We can never be too sure exactly who we can trust.
There are some people we think we can trust wholeheartedly with secret information and getting things done.
But even our nearest and dearest are capable of disappointing us.
Or even behaving duplicitously behind our backs.
Redditor DearMushroom9558 thought she was in a healthy relationship with her partner.
Until the original poster (OP) caught her partner behaving in a rather suspicious manner.
When the OP confronted her partner over this, her responses left the OP feeling there was truly no other solution but to end their relationship.
Concerned she may have been overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH).
Unlike the similar “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH (36 F[emale]) for breaking up with my partner (35, ) because they kept unplugging my cameras behind my back?
The OP explained why they felt there was no other choice but to end her relationship:
I (36 F[emale]) was dating my partner (35 F[emale]) for almost a year.”
“I have my own apartment with my two dogs.”
“From the day we met, we hung out every single day at my place.”
“She loves my dogs and she can’t have pets at her place, so it was the natural thing to do to hang at my place.”
“We would hang out from the time we were both off work until it was time to go to bed and on weekends she would sleep at my place.”
“She never gave me any reason not to trust her.”
“Up until a few months ago, I did have a roommate, but once they moved out, I placed a couple Ring cameras inside my house so I can see what my dogs are up to when I’m not home.”
“I will usually click ‘Live View’ and check on them at that exact moment.”
“I rarely check back on the recorded videos unless there is something specific that happened, like one of the dogs chewing something up, or if a cute moment happened and I want to watch it back.”
“One of the cameras was plugged into an extension cord which left the plug for the camera to sit on the countertop in the kitchen.”
“A month or two ago, I noticed that this camera would be unplugged sometimes.”
“At first, I thought nothing of it and figured it must have been bumped and got disconnected that way.”
“After it happened a few more times, I finally decided I was going to look back on the recording history and see what the heck was going on each time the camera got unplugged.”
“I was shocked, to say the least, when I found several videos where the last few seconds before the camera was disconnected, I saw my partner waiting until I left the room.”
“It seemed to happen when I would take my dogs outside to go to the bathroom.”
“My partner would go to the front door and look out to see what I am doing, then she would quickly (and nervously) walk over to where the camera was plugged in, she would be out of the frame, but the camera would freeze for a few seconds before ending.”
“The recordings would start again after I plugged the camera back in a day or two later.”
“I would usually notice it was unplugged on my lunch break when I would clean up the kitchen and my partner would not be at my house.”
“When I said ‘nervously’, what I mean is while she was hurrying to where the camera is plugged in, she would look back at the front door to make sure I’m not coming back inside, and she would put her finger up to her mouth, like biting her nails type of thing, that usually kinda looks like a nervous tendency.”
“This did not happen just once.”
“It happened at least 4 times.”
“And every single time, it was after I had left the room.”
“And the videos absolutely look like she is being sneaky.”
“And for what, I am not sure?”
“When I saw her next, before confronting her, I asked her if she knew why that camera kept getting unplugged.”
“To which she replied that she didn’t know and that maybe she had bumped it, causing it to disconnect.”
“I plugged the camera in and started banging it around to see if the plug was perhaps loose in the outlet.”
“It was not.”
“She lied to my face.”
“I confronted her with the videos, and she said the reason she unplugged them is because she can ‘hear electricity’ and that the high-pitched noise that the camera was making was driving her insane.”
“She said she didn’t say anything to me about it because she thought I would be upset.”
“Which is crazy, because why would I get upset about something like that?”
“I would not sit there and make her, or anybody, be driven up a wall over some noise that is annoying them.”
“I asked her to leave my house that night because her answers were not making sense to me and I needed to collect myself.”
“Well, I ended up ending the relationship because everything about it seems so sneaky and weird.”
“I will say that for the past two months, I had my Adderall come up missing, and she is the only person who comes over to my house.”
“So it must either be her or my co-workers.”
“I did not accuse her of stealing my meds!”
“She has since begged me to take her back and has said that nothing happened when she turned the cameras off and that it was the noise that was bugging her.”
“And saying that, of course, I can trust her.”
“But the sneaky way she checked on me after I left the room before running to turn the cameras off is too weird for me, and I don’t feel that I can trust her anymore.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP did the right thing by breaking up with her partner.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s partner was beyond suspicious, and agreed that her responses made it clear that she couldn’t be trusted:
“Hey now that you’re single, don’t you think it’s a good time to learn you can break up for any reason?”- Substantial_Win1725
“NTA.”
“Unless you take her back.”- Truebeliever-14
“NTA.”
“But I’d be willing to bet she also stole your meds.”
“If they were near the unplugged camera, then she absolutely did.”
“If she had been honest when you asked, I might have said you overreacted, but given your whole story, no way.”
“Cut her loose and move on with your life.”
“You’re young and will find someone trustworthy to spend your time with.”- Oldmandeerhunter
“NTA.”
“She’s jones’en for that adderall!”
“Keep her out!”- Intrepid-Box-7461
“Ask her what happened to your Adderall.”
“When she says she doesn’t know, remind her she denied unplugging the camera until you confronted her with video evidence, and then ask her if she thinks that was the only camera you had in your house, then ask her again.”
“Check to make sure the Adderall is the only thing that has gone missing.”
“Do not let her back into your house or your life.”- Historical_Agent9426
“NTA!”
“That’s addict behavior.”
“Straight up.”
“Especially the nervousness before unplugging the cameras.”
“Constantly checking over her shoulder to see where you were.”
“It was premeditated, and she’s the one stealing your meds.”
“Let’s be real.”
“Your gut knows the truth.”
“Don’t lie to yourself.”
“And when people show you who they are, believe them.”
“She’s upset that she no longer has access to YOUR Adderall.”
“Again, NTAH- don’t let her back in.”
“Change your passwords and PIN/Security codes.”- Stunning-Ad3377
“‘My GF kept unplugging the security cameras and acting shady, also my medication that is commonly abused is going missing, and she is the only other person in my house’.”
“My guy.”
“Read it back.”
“You did the right thing, addicts will drag you down with them every time.”- Raivnholm
“NTA.”
“Look, this is a huge red flag.”
“Like if she has an issue with ‘electricity’, then why does she not have an issue with a tv running or the fridge going?”
“Or like 90% of the cables and wires in the house.”
“I don’t think the red flag is so big to be like she is cheating on you.”
“But someone who will go around and lie to your face is not someone you want around.”
“If she just came out with it straight when you asked her there would have been some leeway I think.”
“Like I get being embarrassed about something like that.”
“Especially when it’s something 90% of the world (me included) are going to think she is crazy for.”
“But the straight-up lying and only telling a partial truth when you confronted her is the biggest issue.”
“Because even if it’s not, that’s how you will start thinking she treats all issues.”
“And then where is the trust.”
“But idk the biggest question remains.”
“Will you ever be able to trust her again?”
“Because, well, I would not be able to.”
“I would be second-guessing everything she said because if, after almost a year, she could not be honest with you about something small and silly, that is worrying.”
“And it would make me a level of paranoid that I don’t want in a relationship.”
“If a relationship is making you a worse person and not a better one, then it is time for that relationship to end.”- Fit_Secretary_4066
It’s bad enough that the OP caught her partner red-handed unplugging the cameras.
But regardless of her reasons, if she felt the need to do anything behind the OP’s back and then scream those vicious lies in her face, it’s hard to see how this relationship had any chance of surviving.
As relationships are built on trust.