When it comes to planning our birthday, it would seem a given that we should get to choose exactly how we want to celebrate it.
That being said, many people do take into account what the people they want to celebrate their birthday with might be interested in or available to do.
Then, too, other people might offer suggestions, which they think the birthday celebrant and their friend circle will enjoy.
As opposed to those who offer suggestions that are considerably less thoughtful.
Redditor Nordman6969 knew exactly what he wanted to do for his upcoming birthday celebration.
Unfortunately, their idea didn't appeal at all to the girlfriend of the original poster (OP)'s brother, both of whom said they would skip the festivities if the OP moved forward with his intended plans.
When the OP tried to offer an alternative, their brother only grew more offended, even going so far as to call the OP "selfish".
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole", where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for wanting to go on a hike for my birthday even though my brother's girlfriend doesn't want to?"
The OP explained why his desired birthday plans ended up putting him at odds with his family:
'I (26 M[ale]) want to celebrate my birthday with my immediate family (my parents, siblings, and their partners)."
'My idea was to do a 6-mile (10 km) beginner-friendly hike and then have dinner together afterward."
"The problem is my brother's girlfriend."
"For context, she used to be morbidly obese and, for many years, wasn't able to be very physically active."
"Because of that, for the past five years I've always chosen birthday activities that didn't involve much walking or exercise so everyone could participate."
"I never complained about it because I understood her situation."
"About a year and a half ago, she underwent weight-loss surgery and has since lost a significant amount of weight."
"She is now at a healthy weight."
"However, she still doesn't like walking or hiking."
"Over the past several months, she has said multiple times that she finds walking boring and doesn't really see the point of it."
"She says that her body is still adjusting after the surgery, and I don't doubt that this may be true to some extent."
"At the same time, based on what she's said herself, my personal impression is that the bigger issue is simply that she doesn't enjoy walking or other activities that involve a lot of movement, rather than being physically unable to do them."
"The hike I planned is specifically meant for beginners."
"It's about 6 miles long, mostly flat, and has plenty of places to sit, rest, get food, or even stop early if needed."
"When I suggested it, my brother immediately told me that neither he nor his girlfriend would come if I chose that activity."
"I said I completely understood and offered a compromise: those who wanted to go on the hike could do so, while anyone who didn't want to could skip it, relax elsewhere, and then everyone could meet afterward for dinner at a restaurant."
"My brother got angry and called me selfish and egotistical."
"He said I was deliberately excluding his girlfriend and that I should be more considerate."
"Now my mother has gotten involved and is also pressuring me to change my birthday plans so that my brother's girlfriend can participate."
"I even offered to shorten the hike, but since then I've basically been ghosted."
"I genuinely don't want to exclude anyone."
"At the same time, I feel like I've spent years choosing activities that accommodated one person, and for my own birthday I'd like to do something I actually enjoy."
"So, AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP would not be the a**hole if they went through with their planned birthday hike.
Everyone agreed that the OP gave everyone the perfect alternative if they didn't want to join him on the hike, and it was the OP's family who were being selfish for forcing the OP to do something he didn't want to do for his birthday:
"Go on the hike yourself. Nobody seems to prioritize you."
"NTA."- BlueberryOk3969
"NTA."
"Go on the hike with friends then do dinner with your family."
"It’s YOUR birthday, do what you want."
"You’re not even excluding her, she’s excluding herself."- Zadsta
"NTA."
"It’s valid for people to not want to go on a six mile hike, but it’s also valid for you to want to."
"Meeting up later for dinner is a completely fair option."- Hail-to-the-Sheep
"First. 6 miles is NOT a beginner friendly hike."
"That statement is wrong. I know plenty of people who could do this and many who cannot."
"Not everyone is ready to walk 6 miles straight."
"I’m assuming you’re saying this is beginning level because you know this level of activity is common for your family?'
"NTA for wanting to do what you want to do for your birthday."
'You did offer to shorten the hike which was a very reasonable compromise."
'You ensured they knew she was still invited for the dinner afterwards."- allergymom74
"NTA."
"Birthday 'activities' are not usually a thing that everyone has to participate in together."
"You can just plan a dinner with your family."
"That is the birthday party."
"Also you are going hiking that day, by yourself or with anyone who wants to join you."
"It’s not a birthday party."- StrawberriKiwi22
"That sounded like a fair compromise to me."
"NTA."- Fluffy_Dragonfruit_4
"NTA."
"No one should get to dictate what someone else wants to do on their birthday."
"You're not insisting they come, you offered to do dinner with them afterwards anyway."
"Calling someone selfish while insisting they accommodate you on their birthday seems ridiculous to me."- Raddatatta
"NTA."
"But I find it interesting that you find 10km a beginner hike."
"It 100% isn't a beginner hike."
"A true beginner hike is 2-5k no more."
"For you 10k is easy, for me 10k is easy but I would never call it 'beginner' for someone who doesn't hike."
"They can meet you for dinner afterwards."- grapefruitviolin
"NTA."
"You offered a compromise but that wasn't good enough for them."
"It is your birthday, do what you want. If you want to hike without them, do that."
"You aren't meant to try and accommodate everyone else on your birthday."- Impressive_Moment786
"NTA."
"It's your birthday."- Puzzleheaded_Home_30
"NTA."
"You compromised and if she doesn't want to take it that's on her."
"If the rest of your family is ghosting you because of the activity you want to do for YOUR birthday, just cancel with them and go with friends instead, it's like peer-pressure to change your decision."- FindingFit6035
"NTA."
"But realistically, six miles is about 2 hrs of walking."
"That’s a lot for someone who doesn’t walk regularly."
"Six miles is a beginner hiker level."
"Go on your hike with any friends that want to join you, then meet up with your family later."
"Your brother and his girlfriend are T A for expecting you to change your plans and calling you out for not doing so."
"They have the right to say, 'no thank you, we’ll meet up with you after'.”
"And just leave it at that."- SamBartlett1776
"NTA."
"Hiking is not fun for everyone."
"It's something you do as a hobby not as a celebration."
"Your family are all trying to tell you they don't want to go but they do want to celebrate you."
"Go hike with the people you know love it too."
"Enjoy that part of your day with them."
"Meet the family later for dinner and drinks."
"Never cater on YOUR day to others though."
"It is YOUR day so you re NTA."- Farticus-Rex
"NTA."
"They can just skip the hike?"
"I don't see what their problem is?"
"This is a non-issue."- blondetourage83
"NTA."
"It’s your birthday, you should do what YOU want."- SilentCanopy
"NTA."
"You gave a decent compromise, now they expect you to be the only one to actually compromise, and by compromise I mean not do what you actually want on your birthday to appease to grown adults."
"Tell them you will be hiking, those who want to are welcome, and you'll meet everyone else for dinner."
"Also include that if this incident is why people won't be attending that you'll need to examine your relationship with them as it evidently isn't healthy if two people who want to make your birthday about themselves are going to be so readily appeased."- Hoplite68
A six-mile hike might not be enticing to everyone.
That being said, if the OP wants to do a birthday hike, he should be able to do that.
Especially since, from the way he speaks, it doesn't sound like he's been able to choose exactly what he wants to do on his own birthday for quite some time.
