Having the support of a parent is a privilege, but never a guarantee.
Traditionally, most parents support their children financially until they grow up, at which point it becomes their responsibility to find a source of income.
Some parents, however, make their children work for everything from a very young age.
While other parents might continue to financially support their children well into adulthood.
Redditor Standard_Kick_9789 worked very hard to support their children until they graduated from university.
With both of their children now adults, the original poster (OP) decided to ease up on his work schedule a bit, taking a financial blow for a far more manageable schedule.
Unfortunately, this decision did not sit well with the OP’s wife or children, the latter both finding themselves struggling financially.
The OP felt there was an easy solution to this problem, a solution that infuriated his family.
After being called “lazy” for this solution, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH).
Unlike the similar “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
“AIATH for telling my wife to get a job if she wants to subsidize the kids.”
The OP explained why he told his wife to consider getting a job:
“Up until our youngest kid graduated from university, I worked crazy hours out of town to pay for everything.”
“I worked six weeks of twelve-hour days.”
“Then I would get three weeks off.”
“That works out to 56 hours a week if you average it out.”
“I’ve been doing that since I was thirty-five years old.”
“It allowed my wife to stay at home and take care of the kids and the house.”
“We also used it to pay off our mortgage as well as buy new cars for cash whenever we needed.”
“I’ll describe our budget so you guys can judge.”
“After taxes, we used my take-home to pay the mortgage and bills.”
“We then paid into the kids’ college funds.”
“Then into our retirement fund.”
“Then we topped up our retirement account.”
“We put money into our emergency fund.”
“Then whatever was left we split 50/50.”
“Our tax refund was our vacation fund.”
“Now I’m fifty-five, and I’m tired.”
“My body is beat, and I need to slow down.”
“Our kids are both through university.”
“Both got their degrees and have jobs.”
“I did my part.”
“The company I work for had a job open for an office job.”
“I applied and got it.”
“It is a 9-5 city job.”
“Forty hours a week.”
“Better hourly rate plus other compensation.”
“However, it is a lot less money without the overtime.”
“I was getting 44 hours a week of overtime.”
“That’s huge.”
“But we have money in the bank, and I have an easy stretch until I retire.”
“My wife, however, is upset.”
“Both kids are ‘struggling’.”
“For the record, they live at home rent-free.”
“But they want cars and apartments of their own.”
“They can afford that.”
“They just won’t be getting luxury cars and huge apartments.”
“We no longer have a mortgage, and my wife and I are both driving vehicles purchased in the last three years.”
“Still under warranty.”
“Our budget no longer has education funds either.”
“We still have more than we need, and my wife and I each have $1,000 each month to spend however we want.”
“I am saving up for a new garage/shop.”
“My wife has been giving hers to the kids.”
“She is hinting that I should also contribute.”
“I think I have contributed enough.”
“I told her to get a job.”
“She is only forty-six.”
“She can go to work and give them her salary.”
“I still provide housing and food for all of them.”
“So she won’t starve or anything.”
“She and the kids think that I’m being cruel, and one of the little sh*ts said I was being lazy by cutting my hours so much.”
“This is my hill to die on.”
“I’ve done the hard work long enough.”
“I want to enjoy my life.”
“Am I the a**hole for telling her to get a job and give them her money?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was past the point of needing to support their children.
Seeing as they were already allowing both their children to live in their home rent-free, everyone agreed that the OP was under no obligation to offer any other financial assistance, and if their wife disagreed, then she should get a job:
“NTA.”
“Your children need to learn to stand on their own two feet. How incredibly entitled of them to expect that you continue to fund their lifestyle.”
“What the hell are they using their degrees for?”
“Tell them to grow the hell up and sort their lives out.”- Aromatic_Escape3706
“The second that kid called me lazy would be when their free rent ended.”- Southernbeekeeper
“NTA.”
“Stick to what you said.”
“Enjoy the office job until you retire.”
“I am blown away that your wife and children are acting so entitled and ungrateful.”
“The nerve of a grown adult living in your house rent-free, calling you lazy!”
“That is unacceptable but it sounds like your wife is also ungrateful.”
“I think her getting a job is the perfect solution.”- Durchie87
“NTA.”
“Let her read all of these comments and make sure you don’t enable those freeloaders any more than she already have.”
“They need a reality check.”
“Enjoy your coast into retirement, you deserve it.”- Ok_Day_8559
“NTA.”
“It’s her choice to give her part of the money to the kids instead of telling them to go get a job or to find a job herself.”
“I understand that you guys had an agreement so she can stay at home and take care of the kids.”
“They are grown-ups now, so it’s time to be adults too.”
“You have done enough.”
“Let them face a bit of reality now.”- lebleudesreves
“You aren’t being cruel, honestly, it sounds like they are all being extremely entitled.”
“Honestly, maybe you handed the kids TOO much growing up?”
“I’m not sure, but they are adults now, and they need to step the f*ck up.”
“They should be paying bloody rent at the very least.”
“I agree she can get a job if she’s that bloody worried.”
“A lot of people don’t get 1k of fun money a month!”
“NTA, but you are to yourself if you don’t start charging them rent and bills although I don’t think your wife will support this.”- Gullible_Answer_5878
“Papa bear, you have done enough.”
“Tell your kids they have 6 months to figure out their life plan and move out.”
“You have overworked yourself long enough and as a result have created entitled children.”- Exotic-Rooster4427
“If my kids or wife called me lazy for ‘only’ working 40 hrs a week, I’d stop funding them.”-NHRADeuce
“I’m f*cking offended reading this.”
“You’ve done more than enough.”
“Living rent-free as adults, and they are complaining?”
“Sir, you are 100% NTA.”- chunkychapstick
“My Dad was a doctor and worked crazy hours.”
“He provided a great life for our family.”
“I thought money grew on trees and just wasn’t prepared for what life would be like.”
“Thankfully, I got a rude awakening due to starting a family in my early 20s and grinded away for a decade to make ends meet.”
“60-90 hour weeks and one stretch of 5 years where I never slept more than 4 hours a night.”
“We now do fairly well for ourselves.”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that your kids will need to struggle and pay a price at some point.”
“If it isn’t now, it’ll be later.”
“It’s much better to pay the price now, while they’re young.”
“Your wife, unfortunately, isn’t helping them.”
“She’s hurting them.”- Influence808
“You already accepted the job.”
“Follow your plan.”
“Kids and wife will have options of their own.”
“I actually think it’s not any of your kids’ business what your income is, what job you take, or how you run your finances.”
“Who included the kids in your financial planning?”- hopingtothrive
“Can’t you politely say what you said here to your wife and kids.”
“Now it’s their turn to figure out life.”- No_Recover_4603
“NTA.”
“You have done more than enough.”
“Enjoy your more relaxing job and keep your money for yourself for a change.”- BallBagMcSack
It’s one thing for adult children to ask their parents for help if they’re caught in a temporary bind.
It’s quite another for them to more or less expect their parents to continue supporting them, which is what the OP’s children appear to be doing.
If the OP’s wife wants to continue supporting their children, she has every right to.
She just shouldn’t expect the OP to do it for her…