Many people are out on the road driving recklessly.
When car wrecks happen, there is a lot to process.
Keeping everyone safe and alive is priority number one.
Redditor Hot-Acanthisitta-978 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my ‘friend’ she can yank her child when she has one?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Title sounds weird, I know, but I 28 F[emale], had a friend 26 F that I used to hang out with a lot.”
“Recently, we got into an accident where someone rear-ended me.”
“I had my baby in the car (3 months ), after the crash, the baby was absolutely hysterical, of course she would be, my friend then tried to scramble in the mix of it to take her out of her carseat.”
“I do admit I may have said it harshly to not remove the baby from their carseat until first responders got to us.”
“The car was not on fire, and we weren’t in any mortal danger.”
“On a normal day, anytime my baby gets to the point of hysteria, I soothe them, hug them, rock them, etc.”
“That was a once-in-a-blue-moon occurrence, I didn’t.”
“I kept trying to shush and soothe the baby from the seat, but obviously she was scared and wanted her mama to hold her.”
“At the hospital, both my friend and I got the all clear, and we were waiting for the baby to be cleared.”
“My friend went off on me, telling me I’m a bad mom for not removing the baby from the car seat.”
“I simply explained to her, that it was better for the baby to stay in the seat, in case there was spinal damage, the seat keeps the spine aligned, and removing the baby from the car seat would cause further injury if there was already one.”
“She kept berating me.”
“I was frustrated already, and I told her that when she has her own kids, and God forbid they get into a crash, she can yank her kid out of the carseat and do as she pleases.”
“She got quiet and said I’m an a**hole for bringing it up because she has trouble conceiving, she has P[oly]-C[cystic] Ovary Syndrome and may not be able to carry a pregnancy to term.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“I don’t know if I’m the a**hole for bringing up a hypothetical situation, or I don’t know if my frustration got the best of me, and I was insensitive, but AITA for making that statement?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA.”
“I explained to her, it was better for the baby to stay in the seat in case there was spinal damage; the seat keeps the spine aligned, and removing the baby from the car seat would cause further injury if there was already one.”
“Instead of comforting you and calming you down like a ‘friend’ should because you know, you were waiting to see if your baby was okay, she went off on you and called you a bad mom?”
“I don’t care what her story is; she was a terrible friend, and you had every right to tell her off.” ~ yesnomaybe123
“Not everyone goes to pieces in stressful situations!”
“Some people go calm and efficient and stay that way until the danger is past, then may fall apart.”
“Which is a lot better than panicking in the moment and making things worse.”
“NTA and well done.” ~ snootnoots
“100% NTA.”
“Not only is it not your friend’s place to move your baby, but she knew that you are a nurse (i.e., know what you are doing), you then told her not to (harshness valid in the moment), and then explained after.”
“Yet she STILL doubled down on the criticising and being defensive?”
“Also sounds like maybe you didn’t know your friend was having trouble conceiving when you made your hypothetical, but even if you did, there’s nothing wrong with assuming the positive side rather than the negative (that she will succeed in getting pregnant at some point — many couples take a while to create a successful pregnancy).”
“I don’t see anything wrong with your responses but if you’re worried about the friendship, you could always be the bigger person… maybe apologize for the hypothetical and if she doesn’t apologize in kind for questioning how you handled the accident and the rest, she has some growing up to do and you may want to cool the friendship until she does.” ~ Ghost_of_Euck
“NTA, and I’m also a professional who manages big crises and bad situations well.”
“I’m calm and frank.”
“But damn if I didn’t cry over spilled chia seeds for almost five minutes once.”
“Those things are tiny and expensive.” ~ mrsrowanwhitethorn
“Completely NTA.”
“Drop this ‘friend.'”
“Not only did she overstep her bounds by criticizing your parenting decision, when your training told you that the baby needed to stay unmoved, to top it off, she played the victim card when you told her to back off, making the incident about HER. “
“Sounds exhausting.” ~ Lost-Owl5
“I’d have done what she did (lunged to grab baby) thoughtlessly, and been so crazy relieved when you stopped me and later explained.”
