Weddings really can bring out the worst in people.
Some people see the event as a reason to air all of their petty grievances or letting jealousy sabotage the day.
A woman turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a conflict with her sister over their weddings.
Goldencain1410 asked:
“AITA for telling my sister I don’t care when she gets married?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (35, female) just celebrated my anniversary, and my sister (38, female) ‘Kayla’ is still mad about a fight we had right before my wedding. I would love to know who’s the a**hole.”
“Kayla was married at 23 and divorced at 30. She got a new boyfriend pretty much immediately after the papers were finalized, and they’ve been together ever since.”
“Kayla always said the divorce was so hard, she would never marry again, and her boyfriend seemed fine with that.”
“When my husband and I started talking about marriage, we told our families. Everyone gave their blessing, including my sister.”
“I don’t like surprises, so my husband revealed he was going to propose at my birthday party, which was near Valentine’s Day. I told my 4 future bridesmaids, including my sister, in case they wanted to witness the proposal.”
“A week before my party, Kayla surprised the family by announcing her boyfriend had proposed Christmas Day. We thought it was a little odd for a couple reasons: 1) she was so vocally against a second marriage, 2) she bought her own ring.”
“BUT, people change their minds all the time, and it doesn’t matter who bought the ring if they’re happy. We congratulated her and let it be.”
“The oddness continued after my husband proposed and we started planning our wedding. My sister HATED all our choices—from our theme (autumn) to invitations (gold and cream)—but especially my dress.”
“I didn’t wear pure white because I got married in my 30s, and it felt silly to do the Blushing Virgin shtick at my big age. According to Kayla, this was mortifying and shameful.”
“Which was weird, considering she was pregnant with my nephew/showing when she walked down the aisle, and no one said a word.”
“The real issue happened about a month before my wedding. Kayla called me out of nowhere and said, ‘Hey, would you care if I got married before you?’ I said, ‘No, that’s fine. You got engaged first, after all. Go for it’.”
“Then Kayla said, ‘But what if we got married really close to your wedding day? Would that bother you?’.”
“I had a million people to call that day, including the caterers and the bakery, so I simply said, ‘Sis, I don’t care when you get married. Go down to the courthouse an hour before the ceremony and get married on the exact same day if you like. Just be dressed and at the venue by 3 PM, and I’ll be the happiest bride ever’.”
“Kayla started screaming that it was SO RUDE of me to say I ‘don’t care’ about her wedding. I said that’s not what I meant, but she hung up on me and told the family her version.”
“I still get sh*t from our aunts for something I didn’t mean. Now, it’s a year later, and my sister is threatening to not invite me to her wedding—which still hasn’t happened.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I might be the a**hole because I quite literally told my sister I don’t care when she gets married.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“She’s upset that her attempt at creating drama fizzled out into nothingness with that comment of yours. NTA.” ~ Future-Crazy-CatLady
“It reminded me of my sister (adult at the time) having a screaming meltdown at our mother because I was tired of her trying to pick fights and decided to walk around town aimlessly a majority of my days to avoid her.”
“She was yelling that mom needed to keep me in the house so she could speak (pick fights) with me and was then infuriated when I told them both I was moving out the day after my 18th birthday (~1 month later).”
“She has untreated BPD + bipolar disorder and once told me straight to my face that she doesn’t feel loved unless she’s fighting with at least 1 person in her life, so me setting boundaries was the emotional equivalent of setting her ablaze.”
“Moving out at the time backfired, but I was eventually able to go no contact. She still tried provoking me by leaking information about my cross-country move to our abusive dad, which just resulted in her informant (mom) also getting cut off.”
