Perhaps what people look forward to the most about getting married is a seeming end to loneliness.
Committing to the love of your life means sharing the rest of your life with them.
Of course, even those who hate being lonely might need some alone time every now and then.
A concept that not all spouses fully understand.
Redditor ThrowawayEntrance556 had some upcoming time off from work and thought it might be a good opportunity to take a solo trip.
Of course, before committing to the trip, the original poster (OP) ensured his doing so was all right with his wife.
While his wife initially agreed, she began to show some resistance to the idea as the trip grew closer.
Unsure of what to do, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for planning to take a solo weekend trip and leaving my wife at home by herself?”
The OP explained why they had sudden doubts about taking a solo trip:
“I (42 M[ale]) am married to my wife (35 F).”
“I like to travel- that’s pretty much my only hobby.”
“My wife enjoys travel too.”
“My wife has been at her sisters out of state for the past 3.5 weeks given her sister had a baby and she wanted to be with her.”
“During this time I have been by myself, taking care of our 12 year old son and managing full time-work, house and all our son’s activities.”
“I found myself with a 4 day weekend coming up for MLK weekend and I asked her if I can take a solo trip to a foreign country.”
“She agreed if I agreed to let her extend her visit at her sisters by a week- so she can spend more time with the new born.”
“She will be back before that MLK weekend starts.”
“She can not travel international right now as we are waiting on her green card.”
“Our son has a camp date with his friends that weekend that he will be gone for, leaving my wife by herself at home.”
“I booked my flights and hotels.”
“Now my wife is taking me on a guilt trip that I am going by myself and leaving her home by herself.”
“I can cancel the tickets- they’re refundable but I was looking forward to a little solo respite.”
“Am I the a**hole to take this solo trip by my self?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for going on a solo trip.
Everyone agreed that after the OP was away from home for a month, she was not in a position to guilt-trip the OP for taking a solo trip, especially after he cared for their child and home while she was away:
“NTA.”
“She’s been gone for nearly a month?”
“Come on.”
“Tell her to enjoy some alone time at a spa or something.”
“You’ll be doing the same.”
“On your trip.”
“Which you’ve already planned.”
“Go have a good time.”- Beautiful_Arm8364
“NTA.”
“She’s taken, what, 30+/- days to do something while you hold down the fort.”
“You’re taking, 4 days as respite.”
“During that 4 days your wife likely won’t need to work because it’s a holiday weekend and your son will be with his friends for a period of time, minimizing her caretaking.”
“She may see her trip to her sisters as a ‘working trip’ because caring for a new family isn’t necessarily a vacation, but you deserve a break too.”- SunshineSeriesB
“NTA.”
“You cleared it with her and now she’s having a pity party?”
“I think I missed a step.”- Big_b00bs_Cold_Heart
“NTA.”
“You’ve held down the fort for a month, for her to be with her sister.”
“She can be alone for a few days.”
“It’s quite selfish of her to be trying to convince you otherwise.”- Jerseygirl2468
“NTA.”
“You talked to her, she said she’s fine with it.”
“She doesn’t get to backtrack now.”
“She’s a full blown adult and can act like it.”- Equivalent_Secret_26
“NTA.”
“She had already told you it was fine if she got to extend her trip- which she did.”
“Now she is changing the goal post.”
“You deserve a break after holding down the fort by yourself.”
“You’d think she would want some alone time… I’d be so excited.”- bamsandme
“NTA.”
“She’s got fomo and has to deal.”- deadxroses21
“NTA.”
“Wife here!”
“Take your trip man.”
“Have fun and ABSOLUTELY guilt free time.”- AppointmentMountain8
“NTA.”
“She can be by herself, it’s not fatal.”- FairyCompetent
“NTA.”
“I don’t understand her complains at all.”
“She has a few days all alone and can do whatever she wants.”
“Sounds great for me.”- bizianka
“Man, I’d give a lot of money for 4 days by myself at home with no partner or kids around.”
