Sometimes people have no choice but to go to the bathroom outdoors.
However, choosing to go outdoors instead of indoors intentionally can be questionable behavior.
Why not use a clean, functioning restroom?
Redditor Aware-Secretary8597 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITAH for shaming my boyfriend over his weird peeing habit?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (25 F[emale]) B[oy]F[riend] (22 M[ale]) is a great and considerate guy and usually extremely well-mannered.”
“Unfortunately, recently I learned about a really strange habit of his that concerns me.”
“When we were just dating and he was visiting me at my apartment, he never asked to use my bathroom.”
“I didn’t ask if he needed to use it because I assume, as an adult, he would let me know, like all of my friends do.”
“A few weeks into our relationship, he told me he would pee in the bushes behind the apartment complex.”
“I thought this was weird.”
“When I asked him why, he told me he didn’t want to be rude.”
“I assumed he was just trying to be polite since he didn’t know me well then, but it still didn’t make sense to me.”
“He uses my bathroom with no issues now.”
“Several months after this, he visited my parents for the first time at their home.”
“He had already met them before, but this was the first time being in their house.”
“He was drinking a lot of water, so before we left, I asked him if he needed to use their bathroom since we had a long drive ahead of us.”
“He said he was good.”
“They also offered their bathroom, but he refused. “
“We stopped at Kroger as they were closing for drinks, which was only a couple of minutes away.”
“When he got back into his car, he drove around to the back of the building, got out, and started peeing into the grass.”
“He said he didn’t use the Kroger restrooms because they were closed.”
“I was baffled that he would rather pee outside than in my parents’ clean and convenient bathroom.”
“He said he was being respectful.”
“I don’t understand how using someone’s bathroom after they offered could be disrespectful or impolite.”
“We went river tubing yesterday, and rather than pee before or after in one of the many restrooms on site, he peed in the middle of the river with tons of people around.”
“It was really quick, and no one noticed.”
“I scolded him for peeing in a public place with children around.”
“His explanations for peeing in weird places never satisfy me.”
“I don’t know how common this is for men, but I think it’s abnormal.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole for telling him his habit is gross and disrespectful, instead of ‘polite’ like he insists?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Tell him that people have been added to the sex offender registry for public urination.”
“Explain the major consequences that come with that – it limits where you can live, your employment prospects, and your ability to interact with children.”
“Ask him if peeing outside is worth having to deal with all of that for the rest of his life.” ~ PandaEnthusiast89
“My money is on it being a fetish of some kind.” ~ Ehgender
“It doesn’t seem like he’s seeking an audience (unless I read it wrong), so it may be a response to some sort of fear of bathrooms, possibly ocd/germ-related.”
“This doesn’t read as kink/fet. It reads like avoidance/paranoia… similar to something my (untreated for the last 40 years…) mentally ill aunt would do.”
“The water peeing just feels like laziness or maybe it seemed (to him) that it was the least revealing option in the environment after denying himself bathroom usage beforehand, getting stuck in the situation while being ridiculously self-unaware.” ~ iDoWeird
“NTA. Is he under the mistaken impression that his pee doesn’t smell like urine? It does.”
“And everywhere he pees, like your bushes, etc, also reeks.”
“And in some places, like the river, he could be arrested and put on the sex offenders list.”
“If this is a psychological thing, he needs therapy immediately.”
“He is not a child; he could get in really big trouble.”
“And it smells terrible.” ~ shelwood46
“If he’s not careful, a cop may see him peeing behind a building or a place where he could possibly be seen, like that store.”
“That could get him in big trouble! It could land him a rap for indecent exposure or on the sex offender list?!” ~ Beenani1
“Yep. This is definitely not normal behavior for an adult.”
“The smell alone would be a dealbreaker for me, plus the legal risks are real.”
“Public urination can land you on registries depending on where you live.”
“He needs to handle this with a therapist before it becomes a bigger problem.” ~ jdnls87
“I will defend peeing in the river.”
“I grew up near a Great Lake, and we would have Long Beach days.”
