We are taught by our parents from a very young age to "use our words."
However, sometimes words might hurt far more than being kicked or hit.
Those with a strong constitution can hide their pain and be the bigger person in these unfortunate situations.
That being said, no one has complete control over their emotions; some have far less control than others.
The daughter-in-law (DIL) of Redditor Throwaway_Will4940 was not particularly skilled at hiding her emotions.
At a recent social gathering, some unkind remarks by a fellow guest truly set her off.
However, the original poster (OP) felt she had overreacted and wasn't afraid to say so.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my DIL to stop crying after she got called fat?"
The OP explained why they more or less told their DIL that she needed to get a grip:
"My DIL is a very sensitive soul, to put it lightly."
"She will end up in tears at basically any pushback or any slightly rude remark."
"It can be extremely frustrating because anything brought up will end up with her in tears and you looking like a huge a**hole."
"One example, she has a habit of not taking off her shoes before going into people's homes."
"About a year ago, she was tracking mud into my home, and I told her to take off her shoes."
"She started crying because my tone was too much."
"I didn’t yell or anything."
"My daughter was there and agreed I wasn’t mean when I said to take off her shoes."
"It was a whole thing, and my son gave me a whole lecture about how I can’t say things like that."
"I told her to take off her shoes."
"She isn’t a quiet crier either; it's loud, and everyone notices the moment it happens."
"Then everyone needs to comfort her, and you are the d*ck for making her cry."
"There are more examples of this, and the whole family has had to deal with it."
"The issue was this weekend's get-together for my other DIL's daughter's birthday."
"The birthday was going well, and there were a lot of young kids."
"One of the kids, he is four, almost five, can be rude."
"His parents are working on it. He doesn't have a filter."
"During the event, when she was helping pass out the food, he called her fat."
"The parents grabbed him, and she started crying."
"It was getting loud, so I pulled her off the side and told her to stop crying."
"I didn’t want her to cause a scene at a 7-year-old's birthday."
"It was a little kid's remark and told her not to come out of the room unless she is composed."
"She ended up going to the car and didnt come back to the party."
"My son and I got into an argument."
"My point is she is a grown adult, and she is crying over a 4-year-old saying something mean."
"He is telling me to apologize, but at this point, I am not."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for telling their DIL to stop crying.
Everyone agreed that while the OP's DIL had the right to be upset, her reaction was immature and uncalled for, with many expressing how she needed to seek professional help for this condition:
"Everyone in here saying 'you can’t tell someone not to be upset', is missing the point."
"Things can be upsetting, and people are allowed to be upset; she doesn’t just get upset, she falls apart, loudly cries, and makes a scene."
"She is a full-blown adult."
"It’s either a cry for attention, she needs therapy, or both."
"Adults don’t fall to pieces over every little thing that makes them unhappy."
"NTA."- Khallllll
"NTA."
"As someone who used to be this sensitive, she needs a therapist/professional counseling."
"You can’t blame others for your inability to cope like an adult."- Salty-Living-3412
"There’s being a crier and being a public crier."
"I cry all the time."
"Happy, sad, tired, angry, multiple times a week."
"I’ll excuse myself and say I need to take an urgent phone call, the bathroom, too hot/too cold so I need air, etc."
"As a grown adult woman, she might not be very good at regulating her emotions, but she needs to be able to deal with them privately."
"I remember a friend getting engaged, and I was so happy I could literally not stop sobbing, and I was worried about taking attention away from the happy couple, so I just slipped outside and nobody even noticed."
"She sounds exhausting and annoying and very immature."
"NTA."- crisebdl
"She was crying at a child's birthday party."
"She was crying loudly at a child's birthday party."
"She should not have had to be told to remove herself from the room; she should have realized that herself."
"She should not have wanted to spoil the child's party."
"It was too bad that you had to tell her to stay out of the room until she composed herself, but I think it was absolutely necessary."
"Therefore, NTA in my humble opinion."- LdiJ46
"NTA."
"There is sensitive, and then there is manipulative."
"Asking her not to make a child’s birthday party about her does not minimize her feelings, just reminds her of the circumstances."- Educational_Horse469
"NTA."
"It’s not about being 'sensitive' anymore if asking her to do basic everyday things results in hysterical crying."
"The fat comment was bad, but it was also from a five-year-old. I’d probably be upset about it too, but if you’re crying at every little thing, nobody is going to want to cut you slack anymore."
"She sounds exhausting."- lmholot1981
"Is she not embarrassed?"
"No normal adult wouldn’t feel embarrassed about loudly crying at a simple remark."
"Being called fat by anyone is rude, but 4 year olds are notoriously and brutally unfiltered."
"I can’t imagine letting an offhand comment made by a toddler lead to wailing in front of others at a party."
"NTA."- Full-of-Bread
"NTA."
"Your son is enabling her."
"If she wants to have a meaningful life as a functional adult, she needs professional help."- PurpleEmotional1401
"NTA."
"There’s a difference between policing her feelings and telling her that her actions are inappropriate."
"She could’ve said 'I didn’t appreciate how you told me about the shoes'.”
"She could’ve told the child that what he said wasn’t very nice."
"She could’ve sobbed in the bathroom."
"Seems like she likes to make a scene."- Fun_Orange_3232
"NTA."
"This sounds all performative, and an adult needs to understand that kids say whatever they want without thinking."-AverageCartPusher
"NTA."
"Adults should be able to handle any mean thing a 5-year-old stupidly says."
"It is a 'she problem' and not a 'you problem'."- _Deleted_OP_
"NTA."
"It is her job to regulate her emotions."
"She is allowed to be upset."
"She is not allowed to hold everyone hostage with her feelings."
"If your story is accurate, there are deeper issues here for her, and she needs treatment."- serastar18
"NTA."
"She sounds exhausting."- Piney_Dude
"I cry over literally everything and the fact that she is so loud and allowing everyone to gather and comfort her makes me think its attention seeking, when i start crying its quiet and if people notice i reassure them i'm just a crybaby."
"NTA."- herefirplants
"NTA."
"As a sensitive person who cries very easily, I find this frustrating too."
"Not only is this deeply emotionally immature, but it makes adult communication impossible."
"I understand that hearing negative commentary on one’s appearance, especially something you’re sensitive about, can be difficult."
"If my husband or adult brother called me fat, I’d cry too."
"If a kid did it? That’s so easy to rationalize away."
"Her lack of coping skills is negatively impacting those around her, and her husband/your son is enabling her lack of emotional maturity and growth by pressuring you to constantly be the one to apologize."
"This sounds exhausting."
"Good luck."- SadQueerBruja
"NTA."
"I wouldn’t want my young child’s birthday party with his family being ruined because a grown ass woman is once again centering herself by flying into drama and theatrics at the drop of a hat."
"It would be one thing if this fat comment clearly hit a soft spot for her and caught her on a bad day, but you said she has a clear pattern of melting down like this, loudly."
"I would absolutely tell her the same thing."
"Dry it up or get out, but you’re not going to boo-hoo at the top of your lungs in front of everyone and ruin this baby’s birthday party."- Therapizemecaptain
No one wants to be called fat.
However, being called fat by a rude little child, whose parents quickly scolded him no less, is quite different from being called fat by a friend, colleague, or boss.
Regardless of the circumstances, the OP's DIL should probably consider talking to someone about these reactions.
