Woman Refuses To Eat Food Prepared By Boyfriend's Mom After She Triggered Gluten Allergy Last Time

It's always a risk to cook for guests.

In addition to the overwhelming fear that your guests might not like your cooking, there's also the chance you might make something the can't, or won't, eat.

Some people are gracious about it and do their best to stomach food they normally wouldn't touch.

Others might find an alternative solution, one that their host might not appreciate.

Redditor throwawaygirl3834 was recently cooked dinner by her boyfriend's mother.

While the original poster (OP) got on extremely well with her boyfriend's mother, the food she was served went over slightly less well.

Resulting in the OP having a contingency plan for her next visit.

A plan neither the OP's boyfriend nor her mother appreciated.

Having some doubts about her choices, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

"AITAH for refusing to eat the dinner that my boyfriend's mother made?"

The OP explained why she found herself at odds with her boyfriend and his mother over a home-cooked meal:

"So my boyfriend (23 M[ale}) and I (20 F[emale}) have been dating for 10 months."

"Recently, it has gotten a lot more serious, and we have discussed possible marriage, children etc. in the future."

"I really feel like he is the one for me, but I feel like I may have messed things up."

"My boyfriend's parents live a 3 hour train ride from my city, so I have only met them once before this incident."

"They were very kind the first time we met, making me and him a bunch of Arab food."

"It's a part of their culture to be very accommodating to guests, especially with food, and I was grateful they were so kind and welcoming."

"I have coeliac disease, which essentially means I cannot come eat anything containing gluten."

"Even things that don't have gluten listed as an ingredient can trigger an immune response due to cross-contamination."

"My boyfriend told his mom this before I came over for dinner, she assured us that none of the food contained gluten and she was careful about cross-contamination."

"The food was delicious, until about three hours later when I developed symptoms of being glutened."

"These symptoms can persist for weeks or even months depending on the severity, so I was devastated that it happened."

"I told my boyfriend on the train ride back the last time that I got glutened, and he apologized, saying that his mom tried her best, but nevertheless he was still deeply sorry."

"This happened four months ago."

"Tonight, we took the train up to their city again, with the intention of spending the weekend with them."

"I told my boyfriend that I brought my own food, just so I could assure that I could eat food safe for me."

"He seemed a little offended, saying his mom took all the precautions this time and was really excited for me to eat their food."

"I told him after what happened last time, I didn't feel comfortable eating food that she made."

"When we got there, his mom saw I brought my own food and looked kind of shocked."

"She kept insisting the food was safe for me to eat, that she spent all week preparing the ingredients and recipes to make sure it was okay for me, and she would really like me to eat it."

"I told her that I appreciated the efforts, I felt safer eating my own food."

"The rest of the night was really awkward and tense."

"I could tell his mom was upset and a little angry, and my boyfriend was really angry when we got to our room that night."

"He said she put so much effort into this and it was horrible that I refused to eat the food."

"I know there is probably some cultural barrier here as well with me being white-british and his family being arab-british."

"I know I could've taken a chance, but the symptoms associated with it were not worth the risk to me."

"AITA for refusing to eat her dinner?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to eat the food her boyfriend's mother cooked.

Some had trouble sympathizing with anyone, feeling the OP could have given her mother more warning, but also felt the OP should have been a bit more understanding of her concerns:

"ESH."

"You’re young, so it’s understandable, but you aren’t displaying the best communication here."

"You should have informed your boyfriend much earlier that you were not willing to risk another contaminated meal and were bringing your own food."

"Why would you let his mother go to all the trouble to cook for you, knowing you were not going to eat it?"

"He and his mother should have been more understanding that you did not wish to risk getting sick."

"Was your boyfriend aware of how sick this makes you and how easy it is to make a mistake with cooking?"

"Did she send you any kind of apology for making you ill before?"

"I would contact her and apologize for the miscommunication."

"Arab hospitality is well known, and she is probably very offended."

"Tell her (lie if you have to) that an aunt, friend or who ever that you are close to, hasn’t been able to make you meals either."

"That the cross-contamination is just too easy to do."

"Then complement her on something else and tell her how lovely she was for trying."- Traveler691

While others sympathized with the OP's condition, and felt that she had the right to strictly eat food she was certain was safe, even if many still felt she could have given her boyfriend's mother more warning:

"Did anyone tell his mom either that you got glutened last time or that you were bringing your own food this time?"

"On principle, NTA, celiac is no joke, and you're right to protect yourself."

"It's sad that that sometimes comes at the cost of social acceptance."

"But it sounds like you or your boyfriend could've done more to communicate the issue with his mom, thereby preserving the relationship."- sootfire

"NTA for bringing your own food."

"You should have discussed it ahead of time, though, with your bf, and he could have repaired to mom, you were bringing food."

"If either were smart, it could have been blamed on a doctor-ordered regimen, which is technically true."

"I think you need to sit down with bf and have a very thorough discussion about your celiac, what it really means, the effects of eating any level of gluten both long term and short."

"If he still gets mad after having the information that repeated exposure could result in horrible long effects, then he's not the right one."- TipsyBaker_

"You're NTA for not wanting to risk triggering your celiac again, but you needed to communicate it WAY earlier."

"You knew full well that food is an important cultural aspect for your boyfriend's family, and you still let his mom stress over making food you can eat."

"She obviously doesn't realize she missed something last time, you had the opportunity to address it early on."

"Now you've really bundled a cultural thing."

"I think you should just be honest, tell mom that last time you got sick, explain that it's not an allergy you have, and the full impact of triggering celiac and the damage to your intestines, and then offer to try to go through recipes with her."- ptheresadactyl

"NTA for bringing your food, but YTA for not telling her until after she went through all of the effort."

"I also had to stop eating food others prepared for me entirely, it's INCREDIBLY difficult to cook for a celiac in a kitchen that isn't 100% GF."

"I spent YEARS accepting food that my friends and family 'painstakingly ensured was safe'."

"It's not."

"It's just not."

"And I can't get sick for months every time they want to try again."

"It literally slowly kills you. Last year I was sick more days than I was healthy, all from 4-5 meals/gifts from others."

"People won't understand."

"They'll say it's disrespectful."

"They'll promise they can learn."

"But realistically, it will probably take years of effort PER PERSON to get to an 80% success rate."

"It's just not safe for you to take the health impact."- merple226

"NTA."

"Visit r/foodallergies or the sister sub for celiac disease if you need more support."

"Likely, unless she has a whole set of kitchenware that is all new, gluten-free, you cant eat her food at all. its permeating surfaces. Its a common issue and not her fault."

"I cant share pans in my home either."

"I can share cutlery, for now."

"If they are serious about having you in the family, spare no expense telling them your short and long-term suffering."

"Be graphic if you must."

"If they will live with you and love you, they need to know."

"The long-term risks of surgery, etc., if you get dosed and you get a very bad reaction."

"Especially since there is a risk of your future kids having it, they need to work around it now."- Sheanar

It couldn't have been easy for the mother of the OP's boyfriend to discover that she wasn't going to eat any of the food she presumably spent a long time cooking.

Though it also isn't entirely unfair for the OP to want to be able to eat without concern.

Two problems that could have been avoided with better communication from both parties.