When it comes to work, or even a job interview, the saying goes, "if you're on time, you're late."
An idiom many people try to follow in all aspects of their lives, always arriving at least five minutes, if not an hour or more, early.
That said, even people who are chronically early can't always avoid being late due to circumstances beyond their control.
Then there are those who are pretty much never on time, often without anything close to a good excuse.
The friend of Redditor NinjaExcellent6706 fell into the latter category, even for things she planned herself. Including a recent gathering to which she invited the original poster (OP) and some other friends.
However, after waiting over an hour, the OP felt they had waited long enough and decided to call it a night.
Something their friend didn't appreciate at all.
Having some doubts about their decision, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for leaving my friend’s birthday dinner early after waiting over an hour for her?"
The OP explained why they bailed on their friend on her special night:
"My friend (26 F[emale]) had a birthday dinner this weekend and invited a group of us to this restaurant she picked."
"She told everyone to be there at 7."
"I got there on time, a couple of other people did too, and we waited."
"And waited."
"By like 7:45, she still wasn’t there."
"She kept texting stuff like almost there, and parking is crazy, but she lives like 15 minutes away, and this is kind of a pattern with her being late to everything."
"At around 8, the server asked if we wanted to order, and I texted her asking if she was actually close because people were hungry."
"She said, Just start with drinks, I’m coming."
"She didn’t show up until almost 8:20."
"At that point, I was irritated because I had skipped lunch, I had work early the next morning, and honestly, I felt rude sitting there taking up a table forever waiting on the birthday person."
"So when she finally got there and wanted everyone to 'restart the night' and wait before ordering so she could settle in, I said I couldn’t stay much longer."
"She got upset and was like, Seriously? You can’t stay for my birthday dinner?"
"I told her, We’ve already been here over an hour waiting."
"I ended up eating quickly and leaving before everyone else."
"Later she texted me saying I made her feel bad on her birthday and that I could have let it go for one night."
"I do get that birthdays are important and maybe I should have just stayed and kept my mouth shut, but also it felt kind of disrespectful to have everyone sitting there for that long because she couldn’t be on time again."
"Maybe I handled it wrong, I don’t know."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for leaving their friend's birthday early.
Everyone agreed it was very rude for the OP's friend to keep them waiting as long as she did, with many saying they would have bailed much earlier than the OP did:
"NTA."
"But stop waiting for her."
"She doesn't show on time- just order."
"She knows what she is doing and likes the attention."
"She doesn't actually sound like a friend."- KiriYogi
"I had an ex-boyfriend who was chronically late."
"A few years after we split up, he had a birthday."
"Meet in the pub at 5."
"I arrived at 6.30."
"The pub had multiple tables: his friends from home, friends from college, friends from work, flatmate friends."
"They were all sitting separately in 3s and 4s because they didn't know each other."
"I assembled his party for him because I was the only one there who knew everyone."
"He arrived at 7."
"He was then late to his own wedding and told it as a funny story in his speech."
"Honestly, just tell her: If you can arrive when you like, I can leave when I like."
"NTA."- FoxyOcelot
"NTA."
"I would not have waited more than 30 minutes before leaving."
"She is being entitled and disrespectful."- SuckMachine98
"NTA."
"But do yourself a favor and set yourself a time limit for how long you will wait in the future."
"Mine is 15 minutes."
"I would have ordered at 7:15 (and encouraged others to join me if they wanted) and probably would have been long gone by 8:20."- RetiredHappyFig
"Pity that all the guests for her birthday dinner didn't leave at the one-hour mark."
"She is rude and entitled and doesn't deserve the patience or kindness she was shown, birthday or not."
"NTA, but she certainly is for constantly treating her entourage like doormats."- shattered7done1
"NTA at all."
"If this is her pattern, then friends need to agree 'if she's late we bail'."
"And everyone treats her that way until she gets the message."
"She's being dishonest with what was holding her up, you need to ask more pointed questions, 'where exactly are you right now and when exactly will you be here' then YOU all can decide what to do with your time. We're not waiting for her to take up space for another hour. We're going to order, and you can join us for dessert whenever you get here'."- LiveKindly01
"I really don't understand people who are habitually late and then get extremely offended by everyone's irritation."
" I have a friend who is habitually really late; however, she knows she is wrong and is extremely apologetic about it."
"NTA for taking care of yourself and leaving in enough time to be rested for work the next day."
"She is TA for expecting everyone, including the restaurant staff, to wait around for her to finally arrive and then get offended that others are upset."- HDanette113
"If her birthday dinner was so important to her, she would not have been late."
"NTA."- AlvinOwlHirt
"Oh I would not have waited that long so, nope NTA."- Ok_NYer_1999
"NTA."
"The birthday girl is 💯 the AH."
"Being late when you have guests waiting on you is rude beyond belief."- BinkySplinky
"NTA."
"You were polite enough not to lecture her on her birthday, you just pointed out that she had wasted everyone's time."- late-nineteenth
"NTA."
"I believe that if you’re the host and you set the time, then you have no reason to be late."
"And if she’s not self-aware enough to realize that she’s always late, that’s not your problem."- PunisherCastle
"NTA… she says 7 and you plan for 7."
"You have other things to do with your time than to cater to her tardiness."
"You could have stayed and celebrated had she been upfront about what time she was showing up rather than keeping you waiting for 1 hr+."- Artistic_Dog_235
"NTA."
"Just because it is her birthday does not mean that she is excused from common courtesy."
"An hour late, especially without an emergency, is just plain rude."
"And she should feel bad about what she did."
"I have a friend who pulls this garbage all the time, and is absolutely clueless about how it affects other people."
"I’ve found that being blunt is the only way to deal with them."
"Don’t let yourself show up for work tired because your friend can’t read a clock."- bamf1701
"NTA."
"I would have bailed at 7:30."- GalacticCmdr
"NTA."
"Birthdaygirl is a spoiled brat and an AH."
"She should be happy that you stayed that long."
"And maybe buy a watch for her next birthday."- Jeroclo
"NTA."
"You didn't leave early, you left about the same time you might have left if she had turned up on time."- schmoomar_2
"NTA: Your former friend is extremely rude and disrespectful of other people's time."
"If her birthday dinner was so important to her, she should have been on time."- Sensitive-Instance51
"NTA, she set it up, invited everyone, and decided on the time."
"She should have been the first one there."
"I wouldn't have even lasted the hour; I probably would have ordered food to go and left."
"An hour and twenty minutes is absurd."- Jerseygirl2468
"NTA."
"And only self-obsessed narcissists treat people like this and think birthdays are so important."- maybe-an-ai
"NTA."
"This is beyond rude."
"I leave after 30 minutes."- Strong_District_5894
"NTA."
"She told everyone 7, then showed up at 8:20. That's not traffic, that's disrespect."
"You already waited over an hour hungry and tired."
"You even ate quickly and stayed a bit."
"Her wanting everyone to wait more to 'settle in' is crazy."
"Birthdays don't give you a pass to waste everyone's time."
"She should feel bad."
"Maybe next time she'll show up on time."- Loving_beautyy
One can understand why the OP's friend was upset that one of her, presumably, closest friends was making an early departure from her birthday.
Even so, if someone schedules a celebration in honor of themself, you'd imagine they'd make the tiniest effort to show up on time.
Or at the very least, apologize for being late...
