It is a part of knowing other people to realize you’re not going to like all of them.
Sometimes it’s a case of clashing personalities, an earned animosity or just a bad first meeting.
When that person is a co-worker, the situation can quickly become more complex.
What happens when that difficult relationship starts to have an impact on moments and relationships unrelated to the problematic person?
This was the issue facing a Redditor and Original Poster (OP) who came to the “Am I the A**hole”(AITA) subReddit for an outsider’s perspective.
In a now-deleted post, they asked:
“AITA for ruining my friend’s vacation?”
First, a little background.
“My friend ‘Megan’ and I both work in a hospital as nurses.”
“There is a doctor ‘Carly’ who is awful and we both can’t stand her.”
“Carly is difficult in general but hates Megan.”
OP explained the inciting incident.
“Megan decided to get revenge by anonymously mailing her a glitter bomb, which she opened in a staff room at work.”
“(Megan didn’t know her home address) and I’m not going to lie, it was funny, but in my opinion, a dumb move and I would have never risked my job like that.”
“Carly accused Megan of doing it.”
“Megan denied it and Carly can’t do much but has been being meaner to her at work.”
“Megan is going on vacation this week and has been planning and saving for it for a while.”
Then the OP explained the issue itself.
“We were texting while she was at the airport, and I asked if she knew that Carly had gotten engaged to one of the department heads at our hospital.”
“I didn’t even think anything of it, and it is something we would normally discuss.”
“Megan had not seen that and immediately got upset and said Carly is going to have the power to make her life a lot worse or maybe get her fired, and that I had ruined her vacation by bringing it up.”
“I was a bit surprised but apologized. She said I should have known better and how could I say that to her, and she ended the conversation pretty abruptly.”
“I feel bad for ruining her long-awaited vacation, but I thought it was a normal thing to bring up.”
Unsure of how to feel, OP turned to Reddit for outside opinions.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some felt Megan needed some maturity.
“But let me give you a piece of advice.”
“You need to distance yourself from Megan”
“There are always going to be awful Doctors at the hospital. It’s the nature of the job.”
“It was massively immature and unprofessional to send that glitter bomb.”
“And Carly knows it was her.”
“So you need to ask yourself. If Carly confronts Megan and says she knows it was her who sent the glitter bomb…do you think Megan will hide the fact that you knew about it and said nothing?”
“Megan may be your friend but her actions and your knowledge of them put you in the position to be terminated along with her.”
“If I were you, I would start to distance myself from Megan until such a time as she grows up.”
“Otherwise you might find yourself without a job.”~The__Riker__Maneuver
“Yup. Carly may be an a**hole, but Megan doesn’t exactly sound like a peach herself.”
“The glitter bomb was unprofessional.”
“But to flip out like hOw cOuLD yOu rUiN mY vAcATiOn over something as simple as ‘lol did you see Carly got engaged to (important person)’?’
“How is OP ‘ruining’ your vacation?”
“And you’re worried Carly is gonna make your life worse?”
“How about you stop sending her glitter bombs and cut it out with god knows what attitude you give her first?”
“There will be at least one shitty person anywhere you work.”
“Kill them with kindness.”
“Don’t give them the power to get you fired.”~ertrinken
Other nurses even weighed in.
“You didn’t ‘ruin’ her vacation.”
“She chose to make it a big deal and struck out at you.”
“She’s probably feeling guilty and afraid of being found out.”
“We can choose our partners/lovers/boyfriends/girlfriends but we can’t choose our bosses or other employees.”
“She needs to accept that or find another job.”
“As a nurse myself, the field is full of opportunities with nurses in demand and she’ll have no problem with finding work somewhere else.”
“She’s acting very immature with the glitter bomb and her attitude.”
“All that glitter could have caused a medical issue during patient care and she could have been fired for doing that to the doctor.”
“Do you really want to stay friends with this person?”~LoveBeach8
Others pointed out a different reason for Megan’s sudden anger.
“NTA if she’s stressing it’s because she knows what she’s done is wrong.”
“If one has an issue at work that’s what HR is for, report them and move on, if there is retaliation report that with anyone who witnessed it.”
“You were simply giving random updates so that she’s still be clued in and not completely out of the loop when she got back.”
“Could it have waited? Yeah.”
“Did you know it would upset her and ruin her vacation? No.”
“That’s on her”~Lil-Tea-Cup934
“NTA your friend knows what she did was irresponsible and her guilt is ruining her trip.“~becca22597
Responses also pointed out that the engagement was hardly a shocking development.
“I’m surprised that no one has stated the obvious, which is that if Carly just got engaged to a department head, that means they’d probably already been dating for a while.”
“I’m unsure how 1) Megan would not have already known that at 2) how dating vs being married would change the power Carly has indirectly through her partner.”
“NTA but like others have said, distance yourself from Megan.”
“You don’t want to put your career at risk, and honestly she sounds like a person who is unreliable and untrustworthy and could easily turn on you for her benefit.”~LilA**hole666
How we deal with people we dislike in the workplace is how we show the depth of our character and our professionalism.
Remember that not liking someone and being unprofessional toward them are not the same thing.
Be cautious with anyone who doesn’t see that distinction.