Mother’s Day is a very special day for so many people.
This is the day we get to give thanks to all the moms, for all they do.
And most mom’s ask for so little in return.
Why is it difficult to grab a few gifts for them?
Case in point…
Redditor Realistic-Baker5083 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not wanting to walk my husband through buying Mother’s Day gifts?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“It’s my first Mother’s Day.”
“All I asked him for was 3 things- flowers, a card, and a Starbucks coffee.”
“First, he complained about me getting a coffee- can’t I just have a coffee at his parent’s house that day?”
“No, I want a Starbucks coffee. He reluctantly agrees.”
“Then he complains about he card.”
“Why do I need a card?”
“They’re pointless and will just be thrown out anyways.'”
“I said because I’d like to keep it as a memory as my first one.”
“Now I’m feeling agitated.”
“Am I asking for too much?”
“We’re in the dollar store, and he says ‘Oh! I can buy Mother’s Day cards here. Pick one out.’”
“But I tell him I don’t want to see it?”
“It should be him putting the thought and effort into finding a nice one.”
“He chooses out one randomly for both his mom and I with hardly reading them. Fine.”
N”ow today. He’s asking me where to buy flowers.”
“I said I don’t know, grocery store?”
“Pretty much everywhere has them.”
“We go to the store. He’s asking me to come choose the ones I like.”
“I said I literally don’t care if they’re weeds at this point- the point was to show appreciation through a small surprise and I wouldn’t be upset with any kind of flower.”
“He literally could not mess this up.”
“Maybe I’m being an AH, but I just feel like I’ve been involved in every step of planning for this little ‘surprise’ I asked for today.”
“It’s not like he’s usually clueless with gifts.”
“He’s actually quite thoughtful with birthday and Christmas gifts and understands the importance of keeping me out of the loop with those things.”
“But he’s made every part of this feel like I’m asking for too much, and like I have to do the work myself.”
“It just doesn’t feel genuine.”
“I told him he doesn’t have to get me anything if he doesn’t want to, and now he’s mad at me saying I made him feel like a bad husband/father.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Jesus Christ what is it with my gender?”
“How freaking infantile and useless are we going to let ourselves be?” ~ toofat2serve
“It’s a vicious cycle.”
“There are so many men out there who are thoughtless like this.”
“So you get with somebody who does buy you nice flowers and gifts, for example.”
“And you get to thinking you really hit gold here.”
“So you ignore that he doesn’t help with the laundry, he doesn’t do any cooking.”
“He doesn’t XYZ.”
“Because at least he gets you thoughtful presents and he likes to read with you in bed and you split the bills equally.”
“Somehow it feels fair that he works 40 hour weeks, you work 40 hour weeks and he gets to come home and play video games while you take care of the kids.”
“Because he’s nice to you sometimes.”
“And other men don’t help with the chores and aren’t at nice.”
“So you figure you’re lucky.”
“And you cling to this guy and count your supposed blessings.”
“It’s just a lot more nuanced than women being at fault for the men they’re with being low quality.” ~ lyssargh
“I literally don’t understand why some men actively resist doing even the smallest thing to make their wives happy.”
“Like this man put significantly more effort into passively resisting and feigning incompetence than it would have taken to just don’t be extremely small things she asked for.”
“I just can’t fathom actively trying so hard to make someone feel unloved.” ~ allison375962
“NTA. He should feel bad.”
“He’s acting as though simple little gestures that would make you feel special are unreasonable requests.”
“I sure hope this doesn’t become a pattern because there is nothing worse than when your partner acts like easy gestures of love are major burdens.” ~ AntiVictimhood
OP spoke up…
“I really didn’t think I was asking for much.”
“And judging by the fact that people other than him literally managed to do the same thing for me, it feels even more ridiculous that it felt like I had to walk him through it.”
“Hopefully he gets a clue and does better next year.”
“It’s also my first Mother’s Day.”
“I let my husband know ahead of time that I wanted something (didn’t care what) because he doesn’t really celebrate ‘small’ holidays (valentine’s day mostly lol).”
“He ended up getting our daughter (less than a week old) a onesie saying ‘Happy first Mother’s Day’ that surprised me when I unswaddled her this morning which was adorable and super sweet.”
“I unfortunately had a rough morning because I was exhausted still, achey all over, and my milk came in but our daughter won’t latch and my pump isn’t the right size.”
“So I ended up napping and pumping (while crying bc hormones!).”
“He ran out and got me a McDonald’s frappe and flowers while I did that, then made us brunch.”
“What you asked for is not unreasonable and your husband needs to step it up.”
“You have pushed (or had a major surgery) a baby out of you, a baby he helped create.”
“And the least he can do is show appreciation for that.”
“I hope he’s a better father than this. NTA.” ~ anappleaday_2022
“It’s really frustrating when you ask for exactly what you want and still have to give directions like they’re a child.”
“Maybe later talk to him about why you don’t want to pick out your own flowers.”
“If you do that, you might as well just get yourself flowers during the week.”
“Nothing wrong with it.”
“But there’s a difference between that and between being given a gift.”
“You didn’t ask for a lot.” ~ Engineer-Huge
“You asked for barely more than nothing.”
“I swear if you asked him to take a deep breath on your behalf, he’d suffocate himself out of spite.”
“There are people who feel like being asked for anything, or having any expectations, is some kind of unfair imposition.”
“They’ll talk about how if you ask for something and they do it, it’s not the same as if they did it spontaneously.”
“And maybe it’s true. “
“But they weren’t going to do it spontaneously and you don’t have to pretend like they would’ve.” ~ Hekili808
“NTA, and it’s ironic that he’s saying you ‘made him feel like a bad husband’ because that’s EXACTLY WHAT HE’S BEING: an incredibly sh**ty, thoughtless, childishly rude husband.”
“Feel free to point out that you’re not ‘making him feel’ that way, that’s just WHO HE IS right now, and he’d probably feel a lot better about himself in relation to Mother’s Day.”
“If he actually, you know, treated the mothers in his life like celebrating them mattered to him even a tiny bit.”
“Look, I’m autistic.”
“I struggle very much with social norms and expectations, and have for over 40 years.”
“But I mention this specifically because it’s not difficult even for ME to comprehend that ‘flowers, card, fancy Starbuck’s coffee’ is the BARE MINIMUM of celebrating you for birthing his children.”
“You shouldn’t have to walk him through it, and you CERTAINLY shouldn’t have to freaking justify any of it to him the way he made you do with the coffee and card.”
“These are the things he should WANT to do to make you feel loved and special.”
“Also breakfast. Mother’s Day breakfast is non-negotiable to everyone I know, whether it’s homemade or at the local diner or whatever.”
“Just . . . something.”
“Your husband is a massive AH, and you may need marriage counseling if he honestly doesn’t understand these most basic things and forces you to stage-direct your own Mother’s Day.”
“You, however, are NTA.” ~ FoolMe1nceShameOnU
OP wanted to let us in on some details…
“ETA: thanks to everyone who replied so far.”
“I figured I’d update since I found this pretty funny.”
“We got to his parents house for breakfast, and sitting at my spot was a coffee, two cards from them, and flowers… from them.”
“He didn’t know this was happening.”
“They said ‘See, THATS how you’re supposed to do it!’”
“And I laughed so hard because of the irony.”
OP it feels like Reddit has your back.
A Starbucks coffee is not a big ask.
Hopefully the rest of the day turned out beautifully.
Happy Mother’s Day!