Carrying people’s bags can sometimes be a problem.
In relationships, many husbands sometimes have to hold or carry their wives’ purses.
A lot of guys take issue with this, but they deal.
But carrying extra bags for people, not companions, can cause friction.
Redditor Certain-Club-2173 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITAH for refusing to carry my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw]’s bag when we go out?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hey, myself (27 M[ale]) and my wife (26 F[emale]).”
“When we go out, mostly she keeps this tote bag, which comes with a lot of space, so sometimes I put my stuff (wallet, keys, receipts, etc.) in it.”
“And I put a power bank in her purse as well, as I use an iPhone 12 mini whose battery sucks.”
“Fair enough, I’ve absolutely no issues in carrying her bag (I usually take it for like 20-30% of the time, no issues if the number rises).”
“Her single sister (24 F) lives nearby, and sometimes we all hang out together.”
“She’s developing this habit of trying to hand her tote bag to me as well.”
“I took it out of courtesy for the first 2-3 times, but I don’t want it to become a norm.”
“I don’t want to be a pack mule of the group.”
“Apart from the discomfort, it affects the outing experience too.”
“At first, I asked my wife to help me with it via communicating with her sister, but I couldn’t see any difference.”
“So the next time (very recent) when she again tried to pass me her bag, I just told her I don’t want to (of course, in a respectable tone).”
“It worked, but later that day, my wife said it was a kinda bi**hy move from my side as both the sisters were trying out some clothes.”
“I mentioned to her about how it usually goes.”
“Also, two sisters can manage each other’s bags while trying out the outfits.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA? It ended kinda awkward, as if I was being petty.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. A grown-up woman can manage her own bag while trying on clothing.”
“Otherwise, I would have been in trouble for the last 50+ years.” ~ Spare_Butterfly_213
“NTA. An infrequent ask is fine, but a regular ask from SIL is not okay.”
“As long as you said it nicely, you’re fine.”
“If it’s too much for her, tell her to get a rolling bag.” ~ Ducky818
“Has your wife ever prevented you from putting stuff in her bag because she doesn’t want to carry your wallet, receipts, keys, power bank, and god knows what else?”
‘Cuz she could.”
“But she’s just being kind.”
“You should learn from her. “
“Sure, you don’t need to carry SIL’s stuff all the time, but like they’re trying on clothes?”
“That’s the classic time when you’d end up with the bag/purse.” ~ JustARandomGuyReally
“Most dressing rooms have hanging hooks or benches for a reason.”
“Plus, it sounds like shes not really asking, she’s just handing off her bag and expecting OP to babysit it simply because he’s carrying his wife’s tote too.”
“I can see why he doesn’t want to deal with becoming the group pack mule.”
“It’s one thing lugging around a single tote.” ~ SajakiKhouri
“NTA. I don’t know, call me weird, but I wouldn’t ask anyone else’s husband to hold my purse unless it was to tie my shoe or if I was trying to readjust the things in my hand. “
“And even then I’d ask my friend/sister first.”
“It’s giving that she’s trying to cosplay having a husband.”
“When the reason you’re carrying the bag is that it’s also holding your stuff… it’s weird.” ~ bitter-scorpio-02
“NTA. I would be annoyed to.”
“Suggestion: talk to your wife about maybe not handing her bag over to you when you both are around your SIL.”
“It would be super awkward for SIL to hand you her bag if her sister hasn’t.”
“And even if she tries to?”
“You and your wife can both give her a very confused look.”
“Going through that a couple of times should dissuade her enough to stop it altogether.” ~ IamIrene
“NTA, but why are you putting all your crap in your wife’s bag?”
“She’s not a mule either.”
“Granted, you said you carry it sometimes, but I’ve never been with a guy who has me carry his wallet/keys/phone.”
“That’s the kind of stuff guys tend to carry themselves, in their pockets.”
“I wouldn’t tolerate carrying a power bank for long either.”
“Get a new battery or a new phone if yours is so bad.” ~ Brit_in_usa1
“NTA to SIL, you are to your wife, though.”
“You have a bag’s worth of stuff to carry, so GET A BAG.”
“They have great small to large messenger bags for guys, quality leather to canvas.”
