsister seek out help from the school’s nurse.”
“Also, there is no mention of the biological father or his family; they could be a resource for this girl.” ~ schec1
“NTA, talk to your dad about this insanity.”
“It isn’t fair to her.”
“Not you, not buying her stuff, but her mom imposing her own extreme viewpoints on her teen.”
“Not letting a teen girl shave is downright cruel socially.” ~ No_Caterpillar_6178
“NTA. It’s not your responsibility, and even if you did buy it for her, it would likely spark an argument with the stepmother vs the rest of the family.”
“That being said, if you want to help out your stepsister, you could try to help her persuade your stepmother to let her use non-natural remedies.”
“Kids can be brutal to people who are different, so it would be a shame if your sister got bullied because of it.” ~ HolSmGamer
OP came back to chat…
“Because people keep bringing it up.”
“She’s already talked to her mom about it a bunch and even asked my Dad for money.”
“Stepmom is still not willing to get her these things, and my Dad refuses to get involved.”
Well, OP, Reddit understands your decision.
It’s your money.
Your stepsister is in an unfortunate situation.
Maybe you could all sit down with your stepmother and try to make her see what’s happening with her daughter.
Or another trusted adult in your life like a school counselor.
Hopefully, they’ll listen.
Good Luck.