Losing a pet is a tough part of life.
The grief can be visceral.
A lot of owners never get over the loss of a pet.
This sort of pain is sometimes not understood by others,
Redditor psyduchessquack wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for asking my girlfriend not to use my late dog as inspiration for art she wants to sell?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m 32 and my G[irl]F[riend] is 28.”
“We’ve been together for a few years now, and we live together.”
“She’s a digital artist and sells her work online.”
“I love that she’s creative and really talented, and her art style is this cute, minimalist vibe that people seem to really like, especially when she draws animals.”
“Anyway, my dog Max passed away about six months ago.”
“He’d been with me since college, so over 10 years, and honestly, he was my B[est] F[riend].”
“Losing him hit me really hard.”
“I’m still not fully over it, and even just seeing photos of him can make me emotional.”
“A few days ago, she showed me a sketch of a dog, and I instantly recognized it as Max.”
“Same little spot over his eye, same posture, even the expression was spot on.”
“I asked if it was supposed to be him, and she said kind of, but also that she was planning to use it in a new collection of pet illustrations she’s going to sell.”
“I told her as calmly and gently as I could that I wasn’t really comfortable with that.”
“It’s not that I don’t appreciate her wanting to include him, but he wasn’t just a random dog.”
“He was family, and I’m still grieving.”
“The idea of seeing his image used in something commercial, even if no one else knows it’s him, feels weird to me.”
“Like he’s being turned into a product.”
“She didn’t take it well.”
“She said I was being controlling, and that as an artist she should be able to draw inspiration from wherever she wants.”
“That it’s just a dog, and I should feel honored she wanted to include him.”
“Now she’s acting distant and says I’m overreacting and being selfish for asking her to change her creative plans over something that, in her words, only I would notice.”
“I don’t control her art, I swear I don’t.”
“Most of the time she doesn’t even show me what she’s working on, other times she shows it and I praise it.”
“She doesn’t ask permission because she doesn’t need it, and it doesn’t make sense to ask for it.”
“She just showed me Max’s drawing.”
“But to me, it’s not just a drawing.”
“It’s Max.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So yeah. AITA for asking my girlfriend not to use my late dog in art she plans to sell?”
- Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. The fact that she described him as ‘just’ a dog is enough to make your girlfriend a major AH.” ~ Educational-Lime-393
“I gasped when I read that!”
“OP, she is not a good person. NTA.” ~ melli_milli
“When I first read it, I was thinking, ‘maybe she was trying to draw a picture of his dog to cheer OP up, and it didn’t land.’ Nope.”
“No good intentions.”
“She decided to use his dog without asking him in her art that she plans to sell, and threw a tantrum when he asked her not to and had the nerve to accuse him of being controlling.”
“She is a complete crybully.” ~ Stucklikegluetomyfry
“Red flags are waving as fast as they can flap.”
“You asked her not to include his picture because it’s hurtful to you.”
“She immediately responded with that you can’t control her, she has the right to, and ‘it’s just a dog.'”
“No, it’s you and your grief. It’s a family member whom you miss desperately.”
“Unless you continually police her choices and she’s making a statement about her feelings and rights mattering too, then she’s telling you that what she wants to do is more important than the hurt it’s causing you.”
“Maybe she doesn’t understand.”
“Maybe she just doesn’t think it’s important to be considerate to you when it conflicts with her wants.”
“Maybe it’s worth discussing with her why she’s so dismissive of your feelings.” ~ Relatents
“There are some red flags here for sure.”
“She does seem really dismissive of your feelings, which is wild for someone who supposedly cares about you.”
“If I’m trying to give her a generous read, is it possible that she has gotten used to you praising her work?”
“Maybe she was expecting you to be really supportive, and because instead you were relatively negative about it, because of the subject matter, she felt hurt and said something to hurt you back?”
“This is about as much of a generous read as I can give, and to be honest, it still doesn’t paint her in a positive light.”
