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Teen Outraged After Finding Out Her Adoptive Parents Never Told Her That She Has A Twin Brother


Redditor ThrowRA-oddfriend is a teenager who was furious after finding out that her adoptive parents kept a huge secret from her.

The Original Poster (OP) sought guidance from strangers on the Relationship Advice subReddit where she wrote:

“Parents never told me (16 F[emale]) I have a twin brother, now that I know and we’re bonding they’re upset because ‘we’re getting too close,’ and parents changed my name!”

“Our bio parents died when we were about 1 year old. We went into foster care for a few months, then my parents adopted me. He was adopted a few years later by his parents too.”

“My parents never told me I had a brother and not only never attempted for us to spend time together but they declined when his parents came forward and wanted my parents to let us get to know each other when we were kids. And my parents picked a new name for me.”

“I never knew any of this until last year when he approached me. Parents denied at first but eventually admitted to everything. Since then we’ve been getting to know each other and getting close.”

“Since [the virus] hit I’ve been spending a lot of time with him and we’ve been bonding very well. He has two moms who are great too, they’re very nice to him and me and always make me feel welcome and relaxed.”

Her parents, on the other hand, we’re not very accepting of her developing bond with her twin brother.

“My parents are upset about all of this and keep telling me that I should keep my distance, I’m doing it too fast, I’m trusting him (and his parents) too soon, I’m gonna end up hurting myself (really?) and things like that.”

“They also don’t like it that I’ve developed an attachment to my birth name and he does call me by that name and I like it. I think this is even more of a big deal for them than anything else.”

But there was another member of the family who was more disapproving.

“And then there is my grandma who hates my brother with a burning passion who thinks I dress too inappropriately in front of him because ‘girls shouldn’t wear thin clothes, robes or swimsuits in front of stranger boys’ as if he’s just a random guy to me.”

“She lives with us and if he comes over she always plays detective to figure out what we’re doing together.”

“Her objections are that I dress too immodestly, we laugh too much, we sit or lay down on bed too close together, and worst of all we close the door when we’re in my room (yeah because she doesn’t respect our privacy). I should go to jail for these serious crimes!”

“So last night parents and grandma had a sit down with me to voice their concerns. They accused me of forgetting about my real family and losing my soul (what does that even mean).”

“They say they’re worried about me and will only allow me to continue spending time with I’m if I agree to three boundaries: I am always to be referred to by the name that parents picked, rather than birth name.”

“I should be a lot more careful about what I wear in front of him (this is grandma’s rule). She wants me to basically dress like her. I don’t think my parents care about this rule as much.”

“My time with brother must be [supervised] by my parents or grandma. That means no going out or at his place or with door closed.”

“I find all these rules to be very unreasonable and I find their objections to be childish (and I think my grandma needs help). How do I keep the peace while seeing my brother?

Redditors gave their impassioned responses to the OP’s post.

“This post is really upsetting to me. i’m a firm believer in choosing your own family, and OP was chosen by her adopted folks, but her biological brother was just as much of a victim (for lack of a better word) and obviously had no say in the matter.”

“it’s very sad that they decided to keep him from OP. i think they both deserve to have a relationship, they are siblings and want to be in each other’s lives.” – ollieryes

“You literally shared a womb with him. He is your blood. Your adoptive parents are being ridiculous.”

“And btw, I think it’s really messed up that they even split you up. They should’ve either adopted both of you, or let someone else do that.” – Yera_Cunt

“You’re parents are in the wrong, in my opinion. Separating twins and trying to keep them from each other later in life is not okay. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Keep building a relationship with your brother. It sounds like jealousy is a big hurdle for your adoptive parents.”

“Grasping that they might lose you is hard on them, but what they are doing is pushing you away. Your grandmother sounds way too old fashioned and needs to stop sexualizing the behavior of women, that’s a big problem in our world.”

“He is your twin, and if his moms accept you, maybe spend more time over there rather than you’re own house. I’m sure they would be happy to have you. This is family you don’t get to choose, they should be happy that you are bonding. I’m so sorry. In two years, you won’t have to abide by their overbearing rules.” – c8ball

“I think what’s best is to stay in contact with him as much as possible, may it be over text, social media or in person.”

“As soon as your 18 you have the power to see who you want and dress how you like, He’s not just any stranger he’s your BIO TWIN BROTHER!”

“Could it possibly also due to the fact that he has two moms? Are they religious in any type that doesn’t like same sex parents?” – tango_mango22

The OP confirmed the above suspicions and wrote:

“They definitely don’t approve of gay marriage or adoption by gay couples. So they always assume something must be wrong with him.”

“It’s definitely has something to do with their religious beliefs.”

Redditor EclecticVictuals believes it can be challenging to express things to people who are prepared or inclined to get upset and provided the OP with a few suggestions of what she could tell her parents.

“You are my parents and I love you. I know you adopted me and took me in as your own child. But I think it was wrong for you to hide the fact that I had a sibling and try and keep me from him.”

“I wish you wouldn’t see him as a threat, and the more you make it an issue the more of a problem it is. I am happy that I reconnected with my brother, we are twins! Can you not understand the bond that we had?”

“I think I’ve done a good job of not being angry at you for hiding this from me and preventing me from knowing him. And I plan on keeping him in my life. So you have a choice: you can either accept this reality or it’s going to affect our future relationship.”

“I don’t want that and I don’t think you want that either. But that’s the truth because I’m going to be 18 in less than two years. And you are essentially asking me to choose.”

“As far as grandma, I think it’s very sick for her to think that I would be having sex with my brother which is basically what she’s implying. And maybe she doesn’t like that my brothers family is consists of a gay couple. My hope and my recommendation is that we find a way to be welcoming to this idea so that we don’t have to fight about it.”

“And I’m sorry that you don’t like that he calls me by my birth name, I know it was a long time ago but it means a lot to me and I don’t understand why you had to change my name after I was one years old. Using that name with him does not invalidate the fact that you are my family. And I wish you would stop worrying or acting like it does because it’s going to become a self fulfilling prophecy.”

”I’m not going anywhere so please stop driving me away.”

Hopefully, one of these suggestions will resonate with the OP’s parents.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo