One of the most annoying things about having neighbors has to be the sharing of noises and having to hear things we otherwise had no interest in hearing.
Unfortunately, we can confront our neighbors about some noises, like playing music too loud, but there are other sounds, like dogs barking and babies crying, that we might have to learn to live with, empathized the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Warm-Preparation1453 frequently heard their neighbor, who was a new mom, trying to soothe her crying baby, and one way to soothe them was to take them into the shared hallway where all of her neighbors could hear.
After this happened several times, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if it was time to confront the mom about her approach.
They asked the sub:
“Am I the a**hole if I leave a note for my neighbours about bringing their screaming baby into the apartment hallway CONSTANTLY?”
The OP’s neighbor was having trouble comforting her newborn baby.
“One of my neighbours has a newborn, and they CONSTANTLY walk the baby up and down the hall when it’s crying and screaming, trying to console it.”
“This happens throughout the day and into the night (currently happening right now and it’s just past 10:00 PM).”
The OP was struggling with the change.
“I’m dealing with multiple chronic health conditions and work from home, and I’m at my wits’ end.”
“I have a polite note written, ready to stick to their door, asking if they can please soothe their baby INSIDE their apartment and not in the hallway, as this is a shared space and the sound carries into nearby apartments.”
“I hate confrontation, so I feel like leaving a note on their door is my best option.”
“I understand that living in an apartment isn’t always going to be quiet, but in my opinion, it’s extremely rude to disturb everyone else with screaming at all hours. KEEP THE CRYING BABY IN YOUR D**N UNIT.”
The OP also shared the note they intended to leave for the mother to find.
“Hi there,”
“I hope you’re doing well. I wanted to kindly mention something that’s been affecting others on the floor.”
“There have been frequent instances of a crying baby being brought into the hallway, and the noise echoes and carries very easily into nearby apartments. Because the hallway is a shared space, the sound impacts others much more than it likely seems.”
“I completely understand that caring for a baby is challenging, and this isn’t meant as criticism. Some neighbours work from home, and others are managing health conditions, so the repeated noise in the hallway can be extremely disruptive.”
“This is simply a request to please keep soothing time inside your apartment whenever possible.”
“Thank you very much for understanding and for being considerate of your neighbors.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was NTA but challenged them to write an honest note.
“NAH, I guess. I would suggest actually being honest in your note, though. Acting like you’ve had some building-wide meeting and are speaking for anyone more than yourself is just cowardly.” – beckdawg19
“This is what always gets me about these notes. Writing on behalf of ‘some people’ when the note is from only you.”
“There’s nothing wrong with saying it is affecting ME and in my opinion makes the note sound more personal and have a better chance of working.” – Sgtshrimp
“A note like this could get the person wondering if the other tenants all get together to talk about them behind their backs. Nothing worse than feeling uncomfortable and suspicious of all the neighbors.”
“I’m sure this mom is already exhausted. She doesn’t need to feel isolated and paranoid, too.”
“Just write the note from yourself.” – Syndeyloo
“All OP needs to say is, ‘I’m sorry to bother you in what is obviously a stressful time, but walking your crying baby in the hallway means it’s really loud in my apartment. I work from home, and it’s causing difficulties with my boss and/or my clients,’ and then buy earplugs for the nighttime.”
“The kid will grow. The weather will get warmer, so the kid can be pushed around outside. This will pass.”
“And however bad it is for OP, it’s worse for the parents, so be kind. That little screamer will be funding OP’s pension in time.” – Irishwol
“I think this would feel more personal.”
“‘Hi there, Congrats on your new baby! I understand that this is a challenging time for you and yours. Unfortunately, I struggle with some chronic health issues and also work from home.'”
“‘I was wondering whether you could please stop bringing your baby into the hallway when trying to soothe them. The sound really carries, moreso from the hallway than between apartments. It would be greatly appreciated.'”
“No obligation to do this, but a little sweet treat along with the note might go a long way in ‘bribing’ them to stop.” – supremebliss
Others agreed the OP was NTA but reminded them that these parents were likely doing the best they could with what they had.
“Having been the mother with a newborn who was colicky while living in an apartment, you’re NTA but still try to offer more grace.”
“New parents are winging it. We have no idea of what we’re doing for the first two months or more. We’re functioning on very little sleep, and the crying affects us the exact same way it does you, only we never get a break from it.”
“A gentle reminder that the hallways are very loud, coupled with some earplugs for yourself, maybe help them out by baking something? That would have meant the world to me if my upstairs neighbor had done that instead of banging on the floors.” – Carrots-1975
“It might not be necessarily obvious that they’re sharing their noise. I mean, from their point of view, the door is a pretty good insulator. When the baby is in the hall, it is relatively quiet inside their apartment.”
“They don’t automatically know that their neighbor can hear their baby more from the hallway than, say, from an adjacent room via a shared bedroom wall. Or ten minutes can feel like two when you’re sleep-deprived.”
“Even total misanthropes would do well to keep the peace with neighbors whenever possible. It can make or break your whole quality of life!” – advicefivecents
“Look, I’ve got a child who screams, and taking him outside can quickly change his attitude. The change in location within seconds turns screams into calm.”
“My suspicion is their above or below neighbour already made a complaint about them, which moved them into trying out the hallway instead.”
“NTA. Write them a note, but just be kind. Parenting is hard.” – Archon-Toten
“Hi OP. I’m sorry for the situation you’re in. I have health issues and work from home. Loud repetitive sounds at certain registers also have a negative impact on how I feel on bad days, it ties into the neurological condition I have.”
“Additionally, I had one baby, 15 years ago now, who had colic and lactose intolerance. She wasn’t a good sleeper and was fussy all the time, and it was exhausting.”
“I’d send your note, in an envelope, but I’d keep it brief and friendly, and make it clear that it’s from you.”
“Something like, ‘Hello. When you walk the baby in the hallways, the sounds echo and carry much louder into my apartment. The noise is impacting my sleep, and my medical conditions. Could you please keep the baby inside after (whatever time is reasonable to you)? Thank you so much.'”
“When I was a new mom, and if I were in this situation, I’d have wanted to receive a direct note with a clear directive. Just my opinion. Oh, and NTA!” – thatratbast**dfool
“NTA. As a mom of several and someone who has nannied professionally for dozens of families, this is not ‘your problem.'”
“Yes, parenting is hard, and it’s especially difficult when their baby is colicky, has some medical/GI issue, and/or is simply ‘in a mood.'”
“But it’s not appropriate to walk a screaming baby in a shared space and disturb others’ peace. It’s just not. Pass the note, and then escalate to management if necessary. I’m sorry everyone in this situation has to deal with this!” – randomsuburbia
“NTA. For the sake of diplomacy i would also include that you will continue to do your best to offer the same consideration and limit noisy activities that may disrupt/disturb the baby.”
“It reinforces that you’re happy to reciprocate neighbourly behaviours and are not having a go at them. . . Hopefully it will also remind them how easily they themselves can be disturbed by a noisy hallway if the behaviour continues.” – Last-Butterscotch-68
The subReddit could understand the frustrating situation the OP was in and thought that reaching out could be helpful. But some ways would be more helpful than others, and it was important to remember that the OP wasn’t the only one going through a rough time. Perhaps sticking together and helping each other out would make the situation better for everyone.