Not everyone is going to agree with people's choices of baby names.
Some names are purposefully different.
Some names will have a secret meaning only the parents share.
It's a personal matter.
But that doesn't stop others from having... thoughts.
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA For laughing at the name my sister chose for her baby?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"For context, I (28 F[emale]) attended a family dinner with my Mom, Dad, and sister (26 F) yesterday."
"My sister is due to give birth soon and decided this dinner would be the perfect time to announce the name she chose for her first child."
"My sister has always been obsessed with aesthetics; her whole house is beige and rather depressing if I'm honest."
"The whole nursery she built for the baby is beige and grey and will not accept colorful gifts for the baby."
"I can tell her husband hates it, but he won't admit it."
"Now here is the issue, I am very prone to laughing at inappropriate times."
"I am autistic and find it hard to filter what I say and my emotions, which can lead to me reacting to things in ways that can offend people."
"I didn't think this would cause issues until she revealed the name of her baby."
"So, we are all done with our dinner, we are looking at my sister as announces her baby will be named..."
"Brookleeigh-Willow Rose [Insert Surname, not including it for privacy]."
"Spelt EXACTLY like that."
"And then I burst out laughing, and said 'You cannot be serious.'"
"I am now banned from all family dinners."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Is the name really that bad? Was I really a massive a**hole?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
"Oh sweet dear vegetable, I mean broccoli, I mean Brook..ly?"
"That kid will be laughed about her name behind her back her entire childhood, but hey, Mom gets to be unique."
"Pardon me, uneakquei."
"Soft YTA." ~ Snakeinyourgarden
"YTA. I'm A[utism] S[pectrum] D[isorder] as well and we all have a responsibility to deal with whatever brain flavors got handed to us in ways that enable us to interact decently with the world around us."
"You being autistic doesn't justify laughing at your sister's name."
"Did you try to apologize?"
"Or do you use your autism as a get-out-of-jail-free card (which others rightly don't accept)?" ~ cascadia1979
"YTA about bursting out laughing (as ugly as that name is), but I feel *so* bad for this kid."
"Only beige?"
"That is NOT healthy for babies."
"They NEED color!" ~ prismprotectorII
"YTA, but it's a shame she didn't listen to you and lose the Brookleeigh part of the name." ~ mom_in_the_garden
"Um. I'm gonna say YTA, but a justified one."
"The poor child."
"That poor poor child."
"No one else likes it either."
"They're just afraid to say it because they of being banned." ~ Country-girl7053
"YTA. Just the way you speak about your sister, who has different opinions and views to your own, tells me you have an overinflated sense of superiority around things that don't concern you."
"Who cares if she likes aesthetics and neutral colors?"
"She's not hurting anyone but you are with an attitude like that."
"Is Brookeleeigh a stupid name?"
"Of course, but the kid will shorten it to Brooke as soon as she's old enough to talk, and this will work itself out."
"Beige walls are also not child abuse."
"I grew up in an aesthetic home as both my dads are very into home decor, and they were still good parents even if the house wasn't colorful and my toys were out of sight."
'I have my own house now that's colorful - maybe that's why, but aside from different design opinions, this is another non-issue." ~ princessro123
"Ultimately, your niece won't cart around her full name, anyway, I can promise you."
"She'll go by Rook, Wills, 'Boo Thee Rose' (like Megan Thee Stallion) and all of this will go by the wayside.
"Parents who give their kids these huge fancy pants names don't seem to understand that the kids will take only a portion of the name(s) and mold it into something unique to them and their little hoodlum friends."
"Ask me how I know."
"On the other hand, had I been there, I would have barked out a laugh too, and though I suspect I'm on the spectrum, I've never been diagnosed at my advanced age."
"By the way, I was so horrified at hearing one of my grandnephew's names that I just stood there with my jaw hanging open and couldn't even respond."
"Predictably, he goes by something not terrible." ~ neverbrandisskirt
"YTA but you are a correct a**hole lol. Poor kid.
"Yeah haha, like there's no getting around the fact that making fun of someone's baby name is kinda a**hole-ish, but some things are just asking to be mocked."
"If she's into 'aesthetics' she should try picking names/colors that are actually good." ~ dammitgabe4
"ESH. The banning is weird, to disown you over this seems like a big reaction."
"I'm guessing you're either exaggerating or this isn't the first incident."
"You're more than old enough to notice that people don't like being laughed at and more than old enough to know that it doesn't get your point across (especially as you had a point! The name sounds like broccoli)."
"Learning techniques to help you stop blurting things out really should have been addressed when you were a kid, but it's not too late to take responsibility now you're an adult."
"Mindfulness techniques, pause and breathe, mental checklists, etc." ~ stophittingthyself
"ESH, laughing was rude, your family banning you from all family dinners is an extreme overreaction, and your sister is 99% likely to be a bad parent (based on how you've described her)." ~ Aihaya07
"ESH, sadly, but a particularly emphatic smh for that poor kid."
"'Brookleeigh?'"
"She is going to have to spell that name out EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME she says it to someone, for the rest of her life."
"However not Brooklee, which is at least an existing spelling of that name??" ~ JamesFirmere
"Personally, I like Willow Rose."
"As a teacher, I see loads of names and an assortment of spellings for each one."
"For me, the worst ones are when the parent spells their child's name wrong."
"But I guess it shouldn't really matter."
"I only tell my husband and my Mum when I dislike a family name, but I don't feel that bad because everyone told me when they hated the name I wanted to call my second son."
"I was annoyed at first, but I then reflected on their objections and dropped it."
"They were right."
"I don't think they burst out laughing, though."
"It's all about delivery!" ~ essymay
"Willow Rose is beautiful."
"The rest is not."
"YTA - for using your disability to try to make your inappropriate response better."
"But my God, that child will be bullied, and she will change her name."
"As someone with an awful first name, my kids have normal names. lol." ~ snoooozin
"YTA but Ooooof I get it too."
"Glad you called and mended fences."
"Though the whole banned from family dinners bit is extreme!"
"It honestly sounds like she would have double-hyphenated the first name if that was allowed 😅 poor kid!"
"I guess she will probably be one of those kids that never goes by their actual name but at least she's got plenty of options for nicknames... lol." ~ OneMoreCookie
"Sister needs to stay in her aesthetics lane and name the kid Greige."
"YTA, though I wish it wasn't true."
"It's not on you to announce your sister's idiocy like you did or at all."
"Glad you apologized."
"Probs should start stockpiling birthday/holiday cards for the kid now... Gonna burn through a whole lot of them trying to get heeeeer name just right." ~ AuntieMeridium
"YTA simply for using your autism as an excuse when you clearly know better."
"Just because we weren't born with filters doesn't mean we aren't intelligent enough to learn how to behave." ~ VociferousReapers
"YTA! Gonna have to learn to fake it sometimes or not say anything."
"Also, the name is absolutely horrible and the kid will probably be teased." ~ mwilso1653
"Gentle YTA - I probably would have laughed too."
"The sister is giving her sad beige baby a r/tragedeigh of a name."
"I wouldn't be surprised if the kid corrects the spelling once she's old enough to legally do so." ~ FinalGirl1993
"YTA but you're a justified one."
"I'm glad you smoothed things over."
"I feel bad for your B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw] and your future niece though."
"This makes me think of that post from OffMyChest, it may have been, of the husband who was so worn down by his wife's obsession with aesthetics and refusal to let their kid just enjoy things that they got a divorce."
"I very sincerely hope things turn out better for your family." ~ VThaddeusToadEsq
"YTA. She didn't ask for advice or approval."
"My question is more about spelling and punctuation."
"Is the first name hyphenated and how do you spell it?"
"Can you just call your niece by the nickname? Like 'Sam'?"
"Of course, any monogrammed baby close need to be appropriate."
"What are the initials?"
"Would have been better to ask her to write it down so you could remember it."
"Rose will be the likely name that is used."
"Easy way to avoid confusion."
"A name is for communication." ~ Ultimatesource
"YTA... that is truly an atrocious name, but your reaction WAS hurtful and inappropriate."
"It's her kid and she has every right to give her kid a dumbass name, unfortunately." ~ MagicWagic623
OP came back with an update...
"After writing this post, I decided to call my sister and apologize, as when I wrote down what happened, I did realize what a d**k move that was."
"I said I was sorry for laughing, and I apologized for using my mental disability as an excuse and offered to treat her to lunch as an apology."
"Understandably, she was reluctant to forgive me, but she did, which I am thankful for."
"She said she was hurt by my actions, which I understood but was willing to look past it."
"I knew posting this story on here would give me the slap in the face that I needed which I appreciate."
"And if anyone's wondering, the name is staying."
"I didn't comment at all on it."
It's always nice to get an update.
It's also nice to hear that you owned up to your mistakes, OP.
You had an awkward reaction, not the end of the world.
But it's always good to acknowledge when one does wrong to others.
Good on you.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp