Dealing with a parent struggling with addiction is difficult.
But in the case of one 17-year-old girl, it could be life threatening. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor DrugsVsMeds asked:
“AITA for asking my dad why he thinks his drugs are more important than mine?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m 17, female, I have a heart condition that requires medication that isn’t cheap. It’s just me and my dad at home, and my dad earns well, the bills are always paid.”
“I have what I need but he’s got an expensive [illegal] drug habit. Usually, he makes sure my meds are got first but I guess this month he forgot.”
“I asked him yesterday how he was going to get my medication after realising how overboard he went, and he said he didn’t know and that it was time I figured it out.”
“I reminded him I’m 17, with no job and this could turn into a life or death thing fast. He repeated that it’s time for me to find a way.”
“This went back and forth for a while, eventually I could see the guilt in his face and I snapped ‘So why in the name of God do you think your drugs are more important than mine? Do you just not give a fuck whether I live or die at this point?’.”
“I felt really bad about this, so I left to stay with a friend. My dad texted me this morning and apologised for the way he’s acted and the problem he caused but he said I’m an a**hole for the things I said to him last night.”
“He thinks I should’ve been more considerate towards his issues and not think so selfishly.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. You simply stated the obvious. The way you describe it, your dad’s drugs aren’t required to save his life, right?”
“Because he ‘went overboard’ it comes off that way. Seventeen is still a minor and your parent shouldn’t treat you like you’re an independent adult.”
“Hell I’m in my 40s and if I needed life saving drugs my dad would STILL buy them for me.” ~ jammy913
“This is literally the definition of an addict—if OP’s father is making decisions (about his drug habbit) that is effecting others negatively then he is addicted to them.”
“Life saving medication should never be a lower priority than his drugs but right now they are, OP needs to push this home as a red flag to her father.” ~ wordsarelouder
“NTA. As a minor, and if these are life saving drugs, I would suggest contacting the manufacturer, explaining your circumstances, and see if they offer any discounts. It’s a little known fact but most do.” ~ Zorro6855
“Yeah, no. Your father is not a good parent.”
“NTA.”
“Don’t apologize for the truth.” ~ Evil_Mel
“NTA. I am all for recreational drugs. If it’s not hurting anybody, you do you. Adulthood and freedom and all that jazz.”
“That being said, I am not all for recreational drugs instead of medicinal drugs. FFS, he’s a parent.”
“Medication should always come first. It’s not an option, if you love your kid.”
“It’s like food or water or shelter… no, the kid’s needs are non-negotiable. He damn right should feel guilty, it’s incredibly selfish and harmful to put his fun as a higher priority than your safety and well-being.”
“I really think your father should be encouraged to face the music. He’s an addict, he has a problem that is getting away from him.”
“And it might cost you. Either by losing your relationship with him, or losing your life.”
“He needs to get help, before it gets worse. Before he loses you. Maybe the fear of that will be enough to kick his a** into action.” ~ Sintuary
“NTA but please do put all your energy into finding a backup way to get your pills and a new place to live. You shouldn’t have to find a way to get your own pills, but sadly your father has shown where your life saving pills are on his priority list.”
“Maybe your doctor can offer you a cheaper alternative, or a manageable payment option? Perhaps your friends parents would let you stay there until you’re 18?” ~ redditor191389
“You are NTA at all in this situation, but your father has demonstrated that he is not someone you can rely on.”
“I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.” ~ achoo1210
“NTA, however how do you stay safe? Your dr may know how to get free or lower cost meds to you.”
“But then he may file a child neglect report. I wish I could promise that if state services got involved he would be forced into rehab.”
“But this is a thorny problem.” ~ cinnamngrl
“NTA. His ‘issue’ is that he’s an addict.”
“He is feeding his addiction potentially at the cost of your life, and most definitely at the cost of your trust. You were well within your rights to call him out, and you should continue to do so.”
“As for your meds, is it possible to talk to your mother or any other family members for support?” ~ C0pper-an0de
“Yes, deffo continue to call him out. He needs to know that he’s crossed a huge line in his addiction, where his habit has become more important than his child’s life.”
“Hopefully this is a wakeup call for him.” ~ BeanBreak
The OP returned with an update.
“Thank you so much for the overwhelming response. Just a few things – the medication isn’t fully approved yet, hence why we’ve to pay out of pocket.”
“No, I will not be accepting any form of help from anyone offering, but thank you so much for even offering in the first place.”
“I will not be calling protective services or the police on my dad. This is the first slip up he’s made to this extent—if it does happen again I will be looking for somewhere else to live.”
“I will definitely be taking a look into some of the resources people have mentioned in the comments, as well as ringing my doctors to see what can be done.”
“Please do not refer to my dad as a junkie. About 4 years ago after my mother died [things began], he was always a weed smoker but her death sent him down a nasty spiral that he hasn’t managed to pull himself out of.”
Hopefully the OP and her father can get the help they both need.