When you’re adopted, you are generally not in touch with your biological family. Unfortunately, they, at some point, made the decision to let you go from their lives. Whether or not the adopted child reconnects with them later in life is up to the child.
So when Redditor First_Aid670 met her biological parents for the first time, she didn’t know what to expect. But what she certainly didn’t expect was to be approached for a large quantity of money from people she barely knew.
Unsure if she’d done something wrong by stiffing her biological family, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for objective feedback from strangers:
“AITA for not helping my biological parents?”
Our original poster, or OP, detailed how she came by her bio parents.
“I(22F[emale]) was adopted by wonderful parents. I grew up as an only child and am very close with my adoptive mother and father.”
“I have always wondered why my biological parents gave me up for adoption. I never asked and don’t plan on it.”
“When I turned 18, my parents asked if I wanted to know who my biological parents were. They told me their names and where they lived.”
“I looked them up on social media and contacted my biological mother. She was very happy to hear from me and asked if I wanted to meet. They lived about 4 hours away.”
“I took the time off of work and drove the 4 hours. We hugged and they were very thrilled to meet me. I told them that I had finished up college and working as a hairdresser.”
But then came the real reason they were reaching out.
“They quickly changed the subject and asked if I could lend them around 2K to pay off some debt. I was speechless and asked if that was the main reason they wanted to meet. Bio dad said Kind of, yeah. We need help with some finances.”
“I got up and left the diner. I drove the 4 hours back home and told my parents what happened. They were very supportive and let me know that they loved me.”
And now OP is unsure of how to deal with the leftover requests.
“My biological mother has been blowing up my phone wanting to talk along with some money requests.”
“I’ve denied every one of them and told them I no longer want to talk to them. Biological dad reached out and called me a horrible daughter for hurting bio’s mother feelings.”
“I have not heard from them since that last message.”
“Am I the AH for not helping my biological parents?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors universally agreed OP did nothing wrong and her bio parents did everything very, very wrong.
“Even if somehow children were held liable for their parent’s debts, the parents signed away that when they signed away their parental rights when putting OP up for adoption.”
“OP – Block them. You are NTA, and now you know why you were put up for adoption, they are self-centered, selfish, and self-involved. Write them off. You aren’t obligated in any way to them.”-elvaholt
“NTA – Your bio-parents are sickos ! I’m so sorry your first encounter with them turned out the way it did.”
“It’s only natural that you would be curious about them, but you reached out and the above was your experience.”
“It’s very clear, that if you stay in contact with your bio-parents. Then you need to accept the emotional abuse and manipulation you are going to experience, and they will use you for all your resources until you have nothing.”
“Find the blessing that you have seen their true colours now and not years from now. You need to change your number and leave both of them in your past. You missed out on nothing !”-Drip_Like_Chocolate
“A bio-mom here, and I can say, without a doubt, NTA.”
“I don’t know what kind of messed up people they are, but I suggest you get any and all medical information from those sorry excuses for human beings and then block their a**es so hard that you knock them into next week.”-SaraRainmaker
“100% NTA. Fellow adoptee here—that’s one of the things I worry about if I were to ever search for my bio parents.”
“You’re not obligated to help them nor are you obligated to have them (or anyone) in your life if you don’t want.”
“I can imagine it must be hard to want that connection (or at least have been interested though to drive 4 hours to meet them) and have it soiled almost right away.”
“You deserve to be around people who care about you for you, and thankfully it sounds like you have that.”
“Also the follow ups and name-calling really show you who they are and what they care about: money.”
“By cutting contact, you might never really know why they put you up for adoption, but I hope you can find peace in knowing it was for the better. It doesn’t sound like they would have been very loving parents.”-phoenixabg
People were glad OP had her adoptive, supportive parents to go home to.
“You are not responsible for helping out your biological parents financially. You reached out to to meet and get to know them.”
“The first thing they do is ask for money and blow up your phone? It is unfortunate but if you want to continue any kind of relationship you need to make them understand that is unacceptable to you. Definitely NTA”-Eratik_Madman
“NTA. Even if they were the people that had raised you, you have no obligation to give them money. But guess what? They didn’t raise you!”
“These people are strangers to you. If they really wanted a bond with you they wouldn’t have just reached out for money or tried to manipulate you.”
“You deserve better than that op. You did the right thing.”-gabyodd1
“Wow…. you are the most NTA I have ever read…”
“Go NC with bio family… your can’t be a horrible daughter to people you have only met twice… Once when you were born the second time when they asked for 2 grand …”
“They are awful and hope you find the strength to cut them permanently out of your life … direct all your attention and love to the people who choose to love you and raise you your REAL mum and dad.”
“Not the sperm and egg donner who incubated you for the wonderful people who have loved you over the years.”-rleaky
“NTA No wonder they wanted to meet you. They want your money. You don’t reunite with the child you put up for adoption and instantly ask for financial assistance.”
“If this happened to me I’d feel devastated that this how my biological parents wanted to start our relationship, by asking for money. At least you have adoptive parents who care about you.”-DeterminedProtector
But unfortunately, some said that their fears with adoption amounted to OP’s experience.
“Wow…talk about entitled losers/users! TNTA big time. Block all avenues of communication.”
“Bio parents are incredibly hurtful and manipulative to try to get money and bio father even admitted that’s why they got in contact.”
“Glad you have wonderful adoptive parents. Imagine the hell if you were raised by those bio-losers?!! Move on leave them in the dust!!”-marta83
“NTA. They are strangers to you, strangers who gave you up when you were very young at that.”
“They are a long, long way away from hitting you up for money if that is at all a possibility. You have loving, wonderful parents already.”
“Your genetic donor has no grounds to call you his daughter, as you have no relationship with him or his wife that lasts more than an hour. They straight up said they were using you as a resource.”-ScorchieSong
“NTA. You are not your bios daughter. They have no right to call you daughter. You are the child they gave up for adoption.”
“They are not your parents. They are the people who biologically created you. You never owed them anything. Block them and thank the universe that you were not reared by them.”-Realistic-Animator-3
“NTA. I am very sorry that you had to experience this. I have three adopted daughters. One of my biggest fears is them experiencing something similar.”
“All of their bio-parents are broke, drug addicted, users. When the adoptions were all concluded, we moved cross country just to get away from them.”
“We make it a point to never lie to our girls and I know that some day, that will likely lead to them to a point where they face a situation similar to yours. I only hope that they handle it as well as you did.”-guber26
OP had a traumatic experience of realizing exactly who her biological parents were.
Hopefully she can rest easy knowing her adoptive parents are there for her.