Generally speaking, everyone should perform the job they are paid to do, even if they don’t exactly like the way things are being run or who’s in charge.
Tempting as it might be to quit, if we had signed a contract of employment, doing so would likely get us into more trouble than it would be worth.
When people demand we work jobs we’re fired from or quit, that’s an entirely different story.
Redditor BlacksmithThink5923’s family business was hired for an event.
Unfortunately, an altercation involving the police ended up causing problems at this event.
Leading one of the original poster (OP)’s supervisors to accuse them of “ruining” this event and firing them.
Much to the OP’s surprise, however, this same supervisor called expecting them to show up at this event regardless, which the OP refused to do.
Having some doubts about their decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITH).
Unlike the similar “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for ruining a wedding?”
The OP explained why they refused to show up for a wedding they were hired to cater:
“My wife and I own a catering company.”
“Our oldest son is fifteen and helps a lot with events.”
“He’s autistic, but he’s very capable when he’s accommodated.”
“We were contracted to cater a rehearsal dinner and a wedding.”
“The rehearsal dinner was obviously much smaller than the wedding.”
“With me, my wife and our oldest, we could pull the whole thing off without using any employees and save a chunk of change.”
“The wedding planner also hired a bartender to make drinks, as we don’t offer that service.”
“Our son was setting up the tables and chairs while my wife and I were unloading the food.”
“The bartender asked my son to help him unload some boxes of wine, and my son said no.”
“The bartender offered to tip him, and my son said that he can’t touch alcohol.”
“The bartender told him he was being difficult, and my son started ignoring him, because that’s how he responds to stress.”
“The bartender tried to talk to him, and when my son continued to ignore him, he grabbed my son by the shoulder and shook him.”
“My son ran to me and told me what happened.”
“I called the police.”
“The bartender started arguing with me.”
“I kept telling him to wait for the police to arrive.”
“My son went to my wife.”
“When the bartender found out my son was fifteen he got nervous and left before the police arrived.”
“After the deputy showed up and while I was talking to him the wedding planner showed up to ask what was going on.”
“I asked her to wait while I finished talking to the deputy.”
“My wife and son had gone back to setting up after the bartender left.”
“The wedding planner demanded I talk to her and tell her why the police were present.”
“The deputy told her she had to wait.”
“She stood by and listened to our conversation.”
“I told the deputy what happened.”
“He said since he didn’t witness anything he couldn’t do anything, but to call him if the bartender returned.”
“When the deputy left the wedding planner called the bartender to ask him to come back.”
“He said he wouldn’t come back because he was worried I’d call the cops again.”
“Ultimately the rehearsal dinner had great food but no alcohol.”
“The wedding planner asked us to serve at least the wine and beer the bartender had brought but we refused because A) we don’t offer that service B) we aren’t licensed to do that and C) that stuff didn’t belong to us.”
“After the dinner the wedding planner went off on us.”
“She said we ruined the event and that we were fired.”
“I clarified with her that she didn’t want us to show up to the wedding venue and cater the wedding (which was the next day).”
“She said she didn’t.”
“I said okay.”
“We left.”
“My son actually filmed our conversation, and I watched it when we got home, and she was very clear.”
“At four AM she called us to talk about the wedding.”
“I reminded her she fired us.”
“She said we were already paid, so we had to show up anyway.”
“I said she fired us.”
“She said if we didn’t show up she would sue.”
“I told her to sue.”
“I also told her I had her on video firing us.”
“We did not cater the wedding.”
“I heard from the DJ that they ended up ordering pizza.”
“The bride was apparently screamed at the wedding planner for half an hour about it.”
“I actually feel a little bad, because the bride didn’t do anything.”
“Maybe I was being petty and should have showed up anyway.”
“We did not return any money (as per our contract) and we ate or donated the food that had already been prepared.”
“I know legally I did nothing wrong, but I feel like a bit of a d*ck.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While some applauded the OP for standing up for their son and felt they were justified in not going to the wedding, others felt the OP unnecessarily escalated the situation by calling the police, and may have been in breach of contract:
“Ok so I’ll be slightly different here.”
“I’m saying this as an attorney who has a practice that includes small business consulting.”
“First, please try to avoid using your son as an employee where others might need to be the one providing the accommodations.”
“I respect you trying to save money as well as employ him, but you said he needs accommodations.”
“That could cause issues.”
“It did with communication here.”
“The bartender was wrong.”
“Full stop on this issue.”
“But do not open yourself to problems in the future.”
“Second, go back and check who signed your contract – the wedding planner or the wedding party.”
“If the wedding planner hired you, then you are in the clear. If the bride and groom signed, you are in a world of legal hurt.”
“You needed to be terminated by them – not the planner.”
“By now not showing, you breached the contract.”
“If the bride and groom signed the contract, not only are you legally wrong, but then YTA.”-PokerLawyer75
“ESH.”
“Your son was right not to touch the alcohol, but you are absolutely the AH for going straight to the police.”
“You should have gone to the wedding planner first, and demanded that the dude be replaced ASAP or you’d call the police for assault.”
“You knew damn well the police would do jack, and you escalated anyway without going to the logical person who was coordinating everything, and you screwed the wedding planner AND THE COUPLE over.”
“It’s on the wedding planner, too, for her poor management of this conflict.”
“It was really dumb and unprofessional of her to basically fire you without the intention of following through.”
“You are also petty AF for bailing on the wedding day.”
“You screwed over the couple because of your beef with the planner, and if your contract was with them you might even be liable for it.”
“All of you, caterers, bartenders, and wedding planners, are extremely unprofessional, and you ruined a couple’s wedding because of it.”
That day is not something they can replicate, and it probably cost them thousands.
“Shame on you, I wouldn’t be surprised if all of you either got sued or at least got your collective butts dragged all over the internet.”- ExcellentCold7354
“I guess I don’t understand why it had to escalate so quickly.”
“It chips away at your professionalism, and it completely affected the hopefully concerning lifetime event.”
“Perhaps on paper you technically didn’t do anything wrong, but you missed out on exercising your humanity a bit.”
“Stand up for your son?”
“Check Take it a step too far?”
“Check Ruin a wedding?”
“Check. Take the high road?”
“Nope Remain professional?”
“Nope Exercise grace?”
“Nope.”
“If you feel like a d*** take the opportunity to do better in the future.”
“Poke around the internet and read up on ways to diffuse situations, people, interactions.”
“What would you have wanted if your wedding had been interrupted by the same exact situation?”
“How would that feel, being the groom and not the caterer in that situation?”
“Would you be an understanding groom?”
“Would you want your caterer to do better or differently?”
“It also could be a time to fine-tune how your son is a part of your catering business.”
“Lots of people have to be told what to do in situations they have no experience with.”
“In the future, maybe pulling aside other professionals at an event like a bartender and letting them know my son is my employee, and if you need anything from him, to go through you or your wife, vs just talking to your son.”
“There is nothing wrong and everything right with standing up for your son, but why did the reaction have to be so extreme?”
“It could have been a learning moment for that bartender, instead the bartender’s gig was lost due to his fear of being arrested (again, why so extreme?) the whole thing is sour grapes.”
“It really is.”- Old-Study-9362
It was certainly wrong of the bartender to physically handle the OP’s son.
However, while any parent’s first concern is the safety and well-being of their child, was this a situation where the police were necessary, rather than just reporting him to the wedding planner?
And even if the wedding planner verbally fired them, since they had already been paid, shouldn’t they have still provided the service they paid for?
Possibly questions for the law to ultimately decide.