Finding the perfect gift for any occasion can be challenging.
Some holidays just get harder and harder every year,
But sometimes the big issue with gift-giving is making it more about oneself than the person receiving,
Trying to tie gifts to mutual interests doesn't always go over well.
Redditor Shayntastic found herself in a personal dilemma regarding the thought behind her Mother's Day gift, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
"AITAH for pushing back on husband who tried to pass off a gift for himself as a Mother's Day gift for me?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My husband loves big TVs."
"I don't really care."
"We have a 50-inch that is older but works well enough for me."
"We're sitting on the couch, and my kids want to blast something from his phone to the TV, and it's not working."
"So I say, 'Meh, we probably need a new TV,' and my husband says, 'We could get one this weekend, that could be your Mother's Day gift!'"
"So I push back, 'Don't disguise a gift for yourself as a Mother's Day gift, dude. That's fu*ked up.'"
"And he just starts fighting back, saying that he already got me something, this was in addition, and that I'm acting like an a**hole."
"It escalated to him saying I'm a 'hysterical woman,' and I put words in his mouth, and that he won't let me walk all over him."
'He's a great man."
"But lordie, he can never be wrong."
"A simple, 'yeah, you're right. We could get a TV, but it's not a Mother's Day gift' would have been the right move here, but he needed to win the argument and have the last word."
"My kids went upstairs rather than listen to this BS."
"I went up, too. I don't need this crap."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... who is the a**hole here??"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"Years ago, I had a neighbor whose husband bought her a weed whacker for Mother's Day."
"For Father's Day, he received a string of pearls."
"Awesome!" ~ DelawareMom
"My friend's husband bought her a chainsaw and 2 additional batteries for her birthday."
"So she never had to stop working on cutting up the fallen trees!"
"He thought he was giving the best gift."
"We all were waiting to know if he got chopped up."
"She did tell him he could do it, but he's in a wheelchair soooo... she ended up buying him a kayak a few months later for a different holiday, and he was pretty bitter." ~ iamsnarky
"You should get yourself diamond earrings as a Father’s Day gift for him." ~ CommissionExtra8240
"What other household appliance does your husband and family slightly or majorly benefit from that you are invested in?"
"Not trying to assume you do all the laundry cause you’re the woman - just using as an example."
"Buy a washer and dryer for your husband for Father’s Day and tell him that you thought he just really enjoyed wearing clean clothes together as a family."
"Explore what major appliances work best for you in this scenario; you don’t have to follow my example literally." ~ AskMeHowToLose
"This is literally how I ended up with a TV as my birthday present."
"Our TV died right before my birthday, and I watch the TV more than him so it would be a great present 🙄."
"No, the kids watch it the most."
"Still ended up as my present. 🤷♀️." ~ Gendina
"This happened with my parents."
"My mom asked for an expensive pair of scissors for her birthday. Instead, my dad got her an expensive lens for his camera.'
"My mom was so hurt by his selfishness."
"I told her to just wait for his birthday and buy him the scissors that she wants."
"It took a fair amount of coaxing from me, but she did it."
"My dad never did that to her again."
"The very best thing to do in these situations is to put the shoe on the other foot."
"They need to know what it feels like." ~ Ok_Wrangler_7940
"He called you a 'hysterical woman,' but you’re still calling him a 'great man?' NAH." ~ Yep215
"Your poor kids…" ~ IntelligentRisk7222
"Nobody who spoke to me like that would ever be described as a 'great man.'"
"A great man would consider you his equal, and that isn’t the case here." ~ Galadriel_60
"Yeah, he told her she's acting like an a**hole, in front of their kids?"
"Over something like that?"
"Sorry, but I can't imagine, and OP isn't going to convince me, that this dude is otherwise not a giant a**hole and that it's just this one tiny thing 'where he can never be wrong.'"
"Instead, seeing OP's responses, I'm pretty sure they're both giant **sholes."
"The absolute trope of toxic marriage that constantly buys each other off with gifts." ~ TherulerT
"NTA, but I would reconsider calling him a great man when he's saying you're an hysterical woman."
"The fact that the kids went away also speaks loudly; it's not the first time they have witnessed that kind of behavior from him." ~ EvilGoglu
"NTA, but he’s not a great man or a great father."
"Great husbands and fathers don’t verbally abuse, harass, demean their wives, especially in front of their kids."
"Your poor kid is going to his room to avoid the meltdown.
"It's so sad."
"Kids learn what they live, which doesn’t bode well for his future."
"Your husband is gross."
"The things he said were gross."
"There is zero way this is the first mantrum he’s thrown, either." ~ atxtrace
"Someone who can't ever be wrong isn't a good man."
"He's a typical man, one who has been socialized to believe that his needs are at the center and it's not his job to think about others' needs or feelings because they aren't as important as his." ~ No-Acanthisitta-2973
"ESH. Your husband sucks for trying to frame a family/mostly-his gift as your Mother’s Day present."
"A TV benefits everyone, especially the person who already loves big TVs — not exactly a thoughtful 'for mom' gift."
"But you also escalated it immediately instead of just saying, 'a TV is fine, but I don’t consider that my Mother’s Day gift.'”
"Once it turned into digs and arguing, both of you just started feeding the fight."
A"nd his calling you a 'hysterical woman' is gross, sexist, and way over the line."
"That alone makes him a major AH here."
"Biggest issue though?"
"Your kid literally removed themselves from the room because of the argument."
"Once kids are uncomfortable enough to leave, the conversation should’ve been paused and handled privately later." ~ spookyyham
"I feel like there's not enough information/context."
"But, from just what you've given us, I think kinda ESH."
"Absolutely not cool to try to use something as a new TV (which will obviously be used by the whole family) as a Mother's Day gift for you."
"And by your own admission, you escalated the issue with your response."
"Him calling you a 'hysterical woman' is just craziness."
"I can't imagine ever saying that to my wife."
"The missing piece between you saying what you did and him calling you a 'hysterical woman' is what bothers me."
"I doubt it went directly from you saying, 'That's f**ked up, ' to him calling you hysterical."
"You both seem like you can't stand to lose an argument."
"And it's the kids who are really the ones suffering."
"They're going to remember these fights for a long time, if not forever." ~ Josefu_Velen
"My (now ex-husband) used to buy me gifts that he wanted."
"One Christmas, I got a shotgun."
"Rather than get pissy, I learned to shoot and never let him borrow my 'gift.'"
"Another year, I got a handy set of Snap-on tools in a case for home repairs."
"Same reaction."
"I used them all the time and would not let him borrow my gift."
"The best part is never letting them know that they f'd up."
"Instead, I smiled and bought him a Dyson vacuum because he really enjoys a clean house." ~ Hot_Addition_6980
"NTA. Your husband is being a total pillock, frankly."
"The fact that your child felt the need to make a strategic exit tells me everything I need to know."
"The poor kid clearly knows the script."
"Your husband is insufferable and needs to win."
"Do you find yourself constantly retreating just to keep the peace?"
"He sounds insufferable."
"This man is fighting for a status that shouldn't even be up for debate in a marriage."
"And he refuses to be corrected during Mother’s Day weekend, of all times."
"Does he ever actually have the grace to admit when he’s got it wrong?"
"Did you understand that while he says he won’t let you 'walk all over him,' he’s bulldozing you?"
"And calling you 'hysterical?'"
"Is he meant to be the rational one?"
"Because he is the one throwing a tantrum."
"There is a very unpleasant hierarchy at play here."
"Does he always treat you as an inferior?"
"There’s a hell of a lot to unpack here."
"None of this looks particularly good on him." ~ Somberliver
"NTA, but 'He's a great man' doesn't hold up."
"Be honest with yourself."
"He may not be a terrible man, but he sure doesn't sound too great."
"Can he never be wrong?"
"So your thoughts and feelings don't matter if they don't align with his?"
"To the point where he calls you names that are rooted in misogyny?"
"If it makes you happy, rock on, I guess." ~ MixWitch
Reddit had a lot of SERIOUS thoughts here.
Husbands don't always get it.
But it's definitnieyb ok to call out gift issues