“She’s probably still spiraling nearly 2 years later, which is equal parts hilarious and embarrassing.” ~ NotAQueefAKhaleesi
“NTA. She wanted to fight with you… she needed that drama badly. You didn’t engage at first, so she resorted to ‘misunderstand’ you.” ~ Kristmaus
“NTA. It sounds like she’s just trying to pick a fight with you. She kept asking follow-up questions that were increasingly offensive, until it became clear to her that she couldn’t offend you, at which point she herself took offense to your refusal to be offended.” ~ SomeoneYouDontKnow70
“Firstly, NTA. You seem way more reasonable than I think most people would be with their sister deliberately trying to sabotage their wedding. Or, at the very least, steal some of the spotlight.”
“Your sister clearly has some issues around marriage, but they aren’t yours to deal with. She’s a grown woman who is acting like a** because she is jealous.”
“Doubt her second marriage is going to last long if it is built on upstaging you.” ~ gutterghouls
“NTA-She was looking for another opportunity to be the center of attention because she probably wasn’t getting it for her engagement, so she found another one.” ~ Victor-Grimm
“NTA. It honestly sounds like she was trying to upset you, and she was upset that it wasn’t working.” ~ Nydus_The_Nexus
“Your sister has main character syndrome so strong that it is blinding me. She hates indifference and being ignored.”
“That’s what I’d do. I’d ignore anything and anyone trying to give me sh*t for something clearly taken out of context. How childish.” ~ pseudolin
“NTA. Is this a joke? Her attempts to create drama are laughably obvious.”
“Don’t roll in the mud. Ignore her drama. Pretend it never happened. When you go to or host family events, talk to her normally, like it never happened.”
“If she’s on social media, engage with her pleasantly for all to see. Send her, her child, and her fiancé gifts and greetings for holidays.”
“If the whole family sees you behaving well, they’ll get tired of her $hit stirring and ignore her tantrum as well. Rise above.” ~ Throw_Away4158
“NTA. Your sister wants this to be a competition, and you weren’t letting it turn into one. So she created drama by twisting your words.”
“Simply repeat that while you may have worded it carelessly by saying ‘I don’t care’ what you meant was that ‘I have no say on your wedding and won’t stand in the way of your choices’. You want Kayla to be happy and support whatever wedding choices she makes that make her happy.”
“You are taking the high road. You are taking responsibility for your part of the drama (however unintentional and twisted by someone else) and then showing all the love and support that would have been expected from a sister.”
“Kayla, by contrast, has been b*tchy about your choices and is the one trying to cause problems. Most people will eventually see through her.”
“She wants the competition. You don’t have to let it be one.” ~ Front_Refuse7414
“NTA. Your sister really overreacted. I agree with others that her behavior indicated she just wanted to start a fight with you. Maybe it stems from jealousy, especially if her boyfriend isn’t actually ready to get married.” ~ HelenAngel
“NTA and in all of her huffing and puffing about her marriage, where was her support for yours? Your sister seems a little spoiled, yeah?”
“I mean, she called right in the middle of planning your wedding, expecting you to just drop what you’re doing and focus all eyes on her when, from what I gathered in your post, she wasn’t even planning hers yet.”
“Just asking you questions. Like, had invitations for hers even gone out yet? It’s unfortunate, but I support your stance of ‘whatever is whatever. I got married and am happy’.” ~ slap-a-frap
“NTA…she was looking for a fight. Don’t give her one. Tell your relatives to mind their own business. Make her eat her words by really not caring.” ~ RoyallyOakie
“She wanted to steal your light and upset you in the process, but she didn’t succeed, so now she’s changing gears, but still creating drama.”
“Your sister is clearly envious of your relationship with your husband, so beware. Next tim,e she might plan something to destroy your relationship with your husband.” ~ Asleep-Jelly-433
“Dear God in Heaven. No, you’re not the a**hole. Your sister, on the other hand, has some serious issues.”
“Said issues started with announcing she got engaged just after you announced that your now husband was going to propose to you.”
“Your family is also a piece of work. That they would side with your sister before even asking is also pretty crappy.”
“So no, you’re not the a**hole. Your sister? Well, since there can only be one a**hole here, and you’re not it…” ~ cottonmercer666
OP is happily married.
She needs to realize her sister’s issues are her sister’s problem.