Family relationships are difficult to navigate, even more so when confronting immediate family with their own racist behavior.
One user turned to the AITA thread with a question on their reaction to their mom’s racist comments.
Redditors were asked to judge:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Original poster (OP) aanemicroyaltyy asked: “AITA for calling my mother a racist b*tch and disregarding the punishment she gave me?”
“My (17F) mother (35F) has always been racist, and she doesn’t hide it either. She makes comments about African Americans being ‘ugly’ but the race she has the most prejudice towards is anyone who is Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc.”
“She generalizes the way they speak and mocks them, she says they’re all ugly, makes comments about how they ‘shouldn’t drive’ because they ‘can’t see’ properly, etc.”
“I’ve heard this all throughout my life from her and every time I’ve wanted to call her out but was afraid of what she’d say because all my life she’s been a ticking time bomb and most of the time I’m too exhausted to deal with her constantly going on a rampage of saying cruel things and then playing the victim after it all.”
“This time in particular however, I was watching ‘A Silent Voice’ beautiful anime movie by the way, it brought me to tears. One of the scenes showing how Shouko speaks aloud was on while my mom was in the room, and of course as per routine she made a stupid comment basically stating that she’s surprised anyone batted an eye at how she talks given that it’s supposedly ‘as unintelligible as any other Asian.’”
“I spoke up and said ‘Oh sh*t, I forgot I can’t watch what I enjoy without you trying too hard to make us laugh with an unfunny racist comment.’ She said ‘Excuse me?’ to which I replied that I was pretty sure she heard me, and then she asked me what it was like to have a ‘fetish’ for Asian people (???) so I said ‘What’s it like to have such a bland personality that being a racist b*tch is your main trait?’”
“She BLEW UP and told me I had no right to speak to her that way because she was my mother. Basically I shrugged and I said that I’m treating her as I would any prejudiced person. I was grounded for being ‘disrespectful’ because apparently being racist is nothing but an opinion /s.”
“Pretty much the same hour I walked out of the house and announced that I was sleeping over at a friend’s house because there’s no way I was gonna serve a punishment for calling out a racist.”
“I’m getting mixed reactions. Some say I was fully in the right and didn’t need to change a thing, others say while I was in the right I should’ve just taken the punishment because I knew what the outcome would be. AITA here reddit?”
The OP was not mincing words with their mom after her comments but was left wondering about their own reaction after the confrontation.
Reddit users reached general agreement fairly quickly.
“NTA. As a Japanese person, I am utterly disgusted by her racism. It is also beyond me how an anime movie has anything to do with a “fetish for Asian people.”~ Hitman7128
“NTA, but you must understand consequences. I went toe to toe with my dad on a daily basis. There were literal fist fights. He had a half-Mexican, openly pansexual daughter who was a survivor of child abuse — and he sh*t on everything I was with regularity.”
“He was absolutely in the wrong. I haven’t spoken to him more than once or twice this last decade. In fact, I told him that the next time I see him is when we’re lowering him into the ground.”
“But your ideals will not feed, clothe, nor house you. The day I walked out of my dad’s house, I knew I’d rather live on the streets than spend another moment under that hateful man’s roof. And I did. I wound up homeless for almost 4 months as an 18-year-old woman. It took me nearly 6 years to claw my way out of absolute poverty thereafter.”
“I’m not telling you to be fine with what she says and who she is. I’m saying if you push her buttons, she has the power to upend your entire world and slap you with a dose of reality that’ll mess you up for years. Be prepared to suffer the consequences for biting the hand that feeds you.”
“Edit: O.O Wow. Thanks for so many messages, comments, and awards! I’ll try to get back to everyone, but thank you all for the messages of encouragement. 🙂 Yes, I have gotten to a much better place in life since leaving.”~Half_A_Cup_of_Coffee
“NTA nothing quite like racist family members /s – you took all you were gonna take and you weren’t taking nummore. Can’t have a family get together (pre covid) without my blood boiling at some of the sh*t my extended family says, I completely understand your POV.”~ tricycledreams
“NTA! Good on you for standing up to your mother!
I almost said E S H because of your delivery, but, tbh, you said she’s got a long history of being horribly racist. Your language was justified, especially since the content was top-notch.
As an Asian American woman, I also just wanna say thanks for being so brave.”~ anapasta
Redditors agreed on the judgement of NTA in this situation but did offer some input to aanemicroyaltyy. Racism in any form from anyone is unacceptable.