“My late husband liked to use a clean rock climber’s chalk bag (his hobby).”
“Look at European guys, they use bags with no problem.”
“Man-bag up and carry your own stuff.” ~ veebasaur
“NTA. It’s bullshit asking someone else to carry the bag you chose to fill up and bring.”
“It’s also bulls**t to put your stuff all in your wife’s purse EXCEPT if you take turns carrying it, which it seems that you do.”
“Adults need to take care of their own stuff, or agree to share with another person, not just dump their crap on someone else.” ~ Regular-Message9591
“NTA, you’re not her designated pack mule, but also your wife isn’t yours.”
“Your SIL is weird for thinking just because you carry your significant other’s bag that she’s entitled to the same treatment.”
“She needs to get a partner if she so desperately needs someone to carry her stuff.”
“Carry a little bag with your own stuff so you don’t make your wife’s bag heavier, then you don’t have to carry anyone’s bag, and everyone keeps their stuff on their own shoulders 😊.” ~ Eyelashestoolong
“NTA. My husband always offers to carry any bags I have.”
“Sometimes I take him up on it, sometimes I don’t.”
“I don’t expect or ask him to, though.”
“I also offer the same.”
“His response is the same.”
“I would help friends/relatives here, and there, like you’ve done, but you’re right – you’re no pack mule!” ~ myboyfriendsback777
“NTA. The whole distinction of ‘watching the bag’ while they try clothes vs. ‘carrying the bag while walking around’ is f**king stupid.”
“She’s a whole grown woman who, knowing what activities she’s planning on doing today, decided to bring the bag with her.”
“How does she navigate life when she’s going shopping for clothing by herself?”
“Does she not bring a bag, or does she utilize the hooks/benches in the fitting room?”
“She’s been able to figure it out like all women who carry bags since the dawn of time.”
“Yes, sometimes I regret carrying my large, heavy bag, especially when I’m walking long distances from store to store.”
“I made the executive decision that carrying all of the things in my bag is important in case I need them, that doesn’t give me the right to offload it on a family member just cuz they’re already doing it for their spouse.”
“She’s not the a**hole for asking, but if he said ‘No,’ that’s it.”
“No hurt feelings, he’s well within his rights to decline, and his declining isn’t ‘bi**hy.'” ~ zestrokes
“NTA. I wouldn’t have taken either of their bags.”
“How does your wife shop when you aren’t around and she doesn’t seem to appreciate what you do for her?” ~ Long_Ad_2764
“NTA. But next time accept it, then forgetfully leave it somewhere.”
“Be very apologetic.” ~ JTBoom1
A few Redditors had different thoughts about the matter…
“Hmm. I suspect this will be unpopular, but you are the tiniest of a**es, good sir.”
“Chivalry is a zero-sum game, I’m afraid.”
“Either thou art a bag carrying gentleman or thou art not a bag carrying gentleman.”
“Either is valid, but you should really pick one; otherwise, yeah, it’s hard to see how it’s not a little odd to insist that only your wife and not her sister deserves your help when it’s the same situation happening at the same time. YTA.” ~ Remarkable-Intern-41
“Do you not have pockets?”
“I’m consistently front right phone, back right wallet, front left keys, and that’s all I need.”
“Back left is reserved for her phone if she needs it, and the wallet has a couple of slots for her ID and main card.”
“If she needs a bag, she can carry it just like she did on the way.”
“This should not be complicated.”
“YTA to yourself for being a doormat.” ~ GenitalFurbies
“Yes, YTA. If you have stuff, you need to carry it yourself and not let your gf carry it.” ~ Isabelsedai
“If he puts stuff in there – especially a power bank, then he should be carrying it up to 50% of the time if she asks him to.”
“My dad used to pull that, ‘You have a purse, so carry this and this and this and his fricken’ giant heavy old-fashioned camera’ I was lugging around stuff that more than doubled the weight of the purse.” ~ Music_withRocks_In
Most of Reddit is with you, OP.
Carrying your wife’s bag is one thing, carrying her sister’s is another.
Her sister shouldn’t assume you will be the ‘pack mule.’
Maybe you could just tell your SIL nicely with your wife’s help.
Good Luck.