The end of life can be a daunting thought.
The end will come for everyone.
That is just inevitable.
If a person is lucky, they get to go out on their own terms.
But not everyone agrees with some people’s end-of-life choices.
Redditor sickma2001 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for sneaking my mom some alcohol when she is in hospice?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My mom is in her 50s and dying from liver cancer.”
“She is terminal and currently undergoing in-home hospice care.”
“My mother has always lived an unhealthy lifestyle.”
“She was an extremely heavy smoker for years and luckily quit between 10-15 years ago, and she’s very proud of that.”
“But she’s been morbidly obese her whole life, she hasn’t treated her type two diabetes well enough, and for a few years, she was drinking 4-6 5% alcoholic drinks per day for about 4-5 days per week.”
“All this compounded, and she ended up with liver cancer.”
“By the time it was caught, it was terminal.”
“When she started feeling sick (which turned out to be the cancer), she stopped drinking except for rare occasions.”
“I visit my mom 2-3 times per week.”
“I talk to her, we watch TV, and I’ll bring her what she asks for.”
“She recently talked about how she missed her drink of choice.”
“She wanted a couple to have.”
“I got a list of her meds and made sure there were no or minimal interactions, and when she had a really good day with no pain meds, I brought her a six-pack of her favorite drink.”
“She was very happy and drank two and then went to sleep.”
“I told my siblings about this when I updated them a few days after.”
“They got really mad at me because she has liver cancer and her liver isn’t right, but I still gave her alcohol.”
“This was weeks ago, and she still has 4 cans out of the 6-pack leftover, and she hasn’t had them.”
“But even if she did, she’s going to die, let her enjoy her time!”
“They think I was harming her and causing her to die faster by giving her the alcoholic drinks.”
“I think I gave her an evening of enjoyment when she doesn’t have many left.”
“I’ve been catching flak from this for weeks, and now it’s spreading to other family members.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA for giving my mother alcoholic drinks when she is on hospice for liver cancer?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the a**hole.
“I’m a nurse and would’ve snuck her some myself.”
“People are weird about grief, OP.”
“I’ve had many family members concerned that their loved one in hospice would become dependent on pain medication.”
“I think it’s mostly denial.” ~ unrequited_dream
“I volunteered in our local hospice for 10 years.”
“Residents basically got whatever they wanted to eat and drink.”
“The hospice supplied well-rounded meals and baking, but family members could bring in anything the resident wanted.”
I’m sorry your family is struggling with your decision, but, in my opinion, it’s the correct one.” ~ AngryCornbread
“I 100% agree with you.”
“My grandmother’s daughters got really weird about letting her have any fried food because it was ‘bad for her.'”
“She was on her deathbed with end-stage congestive heart failure, diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol.”
“A[uthorized] T[reating] P[hysician] doctors had given her weeks if she was lucky.”
“So I started sneaking her fried fish dinners or fried shrimp dinners.”
“She got to enjoy about 5 before she died.”
“When my aunts found out, they wanted me banned from visiting her, but the doctor told them to STFU and let a dying woman enjoy herself. NTA.” ~ Loose-Chemical-4982
“I wonder if they don’t fully understand what hospice care is.”
“NTA by the way.”
“I’d have done it too, and I am a medical professional.” ~ Spiritual_Ad8626
“NTA. My friend’s mom went on a girl’s trip with her best friend and that friend’s two daughters.”
“She was terminal and had not much longer, so she wanted one last trip to the Casino.”
“This woman had been a nurse in a cancer unit and was well aware of what was coming next. “
“She asked to have a drink, and when one of the daughters questioned it, she said, ‘What’s it gonna do? Kill me?'”
“Overall, it sounded like a wonderful trip for everyone.” ~ DentataRidesAgain
“My mom was in hospice after a massive stroke that impacted her ability to process pain (even a touch felt like it hurt).”
“She was crying and asking for pain meds.”
“The AH nurse said, “There’s an opioid crisis; you’ll have to wait an hour.'”
“I had just picked up mom’s meds from her old assisted living and found an oxycodone, and gave it to her.”
“The nurse came in an hour later and gave her another one.”
“She was high as a kite and giggling the rest of the night.’
“Zero regrets.” ~ Excellent-Shape-2024
“My grandmother was withholding my grandfather’s medication while he was in hospice in case he got addicted.”
“I followed her line of thinking.”
