Content Warning: Mentions of Sexual Harassment and Assault, Consent, Predatory Behavior
No one ever wants to think about this possibility, but individuals who do not respect others’ boundaries, physically or romantically, are related to someone. They are someone’s parent, sibling, cousin, or child.
And sometimes, instead of facing the harmful behaviors, family will try to brush their problematic family member’s history under the rug, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Few-Stage-4786 went to visit her boyfriend’s family for the first time since they’d started dating, and strangely, her boyfriend’s parents expected her to share a room with her boyfriend’s brother instead of sleeping with him or sleeping alone.
But when her boyfriend’s brother made suggestive comments, and her boyfriend did nothing to defend her, the Original Poster (OP) questioned what could be in the future for her if she stayed in this relationship.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting if I break up with my boyfriend over him defending his younger brother?”
The OP went to visit her boyfriend’s family home for the first time.
“I (20 Female) and my boyfriend (21 Male), Jake, have been together for a little over a year now.”
“But something happened yesterday that put me off.”
“I love this man to death. He is kind, funny, and genuinely a good person.”
“We are visiting his parents for the first time since we’ve been dating, because they live across the country. Our flight landed two days ago, we met up with his parents, and at first, everything seemed lovely.”
“We hugged, they bought me a gift, and everything was going lovely, except for one thing, which looking back now, was quite odd. They refused to let us room together.”
“They said while under their roof, I would take the guest bedroom, and he would take his old one, which I was fine with.”
“Then yesterday morning, Jake’s younger brother (19 Male), Randy, arrived. I was not aware Randy was coming, but I was okay with it.”
The visit continued to get stranger as it went on.
“Then at dinner, Jake’s parents kept going on and on about how great Randy was, saying how he was pre-med at Brown and got in on a full scholarship.”
“Now, I have no problem with them bragging about him, but then things went to h**l.”
“Randy started flexing and licking his lips in my direction. Yes, physically licking his lips.”
“This made me very uncomfortable, and when I brought it up to Jake after dinner, he blew me off, saying Randy was just getting to know me.”
“I told him that was fine, but I still didn’t feel comfortable around him.”
“One thing led to another, and we had a small argument.”
Randy continued to make the OP uncomfortable throughout the visit.
“Later on, while we were watching a movie, I went into the kitchen to get more popcorn, and Randy followed me.”
“I tensed at being alone in a room with him, and he moved beside me and asked if I went to the gym.”
“I tried to be civil and told him I did, and he responded that he likes a muscular woman.”
“I said very plainly that I was in love with Jake and left the kitchen.”
But then Randy crossed a line.
“When I went up to my room for the night, I just wanted to sleep. But then Randy walked in behind me.”
“I asked what the h**l he thought he was doing, and he said he was rooming with me.”
“I told him that I didn’t feel comfortable with that, and he said, ‘Too bad, sweets, you’re stuck with me.'”
“I walked out, went to Jake’s room, and asked if he would be willing to let Randy room with him. Jake told me he could try, but no promises. Turns out Randy hates Jake’s snoring (he has never snored) and absolutely can’t sleep with him.”
“So I simply decided to sleep on the couch downstairs.”
“When I woke up this morning, Randy was sitting across from me, just staring at me. I asked him how long he had been there, and he said a while.”
“I asked him why, and he said he liked seeing me so defenseless and innocent.”
“I asked him if he was f**king serious and yelled that he was a f**king creep and that he should just wait until I tell Jake.”
But Jake did nothing to defend the OP against his younger brother.
“I stormed up to Jake’s room and told him what happened, and he told me that that was just Randy and I needed to let it go.”
“I blew my top, which, looking back, was a bad move on my part, and I just ended up escalating the whole thing without resolving anything.”
“Things were said, names were called, and I ended up in a hotel. I am writing this, lying awake and spiraling.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that she deserved a boyfriend who would support her when she felt uncomfortable, not defend the person who crossed her boundaries.
“Nope, end it. He’s making excuses for his brother’s creepy behavior, and you deserve better than that, and we all know you know that.” – tayrenea_
“‘I love this man to death. He is kind, funny, and genuinely a good person.'”
“Whenever a sentence like this comes up, I know for d**n sure I’m about to read the most unhinged s**t possible.”
“Looks like I wasn’t wrong. You were gaslighted so hard, you almost got hurt. Get out before you actually do.” – VirusZealousideal72
“NOR. His brother is a predator, and your boyfriend protects his actions. RUN, don’t walk…” – Owanjila92
“Yeah, you under-reacted if anything.”
“The moment he tried to ‘room’ with you? If I were you, I would’ve flipped the f**k out, because what the f**k is this s**t? Some random dude I’ve never met before is now going to ‘sleep’ in the same room as me? I think the f**k not.”
