Family can be a delicate dynamic.
As sadly, not everyone gets along with their family as much as they wish they did.
Others, however, love their family more than anything else and relish every moment they spend with them.
Even if that doesn’t mean they don’t wish for solo time every now and then.
The husband of Redditor Inside_Activity_4233 was recently approached about a rather exciting vacation.
A vacation that sadly did not include the original poster (OP) or the rest of their family.
When the OP’s husband expressed their intention to go on the vacation regardless, the OP was not afraid to make their feelings known.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA? My in-laws want to take only my husband to the bahamas for 11 days and leave me and the kids at home. Am i wrong for being angry?”
The OP explained why they were less than thrilled with their husband’s upcoming vacation plans:
“My in-laws asked my husband to go on vacation with them and said they wanted it ‘just them and their kids’, aka him and his 2 younger brothers.”
“My husband claims they guilted him into it.”
“Meanwhile me and our 3 children will be left at home and I will have to take on all the responsibilities of them.”
“I work full time.”
“And during that time our daughter has surgery on her eyes.”
“I’ve been angry with him for 3 days now for agreeing to go.”
“He thinks i should be over it by now.”
“Is he right?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for being angry at her husband for going on vacation without them or the rest or their family.
Everyone agreed that it was one thing for the OP to go on an extended vacation without his family, but going on vacation while his daughter was having surgery was borderline unforgivable:
“NTA.”
“Ask him why you should be over it.”
“Has he done anything to change or ease the situation he’s leaving you in?”
“Had he planned relief care, has he meal prepped, arranged for friends to come by and help, organized more support around the surgery?”
“Or does he expect his selfish sh*tty choices to be ratified by the mere passing of time?”
“Alternative question.”
“If guilt tripping is now how he’s controlled, with no independent will of his own, is it not your responsibility to guilt trip him even harder to show up for his immediate family?”
“Given he’s devoid of free will, and his first responsibilities lie with his wife and children, it wouldn’t be a dereliction of duty on your part if you didn’t pull him back to the light?”
“Remember, he’s a helpless pawn.”- angels-and-insects
“Honestly, it’s one thing to leave when times are good, but his daughter has surgery.”
“What if there are complications?”
“As your partner, this is beyond uncool; this is a dealbreaker for me.”
“Also, how are these grandparents taking care of their grandkids by whisking away their support system?”
“NTA.”- OptimistPrime527
“NTA.”
“11 days and he didn’t even run it by you before agreeing?”
“Did he even apologize for agreeing without consulting you?”
“Even if he felt pressured by his parents to accept, he could easily have put them off by saying, ‘I’ve got to check with OP- I’ll get back to you after I talk to her’.”
“I think he’s a lot happier about this turn of events than he wants you to believe.”
“Stay mad.”
“I really don’t think I’d stay married to a guy who pulled a stunt like this.”- algunarubia
“NTA.”
“I’d simply ask him, ‘Can you give me the phone number of the hotel, so if the surgery goes wrong, I can get them to pass you the message that you have a blind daughter. Other than that, enjoy your time away from us all’.”- mtmp40k
“First NTA.”
“He is choosing his parents over you.”
“But that is minor.”
“His child is having surgery on her EYES and will be out of the country?”
“That is THE issue, and I would be talking to a divorce attorney at minimum to learn about my options.”
“Really ponder this: how do you feel about being married to a man who abandons his children for a free vacation?”
“That is what he is doing. I’m mad for you, don’t get me wrong.”
“But he is doing this to his children, too.”
“Your children.”
“I hope this is a spam post because the thought makes me physically ill.”- calicounderthesun
“NTA.”
“How can you be over it when nothing has been resolved?”
“He totally betrayed you.”- LonelyWord7673
“He should go on the trip.”
“Think about it.”
“His luggage will already be done, so he can move back with his parents at the end.”
“NTA.”- Turbulent_Guest402
“‘My husband claims they guilted him into it’.”
“So he’s spineless.”
“‘During that time our daughter has surgery on her eyes’.”
“And a horrible father.”
“‘And I will have to take on all the responsibilities of them. I work full time’.”
“And a worthless husband.”
“‘He thinks I should be over it by now.”
“You should be over this entire marriage by now.”
“NTA.”- Putasonder
“If it were me he’d come home to his shit packed and divorce papers.”
“NTA.”- MrsNevilleBartos
“Going on vacation while his kid is having surgery?!”
“NTA.”
“He is, though.”- Sweaty_Item_3135
“If he went on the trip, I don’t think my feelings for him would ever recover.”
“NTA.”
“Personally, I wouldn’t be there when he got back home (or the lock would be changed if relocation wasn’t possible.)”
“It isn’t a marriage if you’re not a team.”
“He’s checking out while your child is having surgery and you work nights.”
“F*ck that guy; he’s less than useless.”- DenizenKay
“NTA.”
“If my husband went with his parents on a vacation that I had not been invited to, I would never get over it.”
“His parents snubbed you, and he allowed it.”
“This goes much deeper than his being away for eleven days.”
“If he were going for work or to help someone having a medical emergency, you’d manage.”
“His saying they guilted him into it is a cop out.”
“If I were you, I would be so furious, I’d contact a divorce lawyer.”- General_Relative2838
“He wasn’t ‘guilted’ into going on vacation without his f*cking kids during a time he knew one of his kids had major surgery.”
“This was a conscious decision.”
“He’s a big boy.”
“He can say no.”
“But he didn’t.”
“Him trying to victim-shame you?”
“An even redder red flag.”
“If he’s willing to shirk his parental duties this time, he won’t stop with this one vacation.”
“You need to put your foot down.”
“He goes on this vacation, and he doesn’t have a family to come home to.”
“His choice.”
“NTA.”- R4eth
“No he isn’t right.”
“His parents are huge AH’s for this, but he is a bigger AH for agreeing to it.”
“I would change the locks when he’s gone and serve him with divorce papers.”
“NTA.”- Livinthedream71
“He’s going to be sipping rum on the beach while his daughter is having a major surgery?”
“NTA but he sure is.”- Only_Music_2640
“NTA.”
“He is an adult.”
“Leaving you with the kids is just rude.”
“His parents sound like a treat.”- Classic-Delivery3875
“This is an easy one.”
“NTA by the way.”
“Look at your husband all sweetly.”
“’Is there anything you need for your vacation while I’m out getting the divorce papers?’”
“And look at him expectantly like you’re waiting for him to give you a list of things he needs.”
“And when he asks what you mean say, ‘well since your married to your mom and plan on abandoning your wife and kids when one of your kids is having surgery that could make her blind and you’re going out of the country…I need to make sure the kids and I are taken care of since you don’t give a BLEEP’.”
“This is a scorched earth moment.”- Wandering_aimlessly9
“I know people jump to divorce quickly on Reddit, but YIKES.”
“NTA.”
“If it were me, I would let him know he is not welcome to come back to your home when he returns.”- _r3dd
“NTA.”
“Your daughter is having surgery.”
“The in-laws should understand why he needs to be there for his child.”
“And I find it disturbing that he feels comfortable being so far from her.”- Swimminginthestorm
“NTA.”
“For many reasons.”
“I don’t think it’s inherently wrong for your in-laws to want time with their children.”
“BUT…11 days is a long time, especially when you add in spouses and children.”
“Throw in the fact that your child is having surgery during that time and your husband is being a massive AH.”
“He’s being irresponsible and showing he’s lacking as a partner and a father.”- Disastrous-Nail-640
Everyone needs some solo time every now and then.
However, there is a fine line between solo time and excluding others from joining you.
When exclusion involves family, as it does with the OP and their husband, complications are bound to arise.