“The rule was you went far enough, no one was around when you peed.”
“As far as tubing, everyone pees in the river.”
“Especially if they had been drinking.”
“Comedian Ron White talked about once.”
“Peeing in public crosses a line.”
“Knew a guy who got banded from a company.”
“He was a contractor doing work late evening, the restroom was closed for cleaning, so he peed behind the building and got caught.”
“Next day banded.” ~ Any-Owl5710
“NTA. How bizarre.”
“That is quite the opposite of ‘not being rude.'” ~ ConflictGullible392
“Agreed. In what world is public urination being ‘respectful and polite?’”
“I am dying to sit him down and make him explain that to me.”
“Using the room or facility that everyone uses without question for the express purpose of peeing, after a host offers it to him, or… break the law?”
“Which one of those is polite/respectful?” ~ hunnybadger22
“NTA This is a weird habit.”
“I would guess that if you start unpacking some of the baggage he’s carrying around, somewhere in someone is telling him how ‘rude’ he is to borrow someone’s bathroom.”
“I grew up in the country, so I know men and women pee outside occasionally, but not as a preference.”
“I may be from the south, but we all PREFER indoor plumbing.”
“The first few examples you gave reminded me of a dog marking their territory, but the last one–the river, with strangers and children around–was upsetting and honestly the type of thing he could get arrested for.”
“With this act, he’s gone from ‘that’s annoying’ to ‘this behavior needs to stop, right now.'” ~ Bubbly_Chicken_9358
“Might want to sit down and talk him through why he thinks it’s more rude to pee in someone’s restroom than in their bushes.”
“If I looked out back and saw a grown man peeing in my bushes, I would be pretty upset.”
“Plus, it can smell; I had to ban peeing off the deck at our house because it would smell after a rain lol (but it was people living here that did it, never guests, and we live in the wilderness).”
“I think this must be some trauma or weird learned behavior.”
“Like maybe he was shamed for splattering as a kid and carried that with him, I don’t know.”
“If he’s willing to talk it out and explore the reasoning behind his thinking, I think that’s the best course.” ~ Idkidkidk4321
“NTA. However, I definitely think there is something deeper happening here.”
“Like a childhood trauma or something he was told at a young age, and I think it’s appropriate to explore the issue.”
“Be gentle, tho, because it does seem quite deep-rooted, whatever it is.” ~ LadyWuu
“Definitely sounds like trauma.”
“I would bet money he’s been shamed for the sound and/or splashback from standing up to pee and also had his masculinity insulted for sitting down to pee.”
“My abusive ex-wife did that, so I started going behind my workshop/she’d go in the woods.”
“It was the only way to take back control and avoid intense shame.”
“It was traumatic as a grown man – if it had happened in childhood, that would definitely cause some deep scarring.” ~ TN_Trout_Sniffer
“Years ago, there was a deer.”
“Aby Ann Landers‘s column about this man who would go outside in the backyard to pee instead of using the bathroom.”
“One woman wrote in saying that she and her husband had just bought a house and put up a privacy fence so he could do that.”
“The first night they were settled in the house, she grabbed a roll of toilet paper, walked through the living room with it, and headed for the back door.”
“He asked her what she was doing.”
“She said, ‘Well, if you’re going to do it, so will I.'”
“He never did it again.” ~ Mental-Paramedic9790
“NTA, that’s certainly a strange habit he has.”
“It sounds like there might be a backstory surrounding it, so definitely be nice about it, though, and explain that peeing outside isn’t seen as polite.”
“Also, he’s risking being arrested for public indecency or worse if he’s peeing around other people, especially children.” ~ GrimDarkstar
“NTA, have you asked if he has a problem with restrooms?”
“If I could get away with it, I wouldn’t use most public restrooms either.”
“It’s not impolite to use someone’s restroom, especially if they offer.”
“Sounds like he’s using that as an excuse.” ~ Tired-unicorn-82
Reddit is confused as well, OP.
When you gotta go, you gotta go.
But the outdoors are really for emergency use only.
This may be an issue he needs professional help with.
You’re right to be confused.