“Even if she felt hurt by a lack of praise, she is not entitled to that at all times.”
“Also, no matter how hurt she might have felt, it in no way justifies what she said.”
“At the very least, you need to talk to her about how hurt you were by what she said and how dismissive she was about your feelings when you expressed that hurt.”
“If she dismisses you again, I would struggle to see how continuing in that relationship would be possible.” ~ tomr2255
“I would have immediately broken up with her; you have patience.”
“She didn’t for one second give one f**k about your grief; she cares more about selling a product.”
“I’ve lost a pup before, and it was tough; no, her reaction isn’t normal, and she’s a selfish person, man.”
“NTA, reconsider if she’s worth being in your life.” ~ Talkingmice
“I agree she doesn’t need to ask your permission normally, but yeah, in this situation, to not even bring it up with you before to see how you would feel about it is insensitive, and her response, which is way out of proportion and defensive, shows she *knows* she’s in the wrong. NTA.” ~ Every-Pepper77
“NTA- I’d dump anyone who called my late or current dog – just a dog.”
“She seems horrifically awful, self-centered, and cold.” ~ Goodcanadiangirl
“As an artist, NTA, your dog is essentially a family member; it’s in poor taste to sell art of an identifying person or animal without the consent of the owner or family.” ~ Successful-Emu-1412
“Someone who loves you would respect your wishes on this.”
“They certainly wouldn’t minimize you, your grief, or your pet by saying that you are overreacting and it’s just a dog.”
“You are NTA.” ~ Otherwise_Mix_3305
“NTA. Dogs are family.”
“If she made artwork of your dead relative and sold it online, it would be weird.”
“The fact that she only showed you the final product means she knew you’d have a problem with it and is aware of it by her reaction.”
“Although she’s within her rights to keep making the artwork, you’re well within your rights to be upset about it.” ~ burritoinfinity
“NTA. She’s putting the issue in terms of ‘rights,’ and it’s actually an issue about your feelings–and she’s trying to dictate what feelings you should have.”
“That’s callous at best and hurtful at worst.”
“This isn’t about her as an artist, but a GF, and she may be a good artist, but she’s being a shi**y GF.”
“The least she could do is wait a while and see if you change your mind (you almost certainly will)–that would be caring.”
“At this point, she’s making it clear she doesn’t care.” ~ hubertburnette
“NTA. That’s a whole other level of lacking sensitivity on her part.”
“I could not personally continue to date someone acting like this much of a jacka**.”
“The fact that she’s emotionally punishing you for expressing your discomfort is vile.” ~ His-Sunshine
“I think NAH, but everyone is overreacting a bit.”
“You’re grieving and understandably emotional.”
“I’m sure in a few weeks/months this exact situation wouldn’t bother you, but things are tough right now.”
“She should understand that you’re grieving and give you some grace for ‘overreacting.’”
“I dunno her past, if she’s easily triggered by being told she can/can’t do something?”
“I think if you have a conversation with her explaining that you’re just extra sensitive right now and you’re hoping you can revisit this discussion in a few weeks/months.” ~ CannibalismIsTight
“NAH. You’re both okay.”
“She’s not wrong to do it, and you’re not wrong to feel a bit violated by it.”
“I do think, given your reaction, she should move or change the spot or something to make it less ‘him.’”
“But probably the expression is what gives the image its authenticity.”
“Sorry for your loss.”
“That’s a hard blow, and I’m sorry you miss your Max 🐾.” ~ TresWhat
“NTA. ‘It’s just a dog.'”
“She could draw another damn dog!”
“She is selfish, and you are NOT being controlling.”
“She wants to take your grief and profit from it.”
“That’s so gross.” ~ EfficientTomorrow533
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your GF is being very callous.
Max and you deserve better.
If you consider Max family, then he was.
She probably wouldn’t appreciate being called ‘just a girlfriend.’
Maybe if she reads this thread, she’ll understand.
RIP Max.