“I asked, Grandma, he has a broken neck, and before that hadn’t walked in another 15 months.”
“He has dementia, he doesn’t recognize anyone, he takes off to the Opera randomly.”
“Even if he gets addicted, even if he leaves hospice, he isn’t getting up out of this bed to go score heroin under the overpass.” ~ FThisExistence
“I smoked a joint with my 89-year-old dad, twice, during his last two days, with irreversible congestive heart failure.”
“He also had a form of blood cancer, but that’s not what he was dying from.”
“Drank a mimosa with my 76-year-old mom for breakfast on her last day.”
“Kidney and bladder cancer that’d spread to her lymph nodes.”
“Snuck a six pack of beer into my best friend’s 66-year-old dad (who was like a second dad to me) the day before he died of prostate cancer.”
“All three of his sons and his daughter (my best friend), his wife, and I all toasted him as he enjoyed a few sips of his last beer (In-hospital hospice).”
“Poured my 98-year-old neighbor one last shot of her favorite whiskey a few hours before she passed.”
“She’d had multiple strokes in four days, and it was a stunning surprise she’d ‘survived.'”
“The first stroke, much less the subsequent ones, as long as she did, but I am of the firm belief she held on exactly as long as she needed to for all her children to travel to see her one last time.”
“She only had a sip of the whiskey; it was all she could, but I’ll never forget her smile.”
“Snuck a slice of Pizza Hut pan pizza into my 44-year-old cousin, her favorite food.”
“Extra cheese and sausage.”
“Breast cancer, in-hospital hospice.”
“I am beyond blessed I was able to bring each of them a little bit of joy in their last days, and I hope that when my last days come, there is someone in my life who will do the same for me. NTA.” ~ Greygal_Eve
“NTA. She’s in hospice, let her do what she wants, what’s it gonna do… kill her?”
“Pretty sure that’s inevitable, so just enjoy the time left, beer in hand.” ~ TannMan89
“Hospice nurse here – literally what this person said.”
“She’s in hospice, she’s not getting any better, and it’s comfort and quality of life at this point.”
“Let her have some booze if that’s what she wants.”
“Don’t let her drink a handle, but if she wants a few drinks at night, it literally won’t do her any more harm than what her body is doing.” ~ ShesASatellite
“NTA. As a former hospice nurse, providing comfort for patients in their final days is incredibly important.”
“Drinking alcohol will not hasten the dying process at this stage.”
“It would be wise to talk with the nursing team so they’re in the loop.”
“I’d often tell my patients, if they want to eat cake for breakfast, eat cake for breakfast!”
“Or whatever else feels right for their body at that time.”
“Let people enjoy what time they have left.” ~ plantkittywitchbaby
“NTA. This sounds like when my grandfather found out he had metastasized lung cancer.”
“Grandpa asked if he should quit smoking [he’d smoked since he was a teen].”
“The doctor said, no, not any point to stop.”
“It won’t change a thing.” ~ not4loveormoney
“My grandma isn’t actively dying, but she’s almost 98, and I’m on board with letting her do whatever she wants.”
“She doesn’t want to drink her protein shake, and she wants candy instead?”
“I say f**k it.”
“She recently had a minor stroke, and when I went to visit her, my aunt was trying to make her sit up to cough because she was afraid she would aspirate.”
“She said, ‘Oh, good, beautiful as usual, is a nurse, she will make grandma do it.’”
“No, I will not.”
“Grandma is pretty with it mentally; she can make her own decisions.” ~ beautifulasusual
“When my Dad was dying, all he wanted was an orange popsicle.”
“But we weren’t supposed to give him anything because it would delay their dying process.”
“We let him have a bite anyway, and it made him so happy.”
“It was one of the last times I saw him smile.” ~ EatsTheLastSlice
“A good death is about prioritizing quality of life.”
“If the drinks gave her pleasure and joy, more power to her. “
“I’ve worked in palliative care – the traditional healthcare rules often get thrown out of the window – I haven’t seen so many patients drinking and smoking in a healthcare setting as I have in a palliative care unit.”
“Your siblings mean well, but they are viewing the situation through a more traditional lens.”
“It may also be triggering for them to see your mother doing the very thing that is taking her away from you all so prematurely, so I also understand their distress.”
“So, NAH as far as I’m concerned.” ~ allora1
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your mom is nearing the end.
She deserves whatever peace she can find.
Your siblings need to relax.
Good luck and sorry for your loss.