“Your wife needs to think outside the box a bit, or maybe she just need to learn to enjoy her own company.”
“NTA.”- FrenchRoo
“NTA.”
“Go on your trip guilt free!”- FiveKitties-in-MD
“NTA.”
“Enjoy your trip!”- Should-Stop-This
“NTA.”
“Your wife is being a little selfish but probably just for FOMO reasons.”
“It’s human.”
“But go anyway!”
“Life is short and you matter, too.”- SlinkyMalinky20
“NTA.”
“But you need to directly ask her if she has a problem with you going solo.”
“And f she says yes, hash it out before the trip. If she says no, remind her of this answer when she guilt trips.”- Oktodayithink
“You bothered to ask her before hand, she already said yes, and now she’s going back on her yes and guilt tripping you.”
“Have you pointed this out to her?”
“Definitely NTA.”- gp2115two
“NTA.”
“What adult woman wouldn’t look forward to a little time alone?”
“As an adult woman I just can’t fathom it.”
“I love the occasional few days alone.”
“She has friends, right?”
“She can’t plan a girls weekend or just have friends over if she doesn’t want to be alone?”
“This reaction is a completely foreign concept to me.”- witx
“NTA.”
“Wife has been gone a month.”
“Over Christmas and is giving you grief.”
“Oh hell no.”- Mueryk
“LOL, NTA.”
“But she is.”- ImAMorty777
“NTA.”
“But if the point is to try and stay married you need to get off Reddit.”
“Sometimes it doesn’t matter whether you are technically wrong.”
“Have you considered she missed you and you are basically broadcasting you can’t wait to get away from her after a month apart?”
“Perception is reality.”
“You seem like maybe you are a little oblivious.”
“Feel free to downvote me to hell.”
“But this is a bad idea right or wrong.”- Senior-Abies9969
“So your wife is okay with leaving you and her son for over a month?”
“NTA.”
“I’m sure you are a wonderful father and have met all your son’s needs for the last month, but it sounds like your wife has dipped out of parenting.”
“That’s a very long time for a 12 year old.”- Fun-Holiday9016
“NTA.”
“NTA for wanting a solo trip.”
“But there is no way in hell that I would leave someone I cared about and who doesn’t have a green card alone in the house anywhere in the US right now.”- RPG_Rob
“NTA for wanting to go alone.”
“She got to spend 4 weeks away from you guys, and you’re taking 4 days to recuperate from being the only caregiver during that time, which seems pretty reasonable.”
“To be fair, she wasn’t a visiting guest, but a working guest — presumably she was there to provide support and caregiving to the new mom and baby — so I’m assuming she could also use those 4 days to relax.”
“You guys do need to have a conversation about it so you can reach a final decision.”
“Does she perhaps want to make it a romantic weekend for the two of you, since your kid will be out camping?”
“Would that be an acceptable alternative for you?”
“Is she perhaps afraid of being alone?”
“Could she have a girl’s weekend with her friends or take a spa day?”- Narwen189
“NTA.”
“She voluntarily left both of you for a month.”- Orangebiscuit234
“NTA.”
“I would think she would want a few days at home alone.”- Impressive_Moment786
“NTA.”
“I hate when people say just talk, because obviously I’ve tried that, but you just haven’t shared here how it went with her when you reminded her that she agreed to this and stayed an extra week and you didn’t give her a hard time at all for spending a weekdoing something she wanted to do and leaving you with childcare and household responsibilities.”
“Now if you told her that she was still a hypocrite, I would guilt trip her about her visit and talk about all the stuff you had to do when she was gone lol.”- Raccoonsr29
Hearing that your spouse wants time away from you isn’t exactly comforting news.
That being said, the OP didn’t tell his wife that he wanted an escape from her, but rather a chance to recharge following nearly a month of managing their house on his own.
It’s understandable how the idea of having the house to herself might seem less and less appealing to the OP’s wife the closer it got.
That being said, perhaps she should have considered that before leveraging more time away with the OP…