“And the fact that your man, didn’t say, do or in any way stand up for you, to his creepy, gross a** little weirdo brother is a major red flag, because he’s either afraid of the brother or he’s just utterly f**king spineless when it comes to his parents, since they obviously prefer Randy, so he just lays down like a dog, to not upset the golden child.”
“Either way, I would NEVER feel safe with him again, no matter if Randy was around or not, because the moment Randy is around, you know your man will shrink and shrivel up if he ever had to stand up for you.”
“What a f**king loser.” – Several-Nobody3748
“NOR at all. Personally, I would be cutting that whole family off. The brother is a complete creep, and your boyfriend is useless. He should have called his brother at the start.”
“And why would the brother be rooming with you? Doesn’t he have his own room? What do the parents have to say in all this? Dump the boyfriend and get yourself home.” – Affectionate-Care332
A few pointed out that this dynamic was created by what appeared to be a toxic family.
“Why would his parents be okay with you sharing a room with a strange man? Not your boyfriend but his BROTHER. That makes zero sense. It’s creepy. NOR.” – Exotic-Knowledge-243
“From the sounds of his family dynamic, your boyfriend is used to being an afterthought to his parents, as his brother is obviously the golden child and can do no wrong in his parents’ eyes.”
“He has just become so used to acquiescing to the power dynamic that I’m afraid that may never change, possibly to a dangerous degree. I hope you leave; good luck.” – MjMcWesty
“They were setting her up so that her boyfriend’s brother could get with her or maybe even take what doesn’t belong to him. That s**t was a setup because your boyfriend didn’t show enough concern.”
“Does he always bring home girls and let his brother sleep in the room with them? This is some creeptacular bulls**t.” – leolawilliams5859
“It sounds like the parents were hyping up the brother, trying to get her to get with him instead. Regardless, OP needs to ditch the whole group.”
“Why would anyone be ok with someone making moves on their partner, especially if said partner is uncomfortable with it? Gross.” – aPawMeowNyation
“That’s one creepy as f**k family. Straight outta a horror novel. They are all a**holes.”
“It’s amazing how blind they are to reality. That’s how sickos are made.” – quantam-foam
Others were concerned about what other behaviors the boyfriend might excuse if the OP didn’t break up with him.
“Never be alone with his brother. I personally would want to break up with the boyfriend since he dismissed your feelings and defended his creepy brother.”
“Your boyfriend thinks that behavior is okay when it very much isn’t okay.”
“NOR.” – gdognoseit
“F**k that s**t! You need to get out of there before creepy Randy does something truly awful!”
“Ewwwww to your boyfriend’s comments… Stay in the hotel and get home as soon as you can, without your unsupportive loser boyfriend.” – Up_and_down_and_all
“I’m usually not on the ‘end it immediately’ bandwagon, but in this case, the flags are all red.”
“Kinda feels like Jake’s parents had this sick little fiasco planned from the beginning. From Jake’s flaccid reaction, he may have been privy to the plan, or at least far too weak-willed to put his foot down.”
“Randy sounds like a predator. The family seems to know this and support it fully. Run, OP.” – evil_moron
“Someday, Randy is going to hurt someone. Your gut feelings are your guardian angels, and you did the right thing.”
“I’m a father to a daughter a few years younger than you, and I hope she’s as smart as you. Leave him and run. Sad but that’s an unrecoverable situation.” – moodlemouth
“You are severely under-reacting. If your boyfriend won’t stand up to his brother, because his brother is the golden child, he is also not a safe person for you.”
“Not only is he not, but his parents aren’t either. At this point, I’d be contacting the airline and changing my flight to go home as soon as possible.”
“I would not go back to that house, and I would not entertain anything more from this relationship. Cut, run, and be safe, OP.” – trvllvr
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update in the comments.
“Thank you to everyone who has commented so far. I am devastated.”
“I read through the texts my boyfriend sent after I left, trying to piece everything together, and he said that he fell out of love with me and was trying to use this trip to set me up with Randy.”
“Looking back, there were signs. He stopped getting me flowers; he stayed out later; and we were less affectionate.”
“His parents had told him that Randy had recently broken off with his partner, and that was the reason they wanted me to room with him. I assume he was more overzealous than creepy, or at least I hope.”
“I looked for the cheapest flights possible and found one for tomorrow morning.”
The subReddit was alarmed and thoroughly creeped out by Randy’s behavior and the boyfriend’s willingness to overlook it. Hopefully, the OP would see booking that hotel room and the follow-up flight as a clean break, and she’d be treated much better in a future relationship.