We sometimes find ourselves unexpectedly needing to part with a prized or valued possession, sometimes by choice, but always by necessity.
Making this unexpected ordeal somewhat easier is that we were able to hand off this possession to someone we know and trust.
Of course, down the line we might discover that these friends might not have treated our former possession with the care and respect we hoped they would.
Unfortunately, there's nothing we can really do, as we are no longer the owners.
Redditor Old-SchoolPrincess found a new friend through a common interest.
Over time, the original poster (OP)'s friend felt she needed some distance from this shared interest and went on to sell some items to the OP.
Their friendship came to a seeming end, however, when the OP's friend saw what she did with these items after taking possession of them.
Wondering if she did anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA For altering 'my friend's' rare clothes?"
The OP explained why they may have lost a friend after making alterations to some clothes:
"I (19F) am in the Lolita fashion community."
"For those not in the comm, most dresses are often made in a single size or with very limited range."
"Like mainstream fashion, trends cycle and the community has seen a massive surge in the popularity of 'old-school; Lolita (clothes produced between the 1990s ~ 2007) over the last few years."
"Because these vintage pieces are scarce and highly sought after, they are horrendously overpriced on the secondhand market."
"In the community, I met Ann (27 F[emale])."
"We quickly became best friends, bonding over shared interests outside of Lolita and hanging out irl many times."
"Ann has been in the community for years and has an enormous dress collection with rare and undocumented pieces, and helped me create my very first coord."
"Ann fits standard Lolita sizing without needing any alterations, whereas I am just a few centimeters larger in areas where weight loss is impossible, meaning my only option to wear these clothes comfortably is through altering."
"A few months ago, Ann sent me a text announcing she was leaving the fashion for private reasons and selling her entire wardrobe."
"Knowing how much I adored her collection and understanding my financial situation as a struggling student with no steady income, she offered me a deal on a massive bundle of dresses and accessories for a fraction of their market value."
"She insisted it was her gift to me as her best friend."
"Even though I repeatedly tried to offer her a higher price, she refused every attempt, saying she wanted me to have them."
"The package arrived shortly after, and I was ecstatic."
"During our conversations, I mentioned looking for a seamstress to adjust the fit."
"While she recommended a few Lolita seamstresses, I ultimately decided to use a local one."
"We didn't speak for a while until a few days ago when Ann messaged me out of the blue, asking if I still had the dresses she 'lent' me."
"I told her that I bought them. I also let her know that: I had kept most of them, traded one and sold two others."
"Ann was visibly unhappy by this, but then revealed why she asked - she regretted leaving the fashion, wanted to return, and wanted her dresses back."
"I told her that while I owned them now, I can sell them back."
"She agreed, but asked for photos to see their condition, (it felt rude? As if she wasn't trusting me that I took good care of her former wardrobe)."
"I sent the photos, and after some time she asked if I modified them."
"When I said that I had altered most of them, she exploded."
"Ann began sending insults to me, even bringing up my insecurities like my appearance, weight, and remarks about my family's financial situation."
"She threatened to call the police and tell people that I scammed her."
"I broke down in tears, kept apologizing, and offered to return the dresses to her for free, yet she continued sending messages."
"When I asked my friends, they were on my side, and my mom urged me to have a backbone, block her or ignore her."
"But, I still feel so, so bad..."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for altering the clothes Ann sold her.
Everyone agreed that even if Ann viewed the clothes as a "gift", the OP paid for them, making them her property and allowing her to do whatever she wanted with them:
"'My mom urged me to have a backbone, block her or ignore her;."
"NTA."
"Please listen to your mom."
'Anna didn't lend them to you, she gifted sold it."- National-Report-5473
"NTA."
"Once she gave them to you they became your property, meaning you’re free to do whatever you want with them."
"Plus, if she didn’t want you to alter the dresses, she should have said so when you told her you were looking for a seamstress."
"This sounds like seller’s regret to me."- cablemanagement1
"NTA."
"Good grief."
"Save the messages and block her."
"Anyone that would do what she's doing is disturbed and the best thing you can do is eliminate all avenues of communication."- MountainHappy
"NTA."
'And girl! Stop letting her stomp all over you!!!!"
"You have nothing to apologize for."
"And let her call the police, you have the conversations and proof right?"
"Let this girl make a fool of herself."
"Have some self love and self respect."
"Block her."
"Don't be a doormat."
"Stop crying, don't give her the dress, you bought them."
"You BOUGHT THEM."
"Don't let her bully you and trick you."
"You are a beautiful person who deserve respect."
"Don't fall for her bit."- WildsFan47
"NTA."
"Block her."
"You bought the dresses, they are yours to do what you wish to them."
"Let her call the police and file a fictitious report."
"You've done nothing wrong."- ThrowRABake
"NTA."
"Your mom & friends are right."
"Once a gift is given (or, in this case, paid for), it's game over."
"Your friend needs to grow up."- NeffAnnBlossom4eva
"NTA."
"She's not very bright."- DrTeethPhD
"NTA."
"Under the circumstances, I'd have been inclined to return the favor and keep a few pieces worth what you paid her plus one or two more for the trouble."
"But she proved to be unworthy of that consideration when she personally insulted you."
"Keep the correspondence and the payment records just in case."
"But she is no longer your friend."
"She shouldn't be taking her regret out on you."- Thatrebornincognito
"OP read this very carefully."
"You did nothing wrong."
"You are not in the wrong."
"You are not the a**hole."
"Ann sold those to you."
"Even if you hadn't told her that you would have them altered it would make no difference."
"They are now yours to do with as you wish."
"If you had decided to make them into table cloths it would make no difference."
"Ann having a change of heart is an Ann problem."
"She had sellers remorse and is now showing you what a nasty person she really is.
"Don't you dare give her anything, don't give her the clothes back, don't sell them back to her and don't apologize again for doing what you wanted to your own property."
"Block her and wear those clothes proudly."
"NTA."- Ok-Isopod1172
"NTA."
"You did nothing wrong with your property and she is lashing out because she made a mistake."- Jusbuster
"NTA!"
"You bought them from her and offered her more than she wanted you pay and declined."
"She doesn't get to suddenly change her mind and demand them back and make you feel bad about it!"
"Keep them and block her!"
"Your mom is right, grow a backbone!"- Anxious_Monitor1671
"Block her."
"That is no friend."
"NTA."- QBee_TNToms_Mom
"NTA."
"It sucks she has regrets but she nuked the friendship over it."
"Also somewhere in storage I have my one singular pink BTSSB OP from 2004ish that I never knew what to do with after I gave up on the fashion fitting me properly."
"This gives me hope that someone will want it someday, even though it's pretty basic and has some flaws."
"Off topic but I'd love to know what space the community mostly uses these days (RIP live journal)."- Rappig
Had Ann "lent" the OP those clothes, this would be an entirely different story.
But Ann didn't lend them; she sold them to the OP at a discounted price, by her own choosing.
Even if she views the discounted price as a "gift", the OP purchasing those clothes nonetheless made those dresses her personal property.
Allowing her to use them as she saw fit, including making alterations.
