At one point, women of social stature were required to attend “finishing schools” to learn how to be “proper ladies.” A big part was learning all the dos and don’ts of social interactions.
Earth-shatteringly important stuff like how to set a proper table for tea versus a dinner party and what to wear to certain functions or during certain seasons.
Weddings had their own reams of etiquette rules to strictly adhere to unless they wanted to invite the apocalypse and ceasing of all life in the universe.
Seriously.
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Super important stuff.
In this century, finishing schools and the etiquette they preached are mostly echoes of distant memories. Wedding etiquette endured a bit longer than tea party tableware guidance, but as of 2026, people are increasingly throwing those rules out the window as well.
And in online forums like Reddit, people are fed up with archaic wedding dress codes and other over-the-top demands.
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Unfortunately, as some traditions finally die, people create new ones.
Now there are mandatory $5,000-per-person bachelor/bachelorette trips, and suddenly only the bride is allowed to have even a speck of white on any outfit worn at any even tangential wedding event, from the engagement announcement to the wedding reception.
A woman turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after being chastised by the bride’s future in-laws for her bridal shower outfit.
SavetheZebraQueen61 asked:
“AITA for wearing ‘white’ to a bridal shower?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (45, female) went to my cousin’s bridal shower over the weekend. I wore a bold geometric print skirt with a teal cardigan and a cream-colored sleeveless blouse.”
“My cousin was wearing an adorable pink dress that screamed Audrey Hepburn with nudes heels. She looked like she walked off a 50s Paris runway. Insanely cute. Absolutely loved it!”
“Everyone else was mainly in spring colors and floral designs. Not my scene, to be honest. I have a more boho-chic vibe, which was a stark contrast. Guess you could say I stood out.”
“I wore the skirt because my cousin absolutely loves it, and the blouse and cardigan are my go-to tops to pair with it. Please note that the skirt was NOT white or cream-colored. It was bold reds, golds, Yellows and teals with only small patches of white throughout.”
“I got to the shower and started mingling. I should mention, I’m a bigger woman. I get warm very easily. So I wear layers in case I start to get uncomfortable. Which I did. It was very warm so I took off my cardigan.”
“I went up to the drink table to refill my water when an older woman, probably mid-60s, came up beside me. I smiled and asked her if I was in her way. Again, I’m a big woman, and I have a tendency to get in the way unintentionally.”
“She said no, but wanted to ask if I felt what I was wearing was appropriate. I get this a lot from older women given my size and my attraction to sleeveless tops. But I’m comfortable in my body and don’t give a sh*t what people think.”
“And I told her as much, sans the give a sh*t part. She chuckled and said no, did I think it was appropriate to wear white to someone else’s bridal shower?”
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“I was taken aback for a moment, but eventually responded, ‘Well, the bride doesn’t care, so why would anyone else?’ And walked back to my table.”
“The bride truly didn’t care. She loved it, mainly the skirt, and said it made me look I’d lost 20 lbs. I’ve lost 30, but I’m gonna let that slide.”
“I saw the lady go back to another group of women who kept giving me disapproving looks. Whatever, I’m not there for them.”
“A little bit later, my cousin started opening presents when my aunt realized she didn’t have a piece of paper or pen to write down who brought what. I happened to have both in my purse and offered it to her.”
“She asked if I could sit up front and keep the list for her while she organized the gifts as they were opened. I agreed and went to sit closer so I could hear and see everything.”
“When we got the gift from the commenter, she had the same last name as the groom. Turns out it was the groom’s mother, my cousin’s future mother-in-law (MIL).”
“And the group of people she was sitting with were her sisters and groom’s cousins. All of whom did not look happy to see me up by the bride.”
“After gifts were done and I gave the list to my aunt, I went back to my seat and raised my glass to future MIL and her group and started laughing to myself.”
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“They saw. They didn’t like it one bit.”
“The laugh was mainly to myself at the absurdity of the situation. My cousins asked me what was so funny and I said I’d tell them later.”
“After the shower, I told my cousins about MIL’s comment and how I inadvertently got petty revenge by sitting my white-wearing butt by the bride during gift time. Most of them laughed, but a few said I was an a**hole and should have let someone else keep the gift list.”
“I don’t think I did anything wrong, so I wanted some outside opinions and am willing to accept my judge.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I don’t think I am the a**hole as I was not dressed head to toe in ‘white’ nor did the bride have a problem with my outfit selection, but her future in-laws did.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO – more information needed
Redditors unanimously decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. First of all, it wasn’t the wedding. I’m sure the bride didn’t wear her wedding dress to the bridal shower.”
“Secondly, of course, it’s OK if your outfit ‘includes’ some white (or cream). The rule is against all-white, or trying to look like you’re the bride.” ~ 1962Michael
“My grandmother wore a flowy white & navy (navy was our wedding colour) pant and blouse set to my wedding. The outfit, while primarily white, was perfect for the weather, fit my grandmother’s style well, and was super cute on her.”
“No one was mistaking her for the bride. There is a level of nuance to ‘don’t wear white to a wedding’.”
“All white dress. Rethink your choices. Cream-coloured top with bold colours for the skirt, welcome to the party. Plus, this WASN’T THE WEDDING.” ~ MegWithSocks
“It’s honestly wild how the idea of the bride and only the bride wearing white to all pre-wedding events has taken such a strong hold. To the point that people advocate ruining relationships over a cream blouse at a bridal shower.”
“I, as a bride, did not wear white to my shower or to my rehearsal dinner, and guess what? I’m just as married as the brides who go out and buy a brand new white dress for every pre-wedding occasion.” ~ blackbird828
“Seriously…a white-ish blouse? With a brightly colored skirt and sweater? What’s next… don’t carry a white purse or wear white socks? This is truly ridiculous!” ~ rainyhawk
“People have become way too judgmental over such a stupid, petty thing, and I’m seeing way too many occurrences of people using the rule as an excuse to be bullies and wreck relationships.”
“The ‘rule’ about wearing white:”
“a) applies only to the wedding day;”
“b) applies to outfits/dresses that are wholly white and/or are designed to look like a bridal gown;”
“c) does not apply to the background colour of a patterned fabric, or to shirts or blouses worn as part of an otherwise colourful outfit.”
“Also, just for completeness, the rule does not apply to children’s clothing, because they are not going to be mistaken for the bride!” ~ Normal-Height-8577
“It also gets boring as the bride! I was excited to buy a white dress for my engagement party, but as someone who wears mostly black and doesn’t particularly look good in white, the novelty wore off really quick.”
“I found myself browsing white dresses online for other pre-wedding events, and just got bored and turned off by how I felt influenced to buy a single-use outfit essentially since I don’t like wearing white”
“I ended up wearing a black and white dress to my shower, a thrifted white and gold sequin dress to my bachelorette party (my friends wanted to coordinate, so I actually had everyone wear white out so we looked absurd as a big group), and an ancient Halloween costume to my rehearsal dinner since it was on Halloween.”
“I barely remember what anyone else wore to the shower, and loved what everyone came up with for the Bachelorette and Halloween rehearsal!” ~ quantumhotpocket
As the saying goes, traditions are peer pressure from dead people.
There are major things happening in the world, and a future daughter-in-law’s cousin’s cream blouse at the bridal shower, ain’t it?
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Seriously!