“How on earth did she get defensive instead of desperately relieved she did not risk your baby’s life on accident??? NTA.” ~ Time_Neat_4732
“NTA. You did exactly what you should have done.”
“I’ve seen far too many people act without thinking, causing irreparable damage to people after accidents.”
“And PCOS does not equal infertility.”
“While she may be struggling to deal with that, plenty of people with PCOS get pregnant naturally or with help, and carry to term.”
“She should not be acting like a martyr just because she has a PCOS diagnosis, and potentially putting your baby in harm’s way.” ~ devianceisdefiance
“NTA. She was being an a**hole for continuing to berate you when she was in the wrong and could’ve made a huge mistake.”
“It’s not clear, but has she actually tried to conceive with PCOS, or is she assuming she will have difficulty?”
“Because it’s not a certainty.”
“A Swedish study showed 82% of women with PCOS ultimately had a living child by 40, whereas the normal population was 85-88%.” ~ LucyThought
“NTA. Child safety comes first.”
“Not every situation is perfect, but you handled yours considering your child’s best interest.”
“Don’t let anyone guilt you for that.” ~ StormPhase06
“NTA. I used to sell/fit child seats, and we were told that infants were to stay in the seat as some will get X-rayed in the seat itself because it’s safer to check for serious breaks (I.e,. neck) in the seat than it is to remove them and potentially cause further damage.” ~ Ballybrol
“NTA. I don’t have the best temper on good days, if a friend was berating me while I was in the hospital waiting to make sure my baby got the all clear after a car crash, I’d lose my s**t.”
“It would be ugly.”
“I think you did pretty good telling her to mind her own business.” ~ gretta_smith93
“NTA. Maybe a bit insensitive given you know her struggles conceiving, but understandable in the situation.”
“You were right, after a car accident, when injuries are likely to have occurred, particularly spinal injuries, you don’t move the patient unless you have to.”
“With a bay in a car seat, you’d remove the whole seat from the car if you had to move the baby, you wouldn’t take the baby out of the seat.”
“It’s rough in that situation, because the baby is scared and wants their parent, and you want to grab them up and soothe and protect them, but you did the right thing by trying to soothe from a bit of a distance instead of picking the baby up.”
“Your friend could have caused serious injury to your child if you hadn’t stopped her.” ~ WhiteKnightPrimal
“NTA. It was insensitive considering her situation, but so was her calling you a bad mom and berating you for something she obviously knew nothing about.” ~ transeXXXual
“I was actually in a friend’s position here almost a year ago – I was driving with my friend and her baby when someone sideswiped us.”
“My first instinct was also to reach out to the baby, but my friend said to keep him in his car seat, and so that’s what happened.”
“No drama (apart from the car obviously) and no further explanation needed; she was the mother, and for this, she knew better.”
“She knew that was the reason the car seats were so essential, and I’d never had to know.
“So NTA.”
“Your friend overstepped and made a bad situation more unpleasant; she could have made it infinitely worse had you not stopped her.”
“She needs to STFU.” ~ MyDarlingArmadillo
“NTA, she was wrong, and it’s good you stood your ground and kept her from taking your baby out.”
“Sure, you could have worded that better/gentler, but this was not a situation where weighing your choice of words is a priority.”
“She attacked you and is now hurt that you pushed back; that’s not your fault.”
“You absolutely did the right thing.”
“I’ve seen someone die once in a motorcycle accident because some guy yanked the helmet off his head. I tried to stop him, but the guy shoved me aside and yelled at me that we needed to ‘do something.'”
“It still haunts me that I couldn’t stop him.”
“I really tried.” ~ beijina
“NTA. You did the right thing.”
“Your friend isn’t a medical professional, nor the parent of your baby.”
“She can have her opinions, but doesn’t get to lecture or shame you for prioritizing your child’s physical health over their comfort in that moment.”
“Spinal damage is no joke!” ~ NopeNinjaSquirrel
Reddit is with you, OP.
You were trying to keep your kid safe.
Your friend has her own issues to work out.
You’re a good mom.
Stay positive.