It’s important to practice cleanliness throughout the process of preparing a meal, including washing your hands, avoiding cross-contamination, and not adding unnecessary germs to a dish, like by double-dipping a spoon.
Some families are less worried than others about sharing serving spoons, but it’s important in relationships to respect each other’s boundaries, even if their families taught them differently, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor ZookeepergameOld7322 was not comfortable with taste-testing a meal and then using that utensil again to continue cooking, at least not without washing it first.
His girlfriend, on the other hand, didn’t see a problem with it, and she argued that her entire family felt the same way about it.
When she repeatedly taste-tested a meal while cooking, despite him asking her not to, the Original Poster (OP) decided to make a point by refusing to eat the meal that had her germs in it.
He asked the sub:
“Am I the a**hole for not eating the food after my gf eats out of the bowl with the same spoon while preparing?”
The OP was grossed out by one of his girlfriend’s repeated habits in the kitchen.
“I (25 Male) was having dinner with my girlfriend (23 Female) last night, and she was preparing a salad.”
“As I was grilling the chicken, she was repeatedly eating out of the salad bowl with a spoon and putting it back in the bowl, mixing around and such.”
“This is a common thing that we’ve talked about before. I find it gross and bad manners to eat out of serving dishes and put your used utensil back into the serving dish that other people are expected to eat out of. Her family does it for almost every dish, and if I see it, it grosses me out.”
“I once again asked her to stop or to make herself a bowl and eat out of that, rather than the community dish.”
“She got bent out of shape and dismissed my concern, so I ignored it and carried on cooking the chicken.”
The OP decided it was time to make a point.
“When it came time to eat, she tried to serve me salad (with the same spoon she was eating off), and I politely declined.”
“She then started pestering me about why I wasn’t taking any, repeatedly.”
“In attempts to prevent a fight, I continued to cop out, saying that I was just not in the mood for salad and other excuses.”
“When she kept pressuring me, I reiterated my concern that her reusing her dirty spoon in the bowl turned me off from eating it.”
“She then played the victim about how she spent so much time preparing it for me, and she said that I was being dramatic. She then left me with, if you don’t like that, you would’ve hated to watch me make the rice,’ which I had already eaten and now made me feel unsettled.”
The OP couldn’t shake that grossed-out feeling.
“I was extremely frustrated in this situation, because I feel like it’s a valid concern and general manners to not repeatedly eat from a dish others are going to eat from.”
“Furthermore, I felt in a position to be forced into eating something that grossed me out just to validate her feelings while disregarding mine.”
“I’m not bent out over a bite with a clean spoon, or cutting off and nibbling on little pieces of dinner while preparing dishes. I just get grossed out by dirty, wet utensils being mixed around into the clean, prepared food everyone is going to eat from.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that they did not like the idea of double-dipping, either.
“I’m married, and I still don’t enjoy using my wife’s cutlery, glass, or theoretical used utensils in fresh food. That’s just not something we share.” – StringTheory
“Do you share toothbrushes? Because this is akin to that. You’ll never change my mind on this, and that’s okay. People can disagree.”
“He can say he won’t eat out of containers of food she’s eaten out of, and that is an okay boundary to have.” – Prestigious-Leg-6244
“NTA. I get that people are saying that you kiss her, so you shouldn’t mind, BUT I think it’s just bad manners in general to be putting your used spoon back in a shared bowl.”
“OP mentioned that her family does it too, which is where his girlfriend learned it from, so does that mean OP should be okay with eating at his girlfriend’s family’s house knowing that most likely her parents do that too?”
“Also, what if the girlfriend is one of your friends, not your partner, and she has to bring a dish to a potluck, then of course no one wants her spit to be in the dish. Anyways, my point is it’s just not a good habit to have, no matter who is doing it.” – _merriki
“It’s called boundaries. Just because you choose to share some bodily fluids during sex doesn’t mean you choose to share all bodily fluids, and also doesn’t mean you like sharing bodily fluids all the time.”
“Do you share your toothbrush with your partner? There are also many things in sex that some people are uncomfortable with, such as no tongue in mouth, not going down, or not going down all the time.”
“OP said very clearly they’re not comfortable eating out of the prep bowl. That’s not some unreasonable thing either. Guests would also expect that.”
“There’s nothing technical here, people are allowed to have personal preferences and boundaries and different standards of hygiene.” – nomnommish
“I am somebody that is utterly grossed out by sharing utensils. I don’t know why, I just am. I don’t mind sharing food but bring your own fork/spoon.”
“I love my husband. I love kissing him. But if he wants a bit of my food, he knows to use his own fork or grab a knife and cut a piece off. He doesn’t get offended. He doesn’t take it personally. It is just something that I don’t like, and he takes the extra step to accommodate that because he loves me. And I greatly appreciate him for it.”
“I think OP’s girlfriend is gross for going back to the salad bowl with the same spoon, and I wouldn’t eat a single thing she cooked ever again. I understand others think that’s extreme, and that’s fine. If it doesn’t bother you, good for you. But it bothers him, and she should stop because to keep doing it is rude and hurtful.” – wavesnfreckles
Others pointed out that the most important detail here was that the OP asked his girlfriend not to do this, and yet, his girlfriend insisted on doing it anyway.
“OK… here’s the thing… in our house, we share food all the time. I mean, do you kiss her? Same germs.”
“However, you have asked her to NOT eat out of a serving bowl, and she blatantly ignored you. THAT is inconsiderate and rude.” – aitch54
“NTA. This was something he went out of his way to stress to her he does not like, and it makes him not want to eat the food, she then not only continued to do it but then copped an attitude.”
“She doesn’t like being called out for gross food practices? OP doesn’t like eating spit and backwash food.”
“It’s worse that he says her whole family does this, even if they’re cooking for guests; that’s just barbaric.” – OddDC_ed
“It’s stupid that people are framing this as something that OP needs to justify or rationalize, saying they ‘don’t understand’ or his complaint ‘doesn’t make sense.’ Get the f**k outta here with that childish, bullying-mindset bulls**t.”
“Just like things that scare you, things that gross you out aren’t always fully rational. It doesn’t make it any less s**tty for somebody to use that against you after you’ve asked them not to. You shouldn’t have to justify it.”
“If they can’t do the thing you asked them not to do, especially when it’s a perfectly normal thing to not to want somebody to do, maybe you shouldn’t be together.” – oditogre
“I’ve dated people who wanted to share toothbrushes and razor blades. I said, ‘No thanks.'”
“Overall, OP’s situation isn’t a big deal. But you can be OK with intimacy (e.g., kissing) and not be comfortable with other things, and that’s OK.” – youvelookedbetter
“He asked her not to. It’s common courtesy to do a little thing like this to make your partner feel more comfortable. She easily could have gotten herself a separate bowl of salad while waiting for dinner if she was too hungry to wait.” – eevren
The subReddit was thoroughly grossed out by the OP’s story and understood why he was grossed out by his girlfriend’s behavior. But the worst problem wasn’t the fact that she double-dipped; it was that she knew the OP didn’t want her to do it and did it anyway.
If double-dipping a spoon was too much to respect, what other boundaries would she inevitably push?