Not everybody is a fan of children.
That’s ok, not everybody has to be a fan of children.
There are times when adults just want to be out and about with other adults.
In these scenarios, it’s the parents who must be accommodating to the rest of the group.
That is the life of a parent, though.
Redditor HistoricalCow101 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITAH for refusing to allow my friend’s 6-year-old stepkid in my apartment and ending the friendship over it?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (29 M[ale]) had a friend “Y” (we were friends for over 10 years).”
“He’s been dating ‘M’ for about a year, and she has a 6-year-old daughter.”
“Y decided to take her as his stepdaughter.”
“My G[irl]F[riend] (27 F[emale]) and I have been together for 6ish years, living together for 2, and we don’t enjoy being around kids that much, and Y knows this.”
“The issue started when Y and M began bringing her daughter to every group plan (movies, restaurants, hangouts), without asking if others were okay with it (none of my friends have kids besides them).”
“On top of that, they don’t control her behavior.”
“She grabs our phones and stuff without permission, tries to grab and chase our pets in our apartment, and invades personal space, while they do nothing.”
“Even before the main conflict, they would often ask everyone to adapt our plans so their daughter could be included.”
“For example, suggesting we watch kids’ movies, go to places without alcohol, or generally shift plans to be more child-friendly, even when we wanted to do other stuff.”
“Because of all this, my girlfriend and I stopped wanting to include them in plans at our apartment.”
“I told Y clearly that we don’t want kids in our home.”
“He kept arguing and trying to convince me I was wrong for not liking his stepdaughter instead of respecting our decision.”
“Things escalated when my girlfriend organized her birthday party at our apartment and wrote in the invitation that she wanted no kids at her party.”
“Y messaged me saying that was rude and that ‘a sane person wouldn’t write that.’”
“I defended my girlfriend, telling Y it’s her party, our home, and we can set whatever rules we want.”
“He also criticized my girl personally, saying she’s ‘hostile’ and makes things uncomfortable for everyone.”
“At that point, I snapped.”
“I felt he hugely disrespected my girlfriend.”
“I also felt pressured and tired of the constant arguments and lack of boundaries.”
“I told him I didn’t want to continue the friendship.”
“In the end, our mutual friends sided with me and also decided to distance themselves from Y and M, so he pretty much lost all of his friends for this.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITAH?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Y & M just want not to be inconvenienced.”
“They want to bring the kid everywhere and let her be everyone else’s problem instead of actually being parents.” ~ peakpenguins
“The irony of your friend thinking it’s rude that your girlfriend organized a no-kids party when they’ve been imposing the child on everyone.”
“Causing discomfort and stress on top of all that.”
“He is going to regret losing his friends if he and his girlfriend break up. NTA.” ~ IceSeeker
“THIS! How incredibly hostile and insulting for the ‘friend’ to expect everyone to just accept unruly behavior.”
“Get a babysitter!”
“People go to have an enjoyable evening without kids.” ~ Traditional_Fan_2655
“Yeah, kids change the whole dynamic of an adult-only event.”
“The child is bored (of course, they are) and doesn’t want to be there, so they act out for any and all attention.”
“They’ll interrupt, get into things they’re not supposed to, whine, cry, and, in OP’s situation, become destructive.”
“It’s just too much to constantly ask to include the child in every outing.”
“This friend wanted to get with his friends, and everything stayed the same, but it’s not the same.”
“It’s disruptive for the group; he’s in denial. NTA.” ~ Choice-Try-2873
“If nobody wants to hang out with you, you’re the common denominator. NTA.”
“While a child changes your life, they do not become a universal remote to change everyone else’s.”
“Not everyone wants to revolve their life around someone else’s kid, and they don’t have to. “
“Y and M need to accept that other people’s lives still go on, and the child does not have to be accommodated every single time.” ~ Alkuna
“They are too cheap to get a sitter and are making it everyone else’s problem. NTA.” ~ the_Jolly_GreenGiant
“NTA. He needs friends with kids and a reality check.”
“It sounds like he’s expecting everyone to cater to him and his daughter without even asking-you even communicated wonderfully with him!”
“He can find friends to watch kid movies with by looking for PARENTS. “
“It’s a whole different lifestyle, and that’s ok, but it’s not yours.”
“It sounds like your friends feel the same way, and you’re just the one who finally put your foot down.”
“Good for you for standing up for your partner.” ~ Conscious-Pride-4383
“Honestly, there are lots of people who don’t have the money or support system to have someone watch their kid, but trying to shoehorn a child into every plan is egregiously inconsiderate.”
“The truth is they aren’t willing to make sacrifices, neither for their child nor their friends.”
“I wouldn’t even say there is a problem with asking if their friends can accommodate in some situations, but being outright hostile because someone specifically said they don’t want children at an event is bullsh*t.”
“Let alone after the kid is misbehaving, and it’s not like there are other children around.” ~ 7itemsorFEWER
“NTA. I don’t dislike children, but they are not invited to my house. Ever.”
“It is not in any way a dangerous environment, but I drink, I cuss, I fire up a Pinner whenever I fuckin’ feel like it, and I want to be free to chat about any topic.”
“I have cats and exotic animals that don’t like to be pestered.”
“I have adult hobbies with equipment of significant expense.”
“I have a large home that was built so you can’t hear what is going on in the next room.”
“I can’t stand SCREAMING or hyper-a** energy.”
“I don’t have any entertainment options for them.”
“I would question the character of anyone who thought hanging at my house is appropriate for children, frankly.”
“Why your ‘friends’ want to drag this poor kid to adult parties is beyond me.”
“If you still want to be around these people, I would start framing it as such: how does the CHILD benefit from all this?”
“Start questioning their parenting for demanding that the kid be exposed to adult-only activities.” ~ Complex_Spirit_4848
“NTA. First and Foremost it’s rude AF, to bring a child to an adult event at someone’s house, especially if the parents aren’t going to manage her.”
“Second, it’s just so crazy that Y would say it’s rude that op included a message about no kids, when they’re the reason it has to be said!?!”
“It’s great that Y has decided he’s going to be a stepdad, but he can’t force his choice onto others; none of the friends signed up for kids.” ~ Vegetable-Cod-2340
“NTA! In my home, I’ve always had a rule that if you don’t keep your children in line, I will!”
“I literally give no effs how that makes you feel.”
“Don’t like it?
“Here’s the door, don’t come back until you can show some respect for me and my home!” ~ Open_Entrepreneur_58
“NTA. They were too cheap to hire a babysitter, so they blew up their friendships instead.”
“Well, now they won’t need to go out anymore.” ~ Emotional_Fan_7011
“That’s crazy, expecting all the adults to always watch a kid-friendly movie.”
“I have a friend who tries to change plans or the movie we want to watch.”
“I just always say this is what I’m doing and not changing it.”
“You are welcome to come if you want, but if you don’t, I understand.”
“Sometimes they come, and sometimes they don’t.” ~ 18k_gold
“NTA. It absolutely is not fair for the friend group to always have to adapt plans for Y’s stepdaughter and have to put up with her misbehaving, too.”
“And you’re 100% correct that your gf can say she doesn’t want kids.”
“You’ve all been accommodating to the kid up until now, but this is a special occasion.”
“It’s about her, not them.”
“It’s very simple.”
“Leave the kid with a sitter (or family) or don’t come.”
“They can’t have it both ways.” ~ PM_ME_UR_REDPANDAS
“NTA. If they only want activities appropriate for kids, then they need to start arranging play dates with the kids’ friends’ parents to ensure that the kids are catered to.”
“It’s weird to expect your childless adult friends to prioritize a kid at EVERY gathering because you can’t be bothered to arrange childcare.” ~ allie06nd
“NTA. Not wanting kids in your own home is a perfectly reasonable boundary.”
“You didn’t insult the kid, you just said you don’t want children in your apartment, which is your space.”
“The bigger issue, honestly, sounds like the parents.”
“If a kid is grabbing people’s phones, chasing pets, and invading personal space while the adults do nothing, people are going to stop wanting them around.”
“That’s not ‘hating kids,’ that’s just basic boundaries.”
“Also, calling your girlfriend ‘hostile’ over a no-kids birthday party is wild.”
“Plenty of adults have child-free events.”
“If he couldn’t respect that, the friendship probably wasn’t going to work long term anyway.” ~ VirtualHustlerr
“NTA. There is a reason why friends usually drift apart once some of them start having kids, and the others don’t follow suit.”
“The lifestyles do not mesh anymore.”
“They need to go meet new friends with kids or learn to hire a sitter when socializing with kid-free folks.” ~ kmontreux
Reddit is with you and your GF, OP.
Your friend is completely out of line.
They’re the ones with a kid; it’s up to them to figure out scheduling.
You have every right not to want children at your events.